Grief & Loss Community
I just need someone to talk to.
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I just need someone to talk to.

If you have the time to read and words to share, I'd like to listen.

In October 2009, my mother was diagnosed with colorectal cancer and began radiation and chemo therapy. By January 2010 she was having the mass removed and left her with a colostomy, which would be permanent thing. In October 2010 she would be having emergency surgery for a blood clot in her abdominal aorta. Constant complications after that.
  
In August 2010 my younger sister who was only 18 for four months was found deceased in a hotel bathtub..She was with two other people in the room and neither "know" what happened. They weren't questioned the day it happened, actually they never were interviewed until 2 months later. Neither of their stories matched as to the events of the night and they both claim to be the one to find her. Very suspicious matter, but the detective closed the case as an accidental drowning. (Which we seems to be very unlikely. My sister was probably like 5'9" and I don't know about other states, but Florida Days Inn bathtubs are small!) (She also had bruises on her hands and wrists that seemed to show struggle. One particularly on her left wrist that looks like it would have been caused from the soap dish on the wall..The detective in one of the interview tapes said that they put her case on the back burner and that's why it had taken so long to get them in for first interviews.) She left behind a 9 month old son, who was in the then care of my Mother since I was living too far away at the time to help. As she became sicker my Father and Stepmother (weren't legally married.) stepped in and started taking more care of my Nephew. They all lived together along with my teenage brother.

In 2012 my Mother passed away in March, twenty six days before my twenty third birthday ; (

My Father just recently un expectantly passed away 7/21/12 : (

Which has left me to become guardian of my 15, soon to be 16 year old brother and my 2 1/2 year old nephew.

We along with my fiance who is my high school sweetheart of close to 10 years and my stepmother all live together.

Both of my parents were in their mid 40's and I'm 23.

I feel like I have so much anxiety and fear I will lose everyone I love one by one and my brother is taking it extremely hard and I feel like he has begun to act out negatively and get in trouble..

  
Tags: family loss, Anxiety, High Stress, hurt
3 Comments Post a Comment
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi...wow so much loss, I'm so sorry.  I know exactly how you feel, within 3 years I lost both my parents (I was 25) my husband, in-laws, brother-in-law, and a younger brother.  Then my son and my grandson passed away after suffering for so long.  I still don't understand it all as I'm sure you don't either. You're being forced to grow up very quickly but caring for your brother and nephew is a wonderful thing for you to do, and all of this will make you a stronger person. Life can feel so unfair at times, and as much as we may question "why" we may never know. I feel all of this will make you appreciate your life and everyone in it more than ever, but a big void in your heart remains.  I have the same fear as you, and I've never over-come it....I could lie and say that I did, but when you lose so many..it's very difficult to do.  I can say that if I have learned one thing in life it's that the worrying hasn't changed a thing, and I've worried most of my life away while living in fear of losing another loved one.  Don't do this to yourself, live in the moment and don't miss a second of your life!  Go to your brother's school about his issues...I mean why wouldn't he struggle with this? As adults we can't wrap our head around all of it how can we expect a younger person to?  The school should be able to help you out in some way with getting him some help.  As for your sister...be the squeaky wheel!  Keep going to the police and asking what is being done about your sister?  Just keep talking to the police, the detective... anyone who will listen.  Go to your local newspaper, ask the Chief of Police to get involved, before long they'll be forced to look further into this if only to get you off their backs.  Write to your Governor, I have accomplished a lot by doing this!  Journal everything about your sister and what happened so you have a formal letter to send out.  Then try journaling all of your feelings and emotions, it's very therapeutic for us as it serves as a form of release for us.  I think these two children were left in your care because something bigger than all of us knew you were capable, and loving.  This is your family for now and all of you will make it through this....I promise.  While your heart is breaking into a million pieces you're thinking about everyone else...you're a remarkable young woman!  Try to talk with your brother, maybe he thinks he needs to pretend that everything is okay when it isn't and he needs to hear from you how hurt and angry you are as well. Open up the line of communication, and tell him you know how he feels because you feel the same way...can we talk?  Let him know it's okay to cry...take him out somewhere and tell him to scream as loud as he can at how angry he is.  He's keeping everything bottled up and is acting out as a result.  As sad as all of this is, he still has to abide by your rules, so do your best to keep him in line while working to get him to talk to you.  I am so sorry for all of this, and you need to make sure you mourn your losses as well.  We're always here for you and if you ever want to talk or just vent, you can message me.  Big hugs to all of you and take care.
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803451_tn?1390087022
My dear - what a heavy burden!  I came here because my loss was a service dog - I read your post and my troubles seem small.  Your sister's death needs to be investigated - push for that when you can.

I am sorry for your loss and so much all at once.  You must take care of your own health during this time.  Everyone needs to eat healthy regular meals - sit down together every evening - and also get enough sleep.  

If you notice too much depression in anyone including yourself look to a pastor or counselor to help you with the grief.  

Talking may help for some but never force anyone to say more than they can at any one time.  

You will be in my prayers! I am not particularly the prayful type but I really feel for you and wish you ONLY the best each day forward from today!
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803451_tn?1390087022
The acting out is a normal expression for boys of that age but getting into trouble may haunt him years down the road.  

Ask the school system for a youth counselor or perhaps the town has youth counselors.  

Also get him involved with sports if you can.  The anger at what has happened is not always dealt with well by boys and can backfire on them so that they end up with criminal records for something that was out of their control.  

As his guardian you need to get him help fast - not as a punishment - but to help him through this time so that he can live a decent life in the future.  
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