Lost my husband,had a baby i its hard to cope

[LiezelfFloresArcansalin]

Last yr october we discover about my husband illness that he has to undergo open heart surgery that he almost lost his life after but then  after 1 month he was discharged and get to spend his 2 weeks time with me and his 2 yr old son. Then he had cardiac arrest at home infront of my eyes i was bady shaking then 1 mnths after he died and i was so depressed that i almost forgot that i was pregnant with our 2nd baby and i was only 23 that time. Since then i gt scared with ambulance siren, hospital and everything that reminds me of that night and rhe day i saw him no breathing at the hospital.  Evrytime i get too see those things my hand shakes i feel terrible then i had a baby a new born baby who i love the most but then i dont feel like excited   Dont get me wrong i love both of them bit then i feel empty, then i feel like if i heard someone who is sickni imagine them dying i imagine them in a coffin i know i sound hilarious and bad  i cant help it, i dont tell other people because i fee like they would think im crazy.. i miss my hisband so much his only 26 when he died.  Now i just turn 24 with kids and i dont know if why im still like this its nearly a yr since then  and my heads spinning likw im crazy  girl..