I've changed into an entirely different person

First off: My heart dog died in January. He wasn't "just a dog", he was my best friend AND my child surrogate. Not to mention a really great dog. =)

So, it's one thing to go through the stages of grief and make it through to the other side. It's something else when you realize you're a completely different person now.

I may not think about him much anymore, I may not cry or feel sad that he's gone. But my life is not the same and THAT'S what is depressing.

We had a whole vocabulary I no longer use. I trained him to make choices and we could communicate to an extent. It took a lot of concentration on my part, but usually I could figure out what he was trying to tell me. (Hungry, got to pee, bored, walkie?, stop fighting, I'm jealous, etc.).

That vocabulary carried over to my other pets and my husband. I was constantly aware of my dog, everything I did involved him, he went everywhere with me, including work. Now I don't sweet talk my other pets, and am silent much of the time. There's just that vocabulary I have no use for anymore.

I would take him for a walk and talk to 10 people, all about my dog. He had the sweetest personality, he expected everyone to love him and they did.

I go for a walk now and talk to no one.

He tickled me pink, he was so cute and funny. I laughed and smiled and rejoiced in him. I laugh and smile and rejoice in nothing.

I don't feel like I'm grieving or depressed, I just feel like I turned into someone who never smiles, never talks to anyone, and never feels joy. But I'm not even thinking about him.

[helpinghousemates]

the saying dog is a mans best friend isnt for any small reason they really are you lifetime best buddy.
i have a chloe. shes a staffordshire and shes 16, ive had her since i was four, and theres not a moment in my life that shes not a part of. ive never been anywhere without her, ive never spent a single night anywhere that she wasnt, and when shes hurt  jus know.
some pets, not all but some are just magic, they have something that nothing else in the world has, and you cant understand it untill youve been lucky enough to have it.
its called soul mates. in humans i dont believe in it, but in dogs its real.
and when theyre around, life is good, even when its not, your safe and loved and trusted and home. but when they die, so does a part of you, a part that you can never get back.
theres just this big gaping hole in your heart and its now nothing. but you cover it over and pretend its not there, and sometimes you pretend so well that you even fool yourself into forgetting the pain.
but the truth is your ruined, when you loose a part of you, that you love so much, then you die as well, in a sense.
but im sure your dog, wouldve wanted to see you happy, im sure he loved your other pets and wouldnt want them to miss out on a ounce of love that you have to give them.
make him proud, and prove that you can love something again.
maybe you'll never trully heal, but try, what was his most faveroute thing? maybe you can try hat in hopes of keeping him alive in your mind.
remember to smil, even if its fake at first, he'd want that.