Aa
I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANY F'N MORE!
I lost my mother in Sept. 07 to cancer. Eff cancer! She battled with 4 different types and it's not fair! I am soooo effin mad. I finally have a daughter that we could have shared together and now she is effin gone!!! WHY? I almost hate God for taking her from me. She was my best friend and now I have NOBODY! I am only 30 yrs old and I have to explain to my kids that their "meemaw" is gone to heaven. We told them that if they look to the stars that she is one of them. Now on a clear night they ask about her and it makes me want to just burst with tears. When momma was alive my oldest had his first "nightmare". He said that he saw meemaw going up past his window. Talking to my brother who stayed with momma that night she "saw" a little boy that was scared and she got upset. Talking together we figured out both instances happened at the same time. It makes me sad b/c I feel like she was hurting for him instead of thinking about herself. I know that sounds crazy but I believe there was some connection there.
On the night we found out momma was going to pass we were all there. Weird enough it was one of the most happy moments (next to the birth of my kids) I have ever had. We all camped out with her. Just sleeping in shifts and sleeping where ever we could. She was at a hospice home and it was FANTASTIC! I really give it to them. Funny how we all somehow were able to make jokes and laugh that night. She would have wanted that. I remember that night getting on my knees and begging the nurse as a mother and a daughter to go back in and give momma more pain meds. She was moaning in such pain. I guess it was my desperation that got her to call the dr to give the okay. In a few mins she went back in and I never heard anything from her again. The next afternoon at about 12 I went to the nurse and asked her what she thought. She told me that momma was about 1/2 way there. I stood up with the intention that I was gonna help her go home. I walked into the room, my father was on the recliner snoring soooo loud! I sat down with momma and I held her hand and I told her it was okay to go that we would all be okay. Several times she stopped breathing and we thought it was the end of her suffering. At 12:26pm while holding her hand she finally left us with a tear coming down her cheek. Momma was sad for us :(
If you got this far bless you for reading :)
On the night we found out momma was going to pass we were all there. Weird enough it was one of the most happy moments (next to the birth of my kids) I have ever had. We all camped out with her. Just sleeping in shifts and sleeping where ever we could. She was at a hospice home and it was FANTASTIC! I really give it to them. Funny how we all somehow were able to make jokes and laugh that night. She would have wanted that. I remember that night getting on my knees and begging the nurse as a mother and a daughter to go back in and give momma more pain meds. She was moaning in such pain. I guess it was my desperation that got her to call the dr to give the okay. In a few mins she went back in and I never heard anything from her again. The next afternoon at about 12 I went to the nurse and asked her what she thought. She told me that momma was about 1/2 way there. I stood up with the intention that I was gonna help her go home. I walked into the room, my father was on the recliner snoring soooo loud! I sat down with momma and I held her hand and I told her it was okay to go that we would all be okay. Several times she stopped breathing and we thought it was the end of her suffering. At 12:26pm while holding her hand she finally left us with a tear coming down her cheek. Momma was sad for us :(
If you got this far bless you for reading :)
Hi Jen,
If you know Jesus, then you have the same strength I have. Apart from Him, I have no strength. :\
You are very blessed to have had a close relationship with your mother, and that is what makes it so difficult to let her go. My mom and I were not really that close, even though I was the only child. Don't get me wrong, I saw her or talked to her most every day, but it was a "different" kind of closeness, which I really don't intend to get into.
I still recall when she was near death how selfish I was being when I was asking God why I had to lose my mom at only 42 years of age (a bit older than you now are), and I distinctly heard God reply to me in a loving way, not a condemning way, but very gently.... there are many people on this earth who have never had a mom.
Boy! That did wonders for me! It lifted something off of me and I began to thank God for giving me a mom for 42 years! She was a good mom even though we had our differences. It gave me a whole new perspective and it helped me a lot!
Regardless of why, how, or who we are grieving over, it is still difficult and we must rely on Him to carry us through. He is faithful!
It will get easier if you depend on Him and let Him carry you.
May you be Comforted with His Abundant Love and Grace,
Sandra
Mother of Jordan 4EVER and EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you know Jesus, then you have the same strength I have. Apart from Him, I have no strength. :\
You are very blessed to have had a close relationship with your mother, and that is what makes it so difficult to let her go. My mom and I were not really that close, even though I was the only child. Don't get me wrong, I saw her or talked to her most every day, but it was a "different" kind of closeness, which I really don't intend to get into.
I still recall when she was near death how selfish I was being when I was asking God why I had to lose my mom at only 42 years of age (a bit older than you now are), and I distinctly heard God reply to me in a loving way, not a condemning way, but very gently.... there are many people on this earth who have never had a mom.
Boy! That did wonders for me! It lifted something off of me and I began to thank God for giving me a mom for 42 years! She was a good mom even though we had our differences. It gave me a whole new perspective and it helped me a lot!
Regardless of why, how, or who we are grieving over, it is still difficult and we must rely on Him to carry us through. He is faithful!
It will get easier if you depend on Him and let Him carry you.
May you be Comforted with His Abundant Love and Grace,
Sandra
Mother of Jordan 4EVER and EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The best phrase I've ever heard is that Death ends a life it does not end a relationship.I'm so sorry that the anniversary of those two painful events were so close together.However it makes me happy that it wasn't so bad for you.And your so right,the best party your son ever could have imagine took place in heaven.I used to get signs from my Mom,her lamp would go on,I actually seen her aura behind me on camera at a friend's work.I would have dreams that she would be warning me about things,they caused Panic attacks that would set off my Asthma,I almost died once.After that I prayed to God,asked my Mom that if she was coming to me in my dreams to please stop.Rescently,I've had the dreams again.It took me nearly breaking my neck (long story) to realize I must stop punishing myself for not being able to save her and to get healthy again and stop being depressed and that I must move on.My Mom and I were closer then most Mother's and Daughter's.I wish I had your strength.Big hug to you and thanks for sharing.God Bless,Jen
Hi Jen,
Today is my son's 26th birthday and the first time he's had a party in Heaven. I thought it would be a difficult day for me, but it has been much easier than I had imagined.
Yesterday marked the anniversary date that my mom left this earth. She, too, battled ovarian cancer for 8 long years. It is the most hideous disease I've ever witnessed. It was such a relief to see her go.
I agree with you. It feels like my son is still here at times. I don't feel that so much for my mom, but I do for my son.
It's late so I better stop before I start rambling and I don't make any sense. Maybe I will post tomorrow when I'm more alert. LoL!!!
In His Love & Grace,
Sandra
Jordan's mom 4EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today is my son's 26th birthday and the first time he's had a party in Heaven. I thought it would be a difficult day for me, but it has been much easier than I had imagined.
Yesterday marked the anniversary date that my mom left this earth. She, too, battled ovarian cancer for 8 long years. It is the most hideous disease I've ever witnessed. It was such a relief to see her go.
I agree with you. It feels like my son is still here at times. I don't feel that so much for my mom, but I do for my son.
It's late so I better stop before I start rambling and I don't make any sense. Maybe I will post tomorrow when I'm more alert. LoL!!!
In His Love & Grace,
Sandra
Jordan's mom 4EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I read the whole thing,cried but read it! My Mom passed away in August of Ovarian Cancer.I believe that all the stars in heaven our the souls of are loved one's,some brighter then others.I've told my son this..My Mom always told me that when it rains the angels in heaven are crying,something I still believe.God gave you your children to give you a reason to live,just like he gave me my son.I wasn't supposed to be able to have kids.The sad thing is when my son was growing in me,cancer was growing in my Mom.I do know exactly how you feel.God,I can't help but be mad at.I think its a natural reaction.I still pray all the time and talk to my Mom.Spiritually I suppose she's here with us,but its still not the same is it?Take care and if you like we can attempt to comfort one another.Maybe just knowing that your not alone may help.God Bless,Jen
In 1982 my Dad died...we had so hoped he would hang on til my second son was born, but he didn't make it..a week later my son Scott Woodrow (after my dad) was born..a week later my grandmother (mother's side) died..and then my beloved great dane died, and in between my wife had appendecitis. Let's go back a few years...in 1958 I was 8 years old and my mother died..less than a week later, her father (my grandfather died... and then on march 2 of last year my stepmother, who was my "mother" for nearly 50 years died....and then, my son Scott Woodrow did on nov 23 of last year....
It was my grandmother's strength that pointed me to God and it's been Go that's seen me through all of this...we can be mad at him...and we can still turn to him for comfort.
Jim
Dealing with loss of ANY kind is tough! My 25 year old son has been gone 9 months now after years of praying for him. Why weren't my prayers answered? I won't know all the details of what happened until I get to Heaven.
However, one thing I DO know is this. God did not "take him". God does not cause sickness and death. The Bible says that "death" is the last enemy to be destroyed.
There was no sickness in Eden and there will be none in Heaven, so He definitely doesn't want any here. In fact Jesus prayed, Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven!
I watched my mom die SLOWLY of that hideous disease called "cancer" and it is obvious it is straight from the pit of hell.
It's all right to be mad at God. His shoulders are big and He will bring you much comfort if you allow Him to.
May His Comfort and Peace fill you to overflowing.
In His Love,
Sandra
Jordan's Mom 4 EVER and EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
However, one thing I DO know is this. God did not "take him". God does not cause sickness and death. The Bible says that "death" is the last enemy to be destroyed.
There was no sickness in Eden and there will be none in Heaven, so He definitely doesn't want any here. In fact Jesus prayed, Thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven!
I watched my mom die SLOWLY of that hideous disease called "cancer" and it is obvious it is straight from the pit of hell.
It's all right to be mad at God. His shoulders are big and He will bring you much comfort if you allow Him to.
May His Comfort and Peace fill you to overflowing.
In His Love,
Sandra
Jordan's Mom 4 EVER and EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i was reading this and it brought a tear to my eye.... i lost my grand mother 4 months ago....today is her birthday and it totally *****!!..... my grandma lived with me as long as i can remember, cooked every night for my family, and told you how it was weather you liked it or not....she was the center of the family. and now she is gone. its been 4 months and its not getting any easier. everytime i hear her door open, if i hear the dogs bark (i got her dog), or even see any older ladies i think about my grandma. its still really hard and i still get really upset about losing her. i go to her grave and seeing her names on the head stone just breaks my heart cause i know she isnt here anymore. i read all of your post an it makes me feel better....i wanna thank everyone and also give my blessing to everyone....Krys
I meant 2 years this July and God has bless my brother who loss his first baby, because his wife is due this coming July. It' bitter sweet...death and now life in July. Judy
My mother died in my arms on July 19, 2007 and there are no words to describe the pain, grief, sorrow and devistation that death has caused my family. I didn't think I would survive without her and it is surreal that it will be 2 yrs. in September.
With my story my brother got married, a week later my mother died, the following week her brother in law died, a week later my fiance's father died, my wedding had to be postponed, two weeks later 2 more funeral for friends who died of cancer, 5 months later my moms best friend, who attended wake and burial died of cancer, my beloved dog died, two weeks before Christmas, my brother and wife loss their first child....I also lost my job........God was and is my strenght! I must admit that have and I am still experiencing the surrealness of death and I also felt angry with God, but who am I to judge the Almighty. Nobody. Death is the result of Satan thru the serpent "causing" Eve to sin....so, I HATE THAT EFFFFIN SATAN! for what he had caused....Death.
Also, after so many death's within a 6 month period, I because so physically sick that I almost had to be hospitalized, because my throat would almost swell shut.
Today, I am healing slowly. I will NEVER get over losing my mother and I wish I were dead with her. I asked God to forgive me for being angry with him and as of today. He is my strenght and through Jesus Christ, my hope that one day my mother is going to come running to me from the gates of heaven and be the guiding light to who me the way.
My deepest condolences to you also and I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Judy
With my story my brother got married, a week later my mother died, the following week her brother in law died, a week later my fiance's father died, my wedding had to be postponed, two weeks later 2 more funeral for friends who died of cancer, 5 months later my moms best friend, who attended wake and burial died of cancer, my beloved dog died, two weeks before Christmas, my brother and wife loss their first child....I also lost my job........God was and is my strenght! I must admit that have and I am still experiencing the surrealness of death and I also felt angry with God, but who am I to judge the Almighty. Nobody. Death is the result of Satan thru the serpent "causing" Eve to sin....so, I HATE THAT EFFFFIN SATAN! for what he had caused....Death.
Also, after so many death's within a 6 month period, I because so physically sick that I almost had to be hospitalized, because my throat would almost swell shut.
Today, I am healing slowly. I will NEVER get over losing my mother and I wish I were dead with her. I asked God to forgive me for being angry with him and as of today. He is my strenght and through Jesus Christ, my hope that one day my mother is going to come running to me from the gates of heaven and be the guiding light to who me the way.
My deepest condolences to you also and I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Judy
I just wanted to let you know that I understand how you are feeling. Being angry for a while is normal. It is part of the grieving process for many people.
I am still going thru the grieving process also, but I can tell you that it gets better with time. Hang in there.
I will keep you and your children in my prayers.
I am still going thru the grieving process also, but I can tell you that it gets better with time. Hang in there.
I will keep you and your children in my prayers.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Grief and Loss Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
