Loss of a friend

[melissa845]

Last year I lost my closest friend to a drug overdose on my birthday.
I no its a long time but im only just coming to terms with her death now as im in recovery for drug addiction.
Im finding it very hard without her, I had know her my whole life and saw her almost everyday, and now its just hit me that i wont see her walking down the street or at another birthday.
I wake up feeling really sad and depressed. It took me a long time to get it through my head that it wasn't my fault, and most days thinking its not fair that her life was taken because she had her future planned and she was happy and it doesnt make any sense.
Does anyone have anything to suggest that will help me through grieving, I have never really lost anyone close to me before.

[melissa845]

I am getting there just been a very bad week.
I am trying to look after myself...just been a little bit hard at the moment.

[jmjmjm]

Mel ,

seek professional help , spill it all out , I'm afraid you may not be able to hold on to your own , a good talk therapist could help , it helped me when I was depressed , there's nothing wrong in seeking help , Don't isolate yourself , we don't want to loose you ... pls pray to God for strength , pray , the answers may not come soon but it will come ... it will come ...what you're going through is called post traumatic stress disorder ... have you stopped taking care of yourself ? you didn't write back ...

[melissa845]

Im finding it very hard to stay positive...Everything i do and everywhere i go reminds me of her...I saw her everyday and then just to wake up to reality that shes not going to be calling me or stopping over or going out ever again is very hard.
Im trying to think about the good times like you said...But every time i do it makes it harder and then i get upset and then angry then depressed.
Most of the time i cant sleep because i cant get the image out of my head from what she looked like when she collapsed...She looked so scared...And there was nothing i could do.
I miss her so much its hurting...Its like there is a part of me missing...

[henry576]

I have deep regrets for being short with him in recent years, but i was so worn out from the drugs and stealing.   We did share some great holidays in the last two years so i must focus on that rather than one or two moments where i briefly acted harsh.  We all do this, he even did it with me and it has little to do with the love we had for one another.

Missing my brother badly.



Hank

[Judy246]

I'm so very sorry on the untimely passing of you friend. She was very fortunate to have you. Melissa, her death was not your fault! Unfortunately, she did not have the coping skills to situations that in reality were temporarily. If she would have only held on one day at a time and one step at a time.

What you are experiencing is the loss and the grief process has many stages and it will take time. My mother died in my arms in July of Congestive Heart Failure and diabetes and I can only describe it as a life changing event. You and I will never be the same. Death has a cruel way of changing us a human being, but we are also survivers and will be able to handle anything that comes our way.

It's going to be ok, but one day at a time and one step at a time...Judy

[henry576]

I feel your pain.  I lost my brother 9 weeks ago and it was life shattering.  I think sometimes i am blocking my real level of hurt because it is too intense.  I feel like a wounded animal staggering in the jungle, lucky to be able to breathe and putting one step in front of the other.

Prayer and the good times we shared are all i have.

Hank

[melissa845]

It has helped so much, Thank you, I didn't know where to go, But now I know, I'll pray and think of the good times like you said.
I really appreciate it.
Mel.

[Beachwalker33]

Melissa,
            Pray your heart out! Think about what makes you happy.When I start getting really sad about my Mom's passing,I go to the local animal shelter and pet and hold the cats.Animals were put on this earth to bring us comfort! Your friend wants you to move on,that doesn't mean you didn't care.Would your dear friend want to see you unhappy?Of course not!Your friend in spirit,could be with you right now!Ask God for a special memory of your friend to replace the negative pictures in your mind.Focus your thoughts on that special memory,things you two laughed about,the good times,the beginning and the middle of your special friendship,try not to focus on the end.When your birthday comes around think of what a wonderful party in heaven she's having just for you.She's in the best place in the world,heaven,she has no more pain,no more sorry,just peace and happiness.She will always be in your heart and nothing can ever change that! Writing in a journal helped me,even write to her,she as an angel,will be looking over your shoulder reading every hearfelt word.I hope this helped.I lost a good childhood friend,in a similar way,so trust me I get it.Big hug to you,Jen