My mom suddenly and unexpectedly died 2 weeks ago It has been a horrible couple of weeks. I am extremely worried about my dad and how he will cope. He keeps saying he is ok but I know better than that because we are having the worst days of out lives. We have a great support system of friends, however, all I want is my mom to be back. She had not been ill and stopped talking and just died. I never expected to be so young (I am a college student) and going through this. I know it is not easy at any age but I just though we would have more time. People have told me I need to learn to work through the pain but I do not think that can be done. The funeal arrangements and the funeral itself were very overwhelming...almost 350 people were at the funeral...and I know all those people were there for support but very few of them understand the pain we are feeling of losing my mom so suddenly and unexpected.
Hi abby, my very deepest condolences to you and your family on the passing of your mom. It's sooo recent Abby. I know exactly what you are going thru, because my mom died July 07, and there are no words to describe the hell that me and my family have been thru. I wanted to die and be with her. I have my dad who is 84 yrs. and I will be going thru this all over again. They were married 54 yrs. and it broke my heart to hear my dad say, "I'm destroyed".
Abby in order for you and your family to heal, you will have to experience the grief process and it is very difficult. You will have good days and you will have horrible days.
But, God will give you the strenght to be a survivor. This is a life changing event and you will never be the same person. Very difficult days ahead. I lost my job, because I couldn't function. It you need to take some quite time to reflect, do so. I held my mom as she died and I told her it was ok to go, not to be afraid and I promised I would take care of dad....all this is still surreal. Just remember that you are an extension of your mom and she would never want you her little girl or your family to suffer. That would be the last thing your mom would want. Whenever you feel sad, just take a good look in the mirror and see her eyes, hair, skin, lips, nose,...your mom will live within you! and remember to celebrate her life and honor her memory by being a good person and simply "live"...live a full, productive, happy life and make her proud.
Only someone who has loss a loved one can understand your pain...I loss my mom, so I know exactly what you went thru and I am her for you whenever you just want to talk.
Death is raw and there is no way around this one, it's unmerciful and painful, but it helps to talk with people who do understand....God bless...Judy
Its rough no one should have to go through this I just lost my father yesterday...Im sorry you had to go through this, my dad passed at 49 years old and now I have to take care of my mom and two younger brothers...Everybody tells me I need to move on and focus on the future but Im only 21 years old and I have to go the rest of my life without a father...You have to try to look past this and give yourself another chance...Your mom loves you and wouldnt want you to dwell on her early departure, live your life to the fullest...Youll be in my prayers...
I also wanted to tell you both Abby & Newport that you do have a mother and Neport you do have a father. They will always be your parents and you also have God the Father and Abby you also have the Blessed Mother Mary who you can turn to as a mother and will help you throughs, but this will be the most painful journey we will and have experienced...life changing.
The worst feeling for me was that I felt like a motherless child...an orphan and I found myself calling out for my "mommy"...like a small child. It's the first time in my life the I could relate with people who were put up for adoption, abandoned and felt the loneliness of not having a mother, but reality said....you do have a mother, she gave birth to you and will always be an extention of her.....thanks for just listening. Judy
Newport, I have also heard from people you need to move on and live life to the fullest, however, that is easier said than done. You will find that it is difficult to live life to the fullest while grieving.
I know eventually I will feel happier and less pain but it is, as Judy has said, a very painful and life changing event. My mom died suddenly in the matter of a few seconds due to what is considered a work related injury. I am thankful she did not suffer as she did not even know what was happening and am also thankful we did not have to watch her suffer. My final memories of my mom are not of watching her suffer.
There are many friends who have been very supportive from the very beginning of this nightmare and for them I will always be thankful. I also will always be thankful for my dad and brother (I was before this happened, too) and I think it has already brought us closer.
It took me 2 yrs. to "begin" feeling normal again....2 yrs. It is the worst time for you right now, because it's so fresh and surreal, so I apologize that I don't want to be misunderstood to go live your life. You will be able to mover forward very slowly and it's going to take a very long time. I just came from visiting my mother's grave and I still can't believe that my beautiful, sweet little mother is buried. Very tough journey ahead, but stay with us in this website and we will get you thru....Judy
Judy has great advice Id listen to her she obviously knows what shes talking about...My Dad is the first close person in my life that died when I was old enough to really understand the reality of it...Im sorry that this happend to you I guess we all have to through it at one point but why so soon?
I know what I am talking about, because I am living it. My advise comes from the depts of my heart and soul and my painful journey of having my mother die in my arms. I would give my very life if I could bring her back, but I'm not God. We have to unfortunately, accept what we can't change and adjust to what life has put before us that we have absolutely no control over. You feel totally helpless and that a terrible feeling that there is absolutely nothing you can do. God bless! Judy
Newport, I am also sorry you have to go through this. I also wonder why so soon? Why not more time but would it be any easier then than it is now? No, it would not be but I cannot help why wondering why now and why so soon. My mom is also the first person I have been close to in which I can fully comprehend the loss, and the closest person to me in which I have ever lost.
It does help to go get advice and hear from other people who have been through it because it is a painful adjustment. Losing any person we are that close to is such a life changing experience and losing a parent means losing someone in which we have never before experienced life without them before.
I know my family will get through this because we still have each other. One of the first things my dad said to us is we will get through this together.
I also lost my mum very suddenly July last year she was only 49 when she died she was very healthy and fit and it came as a shock to everyone. Me and my 2 sisters have been there for my dad visiting every day and making sure he is eating. It will be really tough and you will have really bad days which is understandable.My dad can be snappy some days but this is just grief it doesn't happen much now but keep in mind your dad may not be able to have a brave face all the time.
It may not seem like it the now but you will get through this it may take a while but take one day at a time and talk, try not to bottle things up.
I lost my Mom very suddenly on the 3 June 2009. It was very unexpected, she took ill in the middle of the night and went into hospital first thing in the morning, my Dad phoned me to say that she was ill and that we should pray, but she would be OK. She passed at about 11am after multiple heart attacks. I only managed to get a flight over in the middle of the night.
I thought that I was alright and the shock was wearing off and I was getting a bit more used to the idea of life without her. But suddenly since yesterday I can't stop crying and am struggling so much. I was so close to her and used to speak to her nearly everyday on the phone, because we live so far apart. It's been almost a year since I last saw her. The hardest part was that I spoke to her a couple of days before she passed and she was so happy. She was only 54 and she was my best friend.
It's my 30th birthday in two days and I just don't even want to go there or even think about it, but I have to for my husband and children's sake. I know that it's one day at a time, but at the moment I'm hardly even making it through a day and I have 3 small children to look after. I haven't slept for nearly two weeks because I'm waking up every half an hour to an hour and that's not even because of the kids. I've had a splitting headache for two days now and I feel like my world is falling apart.
I lost my mom in May and at this time I am not sure if it will get easier. My mom went to the ER was told nothing was wrong but then suddenly died. She died 4-5 hours after arriving at the ER. Even the doctors were shocked because it was so unexpected.
I come home sometimes and just sit on the couch and cry because this should not have happened to my mom, not at such a young age when she was so happy and had so much more to look forward to.
I also used to talk to my mom alost everyday...I really miss that so much.
SOmetimes I have to take things hour by hour, not even day by day.
Thank you so much for your reply, it feels good to know that I am not alone in this.
I guess it's all just going to take as long as it's going to take, as hard as that it. It still feels so raw to talk about her. My dad organised her funeral so quickly as well and I wish that he had taken a bit longer and let my brother and I be involved in planning it and everything, but I guess that was just what he needed to do. It's left me reeling a bit as it all feels like it's coming into focus..
I really miss her and sometimes I just want to pick up the phone to tell her stuff that the kids have done or said, just to have a chat. I miss that so much.
You right, it feels so unfair they were too young and it was just too sudden. The only thing I know and that has brought me comfort in the last few weeks is that God knows the bigger picture and I know that I'll see her again. I was chatting to my pastor's wife about it and she lost her brother very suddenly 7 years ago. She says that she still has days where it still feels shocking and she misses him. She still talks to him because she believes that he can hear her and for me that has really been helping.
It's been hard for me to talk to my dad because he is missing her so much and is so sad. I feel terrible for him because his loss is so great.
Hour by hour and day by day sound like a pretty good plan to me right now.
I just lost my mom 1 week ago suddenly and I can barely stand the pain. I hae 4 little girls ranging in age from 7 months to 7 years old. I feel awful and so sad and so frustrated by the death of my mom and I dont know what to do. How long does it take to feel like I have some joy back? Life has no joy in it right now.
Hi Abby, I am so sorry about you losing your mother.Its been over 3 years for me
& I still am torn apart.You will go through so much and it wont be easy I wish
I could tell you I will be but I cant.
Just keep asking Jesus for his help & he will carry you through one day at a time.
I will be here for you if you need me.Stay close to those you love.
This is my first time ever doing anything like this.... But after reading some of the posts and feel like Im hitting bottom with the loss of my mom...I figured that I would. I loss my mother last Christmas. Its been almost a year and Im at a point where I'm so angry at everything. But its not like I know its cause of my mom. I just sometimes feel like a crazy person...I usually just blame my anger on things that are going on in my life. Then when I hit a bottom and realize that all the things Im angry about really dont matter. Im just f'n mad, Im mad that shes gone and I'll never see her. I have these weird things where I just think what do her hands look like, her smile, her voice... Icant remember her voice sometimes ??? Its almost been a year and Im so over feeling like Im having pity parties....But being angry isnt working for me anymore. I just feel lost...
I'm sorry for your loss. When my mother died, a part of my soul died with her and I would give my very life to see her again. There is not words to describe lossing your mother and what you are feeling is part of the grief process. I go to the cemetary and I imagine her inside her casket and it just kills me that she is in the ground, but I have to fall on my knees with faith or I won't survive this unfair trial given to me. Rest, easy, it's going to be ok, one step at a time, and I invite you to view a picture of my mom, but clicking on "Judy246"....God bless, Judy
My mother died 6 weeks ago. It was nothing like as unexpected or tragic as some of the posts here. I feel such an awful sense of hollowness and loss though. She was 89, nearly 90 her body just didn't work anymore. Her mind didn't work anymore. It was her natural time to go. She was old, very old for her age. Some people are OK at that age, and older, but not her.
So even though it's the best thing that she died, and it makes perfect sense, I can hardly describe how I feel. I cried of course, at first. Then I accepted completely, that she's gone. I came back home and got on with my life.....
But now I feel just hollow like I've never felt before. I feel so strange. In latter years I could hardly hold a conversation with her and could hardly even phone her because of her dementia. But I would still see that love for me in her eyes. I felt OK just to be with her or talking to her. She used to say "It's so nice to hear your voice sweetheart"
She loved me, even when and if no-one else did.
Then suddenly she's not there. She's just wiped out. Gone.
I lost my job on June 23 and Mom took sick on June 26. She passed on August 4. I am in great dispare. I cry all the time and am having a difficult time sleeping. I would have thought the worst would have passed by now. My Dad is 86 and he and Mom were married for 64 years. My Mom was 85 when she died. I am the matriac of a very disfunction family which makes it even harder to get through this.
I have this joyless feeling and want to fell joy again. The holidays are making the grieving process more profound. As Christmas was the holiday I cooked tradition meal just as Mom has when I was a child. When I went to pull the recipes the sight of them in her hand writting was paramount to the flood gate of tears that followed.
I am sure not working is not helping. I miss my Mother very much and I hope I can resolve this grief of her loss so that I can continue my life.again.
When some people ask, how long did it take to feel normal after your mothers death, since I am living it, it has take me at least 2 years to just feel somewhat normal with life, but the awareness that she is deceased stays with always. My parents were married 54 yrs and it has been 2 years since mom died and we have not decorated the house for Christmas since she died. Dad and I just can't do it. We don't want to do it and it's been 2 yrs. We do go to my sisters house and she has the most amazing tree and ornaments, but she also has a child that needs to feel the holiday season. My entire family will never get over losing mom. We adjust to what we can't change and just a few hours ago, i visited her grave, which I decorated yesterday. It kills me that I have to visit my beautiful mother in a cemetary, but to answer peoples questions how long does it take, for everyone it's different, for me 2 years to feel somewhat normal, BUT the loss is so life changing that you do carry it will you day and night. Judy
I wonder sometimes if I can get through the holidays. People tell me not to be a scrooge but it is the first holiday season without my mom. I worry about my Dad all the time...he is young and healthy but he is not dealing with things well at all. People tell me he just needs time.
Ginger - I do not feel any joy with the holidays here either. It will never be the same again. The grief seems to be all consuming...I think about my mom, her death, and everything else constantly.
People tell me it gets easier but I do not know, maybe there is a way to learn to live with it somehow but missing someone so much how can it get easier?
I don't mean to be a scrooge, but the Christmas holiday is especially difficult for me. I use to love Christmas and I no longer joy in my speared heart and I look forward to it coming and going. I just don't have joy knowing mom is not among us and that she is in a cemetary. One night I woke up at 3 am and was very uneased and distraught. I wanted to get in my car and go to the cemetary. I never use this word, but I HATE that my mother is buried. I just hate it and it hurts me so to visit her in a grave. Some times I think, I am going crazy or want to die and be with her, but it's just a heavy, sorrowful heart, but the pain just doesn't go away. It comes and goes, but it's definately there. The first everything is the most difficult and time has not healed my broken heart, because I am not the same. I have a heavy heart and I just don't know how to live without mom. It will get easier, but it is a very slow process (moment by moment and very small steps at a time, but within 2 yrs. you will feel the difference, but you will experience those "having a moment" when you least expect it. Right now, 2 yrs for me and I will never be the same, never.
i found out i was pregnant 5 mins befor i found my mum dead on 24/03/2010 life is so hard she wasnt just my mum is was my best friend she had ms but that didnt kill her me and my brothers dont know how she died i just think life is so messed up there is no such thing as a happy ending things will always get you down people you love get taken sorry for sayin all this
Hello Judy - I don't know if you still visit this site, but I had to respond to your posts, I lost my beautiful precious Mum on 12th June 2008 after a 10 month battle with cancer, she had just turned a very young 80. I cannot cope each day, nearly 2 1/2 years on. I too, cannot believe my dear Mum is in a cemetery. I feel such misery every single day, my life lacks warmth and depth, everything feels two dimensional. Mum was my soul mate, my best friend......I feel such desperation and yearning for her, I just cannot seem to live a normal life. I know Mum would hate to see my so unhappy, but I wouldn't be if she was here. I am sorry for all of you who have lost your Mums. I truly know what pain is now. Will it ever get any easier? Love and hugs Judy G
i lost my mum 5mnths ago im only 18 and still in college the doctors kept mis diagnosis her but by the time they found out she had cancer it was incurable then 5mnth later she passed im finding it hard to grieve i feel like no one understand as the only person that does understand is my brother and hes locked away and my dad dont wanna no im on my own i would love to no how to make the pain go away put uv just got to keep putting one foot infront of the other and make your mum proud hope things go well and sorry bout your lost x
It is a very difficult situation to lose a parent at such a young age. I am also still in college. My mom died in May 2009. I am not going to say it gets easier because I am not sure that it does but you have to learn a new way of going on with life. This will be the second holiday season without my mom and it feels very hard because while everyone else is looking forward to Christmas, I am not at all.
I do think for me it helps to talk about how I feel in regards to my mom. Even if my friends do not understand it does seem to help to be able to talk to those willing to listen.
Grief is a hard, difficult, yet necessary process and having lost your mom only 5 months ago it is still very new and fresh. Give yourself time.
Sorry you are going through this as well...I understand as well as many others so do not let yourself feel as if no one understands.
I lost my mom 6 years ago at the end of the month. I am 24 now. I was only 18 when she died. I still cannot get over it. She was sick for most of my middle and high school and I feel like I spent a lot of that time taking care of her..and did not get to be a kid. It *****. And then she was taken from me before I even finished one semester of college. My siblings didn't go through it the same..cause they weren't around much when she was sick. They balled at the funeral and I didn't aged a tear. Odd,right? I miss her everyday..and hate the holidays now because she will never be a part of them ever again. I don't think ill ever get over losing my mom.
my mum lived with me for 15 years, in very poor health, after my father died. Despite heated argument, I was told she was too poorly and had to go into a nursing home. I was on the verge of collapse but couldn't bear it. I had to agree and she died January 2011, 4 weeks after she left here.
I blamed myself even though everyone there was lovely, and after the funeral all I wantd to do was to go and get her and give her a wash and do her hair. I knew she would hate being dirty.
Am I crazy? I don't know but when she passed I felt as if she had taken one of my vital organs with her. I am much older than you but my mum wasd my best friend.Hers was the only purely unconditional love I, or any of us, have.
Every day I think"Oh i must tell mummy that". I still worry if I go out thinking someone else is nanny-sitting and there may be an emergency.
A very wise lady told me "Time doesn't heal but you get used to the difference".
We just have to thank G-d that we had lovely mums who left an example of love, caring and warmth. Many people don't have that.
My thoughts are with you, and all the others who have replied to your post.
Some serious rubbish stuff has happened in my life and I thought that was the depths of despair. Until this happened. No-one can explain the physical as well as mental pain of this.
You only have one mum, I'm sure she wouldn't have left you if she had any choice.Lately I've been finding myself thinking" Mum would have been happy that I did that". I find this quite comforting rather than "Where are you? Why have you gone? I bought a winter coat with the small amount of money she left and felt pleased knowing she woud be pleased.
We are all here for you, I wish I could hold your hand and give you a hug.
One day at a time. Lovex
Hi there. I lost my dad when i was16 suddenly and am now 31 and lost my mom suddenly! She passed 2 weeks ago suffering from a horrible challenge against cancer and she or myself or family had no idea. She was a woman with no healthcare so had to go to a county hospital for care and was told she needed a hysterectomy only. I now am having to care for my learning disabled sister and I feel like I am losing this battle. I have so much anger yet sadness floating through my body I don't sleep or eat. Any advice? Thanks!! Amanda
My Mam had a Stroke October 30th 2011 and was in Hospital for over a month. By all accounts, she was doing pretty well.....I live 2,000 miles away and my siblings and other relatives live very close to my parents.
The day after Thanksgiving, November 25th I received a phone call from my brother. Mam had had ANOTHER massive Hemorrhagic Stroke,,,,even worse than first one....Doctor wanted the whole family there. Essentially, so much damage had been done, she would have needed Life Support forever. She was a very active 80 year old. We chose no Life Support and my Daddy held her hand when she died 20 hours later.
What my family doesn't realise is the bond we had formed since I moved away 20 years ago. Like someone else said on here, I spoke to her several times a week and if something exciting happened with my son I couldn't wait to phone her. Mandy, I haven't slept or ate since the beginning of November. When I DO lie down, I doze off for a couple hours and that's it...usually during the day. I've lost almost 60 lbs. from not eating and anxiety. My husband told me my face is way to thin. PLEASE don't allow yourself to become ill. My husband buys me Boost or Ensure to sustain me....otherwise I'd just sit here drinking coffee, vitamin water and shaking; crying; feeling lost and in despair.
It's going to take a loooooong time to "get over" the initial anger and sadness. But, PLEASE, when I read you weren't eating, I had to write. If you have no appetite, like me, at least drink the liquid meals.
If you need anyone to talk to....I'm here.... ~ Fi ~ x
I am reading this as I am going through grief right now! I lost my dad due to cancer and what you said all made so much sense. I totally know how you were feeling. I have the exact same feelings as you. I hope i can get through this. You are so right...we have no control over death. All we can do is have faith and ask God for comfort. Plus, we will see them again in heaven but for now we have to make the best of life and make our parents proud!
My name is Dawn and I lost my mom in August of 2012 and she my best friend and my everything : She had Congestive heart failure and Since her passing it is still hard . My dad and I are trying to cope but it is hard . We go to a grievance counseling in the church that we belong to but we both was our old lives back with my mom . I dont know how I can go on living without my mom in my life : I am 39 years and I feel guilty that I never had children and never been married : My mom wanted a grandchild and i never had one for her so I feel guilty that I did not do that for her .
Dawn I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom suddenly to a Brain Aneurysm
on Jan 10th 2013. I am 40 and mom was only 61. She was totally fine one minute and then she had a headache and felt like she was going to throw up. She was brain dead in like 4 minutes and we took her off life support 15 hours later. I am still in shock and also going through the guilt stage. Its a normal feeling but we have to try to overcome this horrible event and remember we have lives to live. I feel totally empty and at times go to call her and remember she's not there. If only I could talk to her and hear her voice one more time. Dawn your not alone! If you ever want to chat please feel free to email me. Sometimes I just need to vent as well. ***@****. I will pray for your mom, you, and your family. This kind of thing changes who you are for the rest of your life. Sending hugs darling.
How are you dealing with the lost of your father now!? i see this is an old post and im just wondering. because i lost my mother two weeks ago and its so hard. im Like an emotional rollercoaster. and im finding it so hard to except. im a mom of 6 children. and all this is making it harder to care for them.. i miss my mom so much. how do i get through this. some days i even find myself a bit snappy for no reason. thank you newporttt.
How are you dealing with the lost of your father now!? i see this is an old post and im just wondering. because i lost my mother two weeks ago and its so hard. im Like an emotional rollercoaster. and im finding it so hard to except. im a mom of 6 children. and all this is making it harder to care for them.. i miss my mom so much. how do i get through this. some days i even find myself a bit snappy for no reason. thank you newporttt.
My Mom died almost 4 years ago since my Mom died (in my original post here I was at the same point as you in which it had only been about 2 weeks) and, to be honest, not a day goes by when I do not miss my Mom. I do still have my days when I want to cry until I cannot stop and where my whole body seems to ache from the hurt of her not being here but those times are farther in between now. I did find a wonderful group of ladies who have all lost their Mom. For some of them it has been 30 years and for some it has been anywhere from weeks to a few years. We get together regularly every couple of months for picnics, potlucks, zoo trips, or just to sit and listen. They have been a huge help. Two weeks is just the beginning. Hang in there and message me anytime.
I just lost my momma,,and it so hard ,I cant seem to stop crying ,I have no appetite,,i have the shakes and cant sleep..she is all I had,,i know people can say they are sorry,,and they feel sad for my loss,,but all these words are spoken,,but it cant bring my momma back,,,iam so lost
I lost my mother this year in April. She was Italian & lived in Germany after my parents divorced. Being a military brat was pretty cool growing up, my parents were together 20 yrs. As my brother & I got older it became much more difficult. Especially after I moved to the US permanently. I moved away to finish school & always pictured myself moving back home & settling down. My mother remained in Germany alone when we were all in the US. My brother & I went moved to the US with my father to finish High school. He only had a year left and moved back to Germany. He was there with my mother ever since. I on the other hand lived a more complicated life. I was born & raised in Germany for 19 yrs. Loved it there. I mostly stayed in the US as I got older to finish College. I always felt guilty that I was gone. I was grateful that my father was here, but missed my mother. We relied on Skype a lot to communicate. I even set my ring tone to “Dear Mama”. Currently my mother’s family in Italy wants to Skype with me, but other than a few messages (written) I can’t bring myself to get on there. Which also makes me feel guilty. I know she’d want us in contact. I work retail so it’s almost impossible to get time off during Black Friday, but with my unique circumstances I managed to visit last Thanksgiving. I brought my husband with. He had met her a couple yrs. prior when she came to visit. I’m so thankful for my old GM allowing me to visit in November before she had a sudden heart attack in April. When she visited us she brought a neighbor friend with so she wouldn’t have to travel alone. This has been the worst year ever. Not only have I lost her, her friend that visited lost her father right after I returned from the funeral. She ended up in the Looney bin temporarily. My Great Uncle then passed, then my brother significant other’s mother. Now my father-in-law is currently in the hospital. I’m trying to move on, but it’s like life just won’t let me. I don’t know how to cope. I quit smoking in January. A couple months ago I started again. My husband doesn’t know. I’ve considered using the rest of the patches I have to quit again, since I don’t smoke as much. I’m so lost in life & don’t know how things will turn out with my father-in-law, I’m really about to lose it! Please tell me people will stop dying (at least this year) and things will get better. I went to a doctor a couple months back, she put me on Xanax. It helped but I found that I was sleeping way too much so I never went back. She also wanted me on depression meds. Did I mention I also started a new job when she passed, turned 40 a week later & quit smoking? It’s a lot to cope with. I’m afraid if I go back to the doctor she will put me on more meds. I had to travel by plane to & from Germany then return only to get back on a plane to TX the NEXT day for training on new job. My neck has never been the same. I lost weight, had lack of sleep. I cry here and there still but for a while was running to the bathroom to break down at work. How do I move on with the rest of the world when it still doesn't make sense? She didn't have heart problems. She was fine! I don’t know how to cope with my guilt of not being around, not saying goodbye, never being able to see her or Skype with her. Please tell me what do I do from here?
I just lost my mom on March 2, 2014
She was 81. My dad died in 2011 and my oldest brother in 2010. Losing my mom was the worst because after already suffering 2 great losses, losing my mom made me and my 2 brothers adult orphans. And because I was so close to my mom. I miss her so badly. We talked every single day, several times a day. I know it is too early and I have accepted that but I just cannot deal with this empty feeling of despair that I have in my heart. I am blessed to have had my mom for so long, I am 48 with 2 grown kids. I think it's hard when you have had them in your life for so long. Its hard no matter what because it is your parent and you feel so alone. My mom told me years ago that when her mom died (I was 3) that her and my dad went to the beach and she sat at the ocean and cried her heart out. Maybe that is what I need to do. I just miss her so much. It helps to talk about it.
My mom passed away suddenly on February 28, 2014. She suffered a stroke at night. My dad found her on her bedroom floor. The morning it happened, my dad called me and said "mom is gone." I was at work and collapsed to the ground. I immediately left and went to my parent's house, which is 45 minutes away. My dad would not let them take her away until I saw her which, in a way, I wish I hadn't. I cannot get the image of what she looked like out of my mind. She was such a huge part of my life. She had been suffering from major depression for the last 3-4 years and had been on a lot of medication for that. I feel so guilty b/c, as I research it now, she had suffered what seems to have been mini stokes -- forgetfulness, slurred speech, etc. Why couldn't I have seen the signs??? If I had, she would be here now. Also, she had an appt with her neuropsychologist in November but was cancelled b/c it was too early and rescheduled to March 18th...if only she was here for this appt and maybe she would still be here now. I am suffering tremendously. My dad is 75 and he is lost. They were married for 49 years and spent every single day together...now she's gone. He cries to me on the phone and I feel so helpless and my heart breaks for him. I just don't know how to get through this. I cannot eat, sleep, concentrate. The first thing I think of in the morning and the last think I think of at night is my grief and guilt. I really don't know how much more of this pain I can take. I try to be strong for my dad but every time I dial the phone to talk to him, I have panic attacks. I feel like no one understands what I am going through and I get so jealous of people laughing and being so carefree. I pray every morning and night to God and ask that he please help me and my dad get through the day. It doesn't seem to be helping. I'm at a point now that I am questioning my faith and that's such a hard and heartbreaking thought b/c it hurts to think that I will never see my mom again. I just don't know how I am going to get through this.
My beautiful mum passed away January 10 this year. My mum had a massive heart attack so her passing was a massive shock to our whole family. I cry at the loss of her every day, I do it on my own as I don't want my children to see how much I am suffering. I still go to work and college as people tell me you need to carry on and remember all of the happy memories but I dred the thought of the future without her. Growing up I was not close to my mum at all but when I had my first child my mum was there at her birth and it changed our relationship as I realised the love a mother has for her child and we were so close ever since my mum was at the birth of my second child nearly four years ago. I used to call my mum every day and would take my children to see her every weekend. My son will turn four on Saturday and will start School in September, my daughter will be 13 in November and I'm already struggling at the thought of these milestones without her, my children adored my mum as she did them, it breaks my heart to think that she will miss out on these days. Last Sunday was Mother's Day and it was so hard being happy infront of my children as it was the first without my mum. I take each day as it comes and am trying to cope. I have lost my mum and best friend but know she is in me and my children, I often find myself watching my children and seeing little habits movements or sayings that my mum would do or say, I love it because it brings her close just for a minute. I really feel for anyone who is going through this, it has been the hardest few months of my life. My love and hugs go out to you xx
I just wanted to say reading all your comments made me feel less alone. The loss if my mother has been the most debilitating event that has ever happened to me. The emptiness and pain I feel is so overwhelming at times. I can't imagine how people get over the loss of a child when I feel this bad at the loss of my beloved mother. I decided yesterday I cannot bear to visit her grave anymore and that I know she will understand. I can't face the reality and the slap in the face of it all that she really died. The rest of the day I am a useless mess. I just retreat to my bed and load up on sugar all day and cry. I am sick of crying. It's been three months and there has not been one day that I don't cry. I especially cry when I am alone in my car. It's true there are good days and worse days. Depends on my mood and what event, smell or song reminds me of her. I just plain miss her so much that I understand what true heartache is now. Because my heart actually hurts since she left. Dad is a mess and I don't know what to say anymore except that we will see her again one day and she is watching over us and with us everyday. What you all say about it being a life changing event is so true. Death changes you forever and you don't get over it you get through it. I long to see my mother again when my time comes.
Thanks so to everyone here for this forum.
I lost my mother on 22 June after many years of chronic illness and increasing disability. I thought I was prepared for her passing as it had been a possibility many times over the years when things had gone wrong...but she always rallied and got better enough to go back home and carry on.
I thought somehow that it would be something of a relief when she did go, as she had suffered so much and was in so much pain. I was with her constantly for the last few months and right up until the end.
There is absolutely no relief in her passing - all there is is emptiness and agonising pain. The whole world has shifted and its out of focus and I cant find any consolation or comfort in anything. I don't want to go back to the work and the studies I was so enjoying before, I don't want to go anywhere, see anyone - nothing has any meaning anymore.
My mother was a much loved nurse for many years - she was amazing. Now all I can think about is becoming a nurse, or caring for frail/aged people as nothing else seems worthwhile.
I lost my precious Mama on July 20th 2013. It was expected but didn't make it any easier. My parents and I have always been VERY close and that continued with my family after I married and had children. She was my biggest fan and her love was unconditional....same for my daughters. She was very sick for a long time even bedridden for 4 years before she passed. My Daddy took excellent care of her and I was there when I wasn't working.She depended on me and I was there for her. I am proud of the relationship we had and would not trade those memories for anything. When she first passed, I threw myself into projects around the house and would work all day until I would collapse in bed at night. I started a new job a couple months later and threw myself into that....never allowing myself time to grieve and deal with my loss. That place of business closed down and I have been sick with different things lately and have tons of time to think. The hurt and anger I feel is indescribable. I don't see the light at the end if the tunnel and I don't see a happy ending. I know people say "Don't give up" and I am not doing it intentionally but it's like my feelings and emotions and drive are shutting down like I can't take an ore so m mind is protecting me.I just wish I could find some peace.
Thought i'd check the internet to see if there are a few or possibly many going through whats happened in my life lately. Seems there are. Youngest son of three boys. Gotta say a true momma's boy from the start. She fell from a ladder oct 14th. Minutes after we just talked….and i'm the one who found her. So its been three months. Stuffed myself in building projects to occupy my thought racing brain. Stuffed myself in booze to ease the heartache. Stuffed myself with anger because theres nothing that I can do for my her, now. And thats probably been the toughest. I'm thirty-four without children and spent the last few years of my life traveling and fulfilling what i thought was my own mark in life. Like achieving; turning over all the rocks to see whats hidden. But regardless the distance Mom would always send prayers and find a way to keep in touch. Met back up with a friend who I've known for several years and it was like love at first sight all over again. She still wasn't married either. She's been comforting and now the thought of having grandchildren for my Mom to spoil is no longer possible. She did tell me not to break her heart and she was a true "keeper" months before the accident. I'll remember those words for the rest of my life. They say, "you'll always have her near, just need to remember the good." Well, thats impossible to do. I lay awake or dream about her. Still trying to find a way to help her like she's always done for me. Missing her laughter and touch. I was her favorite of the three and find complete strangers telling me how they knew her, and she always would say how proud she was of me. Staying with my father and currently laying in my old bedroom where i grew up and typing this. All i can say to those above this post is I'm incredibly sorry. Guess all we do is keep plugging.
Hi I lost my mum 3 weeks ago I cried the first week was numb and went quiet the second , we had her funeral 2 days ago and now I feel that I'm living in some sort of play!!! I miss her so much we was so close, she was 78 and I'm 51 I feel sad as I wanted more time with her
I have to go to work but I am a manager of a care home for the elderly which is so hard.
I am so lost
My mum was stolen from me Jan 25th. I've read through all these posts, and my heart is breaking for each and every one of you.
I still don't believe it.How can my Mum be gone?! I feel like I'm in a play too Helen. It doesn't feel real, yet at the same time I can't stop sobbing and screaming.
It was Mums birthday March 11th, mine March 8th, her funeral March 4th and it's Mothers day on Sunday(there's gonna be an inquest, so I daren't detail what happened, other than to say, she should still be here)Why did they do this to my mum? I don't see how I can get through this. I don't want to get through this. I'm meant to be strong for my dad, but all I want is my Mum to come home. I need my mum, and I don't know how to fix this.
I'm the one who made her go to the outpatient procedure. It's my fault. We both had bad feelings about it. the day before she said she wasn't ready to leave me yet. She begged me not to make her go, that they were going to kill her. I'd been saying to dad, we need to change the appointment. He said what if we change it, and something happens, then it is our fault. He said she'd be home in a few hours, it's a simple thing. the morning of the procedure, Mum again begged me not to make her go. I lied, and told her it'd be ok. I remember looking at her, and thinking, if she dies, you will remember for the rest of your life that you lied to your Mum. I hope the rest of my life isn't long, so I don't have this pain anymore.
I'm sorry this is so long, I didn't mean it to be. I just need my mum. My mum will make it better. I'm 41, well, 42 now. My Mum was 80, but a good 80. Fully independent, smart, funny, and so so kind. Why out of all the people in the world did they have to torture my mum to death.
I am reading these comments and I am beginning to not feel alone. My mum died suddenly and totally unexpectedly last week. She was 51 and I am 24. I know it is still recent and I know the pain will never leave me but I am getting married in a week and a half and I don't know how to even get up in the morning let alone do something so important. I just don't know what to do. Reading that I am not alone in these feelings help. My mum was my best friend and was so excited for our big day. I am just an empty shell right now..
We lost our Mom last July 28. I miss her everyday and I would give anything to see her again. She was diagnosed with lung cancer stage IV with enlargement of the heart last March. It came as a surprise also when she died because she always tells us she's okay. She only stayed in the hospital for 6 hours before the doctor declared her time of death.
Last week was so overwhelming since my siblings and I prepared everything for her funeral. I'm still blaming my father for my mother's death because he always stresses her. He shouts at her even when she was sick.
I'm hoping that you still have your father with you, so you can cope with your loss together. Because from where I stand, the bond between us (I and my 3 siblings) and our father broke when our mother died.
I always talk to my mom. I can still smell her. I watch her videos so I will never forget her voice. When I'm at my lowest, I know what she would tell me. Let's cope with our losses together. We'll be okay in God's time. This too shall pass. We'll see them in the right time.
My mum passed away suddenly 2 weeks ago.
We were due to go on holiday two days afterwards. She was so happy, I told a joke, she laughed, and mid laugh she was just gone. It was beyond sudden. The cause of death is still inconclusive but we have been told we will get the full PM results in 2/3 months.
The past 2 weeks have been a bit of a blur. I have went back to college and I'm trying to make her proud but sometimes I don't see the point in being here at all. She won't see me get married or have kids.
I believe that she is watching over me. Do you all believe that? Please help me get through this. I don't know if I can.
Hi rachmcl. Very sorry to hear of your loss. I had a very similar thing happen to me. I lost my mum suddenly on 18th October 2014. I woke up one morning and got a phone call from my dad to say she'd been taken ill and was on a life support and hours later it was switched off, she never came around and I never got a chance to say bye. 24 hours before this she was fine and making cakes. The autopsy showed she had acute pancreatitis cause by debris in her pancreas which led to multiple organ failure. No reason for it, she wasn't. A big drinker and was a healthy 66 year old.
My mum really was my best friend, we did everything together. If I didn't see her for a day I would be in the phone several times a day. Nearly a year on I still cry myself to sleep every night. It makes me so sad she now won't get to see her grandchildren grow up and she lived for them.
I can't say I know how you feel as everyone is different but I understand what you are going through, I too remember the first couple of weeks not believing or feeling it was real. I was walking around seeing everyone getting on with their lives thinking... This awful thing has just happened to me. What did my mum do to deserve this.
I did see a counsellor and I think it helped a bit although nothing can take the pain away.
If I can given any advice - talk about her as much as you can and see friends as much as you can, I wouldn't still be standing here now if it wasn't for the amazing friends, husband and family I have.
I am still taking each day as it comes and trying to keep busy but the evening are hardest.
Take care and be strong!
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