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Loss of girlfriend and an empty space
Hey everyone,
I'm a 15 year old male. When I was in year 9 (14 years old) I started dating my first ever girlfriend. She was amazing and was my first ever serious relationship. I was her first real boyfriend and we bonded so much in the first 5 months. Everything changed when I I got the flu for a week and after that was self diagnosed with HOCD (homosexuality obsessive compulsive disorder.) I had a panic attack and didn't want to be gay at all and it freaked the hell out of me. I did sexual acts with other friends as a confused kid. I didn't even know what being gay was back when I was 6,7. I forgot all about those things for about 6 years and never questioned that I wasn't homosexual. but then it spiked back as a teenager. Things started to not be going well with my girlfriend either, she was having extreme family issues and fell into a depression. We tried to help each other through it but it eventually came to her breaking up with me. I cried non stop for two days because of her, it felt like I would never find someone like her ever again (and still feels like that to this day.) now I feel like I'm turning gay which I really don't want to be, I can't imagine a life without this girl.

My question is,
Is all these homosexual thoughts coming into my head because it's just puberty? Or is it because there is a hole there and I need it to be filled with some sort of companionship and the only companionship I can find is with other men? I never want to be gay and I feel really uncomfortable about thinking that I will.
Please help.
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Avatar universal
It seems to me that you might like men but not be okay with that fact or may think that it is wrong to be gay or bi, and there is nothing wrong with it at all.
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