I'm a 15 year old male. When I was in year 9 (14 years old) I started dating my first ever girlfriend. She was amazing and was my first ever serious relationship. I was her first real boyfriend and we bonded so much in the first 5 months. Everything changed when I I got the flu for a week and after that was self diagnosed with HOCD (homosexuality obsessive compulsive disorder.) I had a panic attack and didn't want to be gay at all and it freaked the hell out of me. I did sexual acts with other friends as a confused kid. I didn't even know what being gay was back when I was 6,7. I forgot all about those things for about 6 years and never questioned that I wasn't homosexual. but then it spiked back as a teenager. Things started to not be going well with my girlfriend either, she was having extreme family issues and fell into a depression. We tried to help each other through it but it eventually came to her breaking up with me. I cried non stop for two days because of her, it felt like I would never find someone like her ever again (and still feels like that to this day.) now I feel like I'm turning gay which I really don't want to be, I can't imagine a life without this girl.
My question is,
Is all these homosexual thoughts coming into my head because it's just puberty? Or is it because there is a hole there and I need it to be filled with some sort of companionship and the only companionship I can find is with other men? I never want to be gay and I feel really uncomfortable about thinking that I will.
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