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I feel guilty
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I feel guilty

on August 31/2006 I made the hard decision to have an abortion because the father of the impending child didn't want him/her because he believed that I had cheated on him, resulting in this pregnancy which wasn't the truth.....he became verbally and mentally abusive and I broke up with him. I didn't want to bring a child into this world without a father that loved him/her so I set an appointment up at a womens clinic.
When I got there I began to have doubts about my decision....it was when I was on the table and the procedure was about to begin as the Dr. was doing a cervical examination that I changed my mind and wanted to go home and have my baby because I had enough love to give her.....the doctor was regretful in telling me that I the discomfort that I had mentioned to him earlier was due to my body preparing to miscarry my child.....the staff was wonderful and they did a wonderful job of looking after me and all but.....to this day I am suffering.....where did I go wrong, is there something I could have done to prevent this from happening,......In my heart I feel that I should never have been at the womens clinic in the first place even though I have been told time and time again that it was better that I was there where they knew what was happening and knew what to do to ease my pain....
I wake up crying and screaming because I dream about a child whose face I cannot see I keep trying to take the child in my arms but he/she is always taken away from me and I wake up.....
This is my story.....for all you out there who may be suffering you are not alone and I know now that healing is a process that we all need to face... that we need to discover ourselves once again to know that there are somethings in this life that we cannot change but we can move forward.....
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Avatar_m_tn
First thing is that you need to learn to forgive yourself. Forgive me if I am wrong, but it seems you are either religous or raised in a religous home. If you are a Christian, or are seeking to become one, asking the lord for forgivness will greatly lift the burden and guilt you are feeling. If you can forgive yourself, the most important thing to do is move on, and not dwell on your past wrongs. This doesn't mean you forget what happened, it means you know what you did was wrong and strive not do it again and maybe help out others who were in your situation.

Many people learn to deal with pain by helping others in their situation. There are many organization which help to conusel women who are considering abortion and set them up with the resources to get through the pregnancy and either put the child up for adoption or keep the child themselves.

It is also very important that you talk with someone about what you are feeling, this can be a clergyman, relative, friend, or anyone you know and can confide in.
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Avatar_n_tn
Honey, my heart aches for you.
Can I ask how old you are?
First off, I think you are a hero for making the decision you did, bothe of them. An abussive situation is horrible and good for leaving? My head and heart is screaming at your ex since he was abussive that maybe you miscarried because of abusue. DO NOT blame yourself! Even if you had not gone for the abortion, your baby was in gods hands. Let that comfort you.
I am 44. I had a daughter at 21, a miscarriage at 23, and abortion at 26 and a son at 30. I still think of my two children that would have been. I had an abortion because my husbands father had passed away and our life was hell. A baby at that would have been nothing but bad. I did that for us all, including the baby. When the time was right, and gods hand touched out lives, he gave me a wonderful son whom I cherish!
Life gets easier day by day if you find comfort in knowing that things happen for a reason. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Bless you~
peace and grace!
tam
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Avatar_f_tn
you need to forgive yourself but theres no excuse at all for abortion abortion is murder god creates a child for a reason,he has a reason for each life that is created, its not just a bunch of cells as doctors claim that is a life in gods eyes and all the abortion doctors will have to answer to god for each abortion they do, as far as not wanting a child how could anyone not want there own flesh and blood child there a part of you. if you or your husband didnt want the child, there are many people who would through adoption,a baby is a gift from god and noone has a right to take that childs life!!judgement will be harsh when  god judges for it !!
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165308_tn?1323190145
First of all, NEVER listen to what prettyinpink says...She is out of her gourd.  

Secondly, You definitely have unresolved issues...that is the reason for your nightmares.  You have to come to terms with what happened.  It seems you really didn't have an "abortion" since you were ready to miscarry so I don't think that is the issue.  Could it be because in a way you are "glad" (for lack of another word) that you didn't have to make this very difficult decision and it makes you feel guilty???  I am so big with guilt issues it is just crazy...but that is another story.  Whatever the reason, your heart is in turmoil right now.  You need to figure out your feelings as to what happened and not just what happened...Do you understand what I am trying to say.  Whatever you are feeling is O.K.  Our feelings cannot be controlled.  Feelings are neither bad nor good...it is just your emotions.  

Also, if you are Christian, remember also that you are human.  we all make mistakes in life...Remember Jesus forgave everyone and said, "Go and sin no more."  Learn from your experience and move on.  I think you are having a harder time forgiving yourself than God did.  We all make mistakes..some big, some small. It is what we do with it afterwards that matters.

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Avatar_f_tn
I can understand you feeling guilty, but since you decided at the last moment that you were making a mistake, you should feel no guilt.  The miscarrage (miscarriage) was not your fault.

If you are not a Christian, and made the decision you did, I am amazed.  I was not a Christian many years ago, and had two abortions.  I did not feel guilty at all, except one time when the Dr said that I should not use this "method" as birth control.  That was definitely a slap in the face!  But honestly, at the time, I had no respect for human life.

NOW...today, I am a Christian and do know that abortion is murder.  Not miscarrage (miscarriage) as in your case, but abortion.  An intent to kill a living being, amen?  God did create each individual for a purpose.  We are considered a living being from the moment of conception, which I didn't know. To me it was just a fetus, whatever that meant....

My abortions were selfish.  I didn't even think twice about raising those children.  Not even a bit.  How disgusting.

You did not kill your baby.  You had that intention, and then didn't do it.  So please take the guilt off yourself.

Try to reach out to Jesus.  He is definitely there for the needy hearts, amen?  I did, and I can tell you that I have never experienced love like this before, and never will.

God bless
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