Lost without my Mom

[chriscross1964]

Hi all,
I am writing to you today because I have so much on my mind, and I feel that I have overloaded my family with sadness and tears I want to give them a break, so I decided to write my feelings on here to see if anyone can relate...Dont get me wrong my family has been a huge support to me I just wanted to give them a break.
I lost my mom on October 28, 2012..It to date has been the darkest day I have ever experienced except the loss of my dad 6 years ago.  but at that time we still had mom so we kept it together for her. I am 49 years old and I am married with 2 kids of my own 23 and 24....and I am having the hardest time keeping it together. Mom was diagtnosed with lung cancer May of last year...she was unable to have the cancer removed surgically because of the location in the lung, radiation was also out because it was too close to the heart..so we were left with chemotherapy which I am scared of to begin with, Anyway she started her treatment like a trooper and was doing real well, She had a few medical issues prior to the cancer with her heart but they kept careful watch. She was responding real well to the chemo even though it would make her so ill for 2 or 3 days after but then on the mend again....her PET scans were showing shrinkage and we were all very optimistic, even her Oncologist was pleased with the progress. I had been staying with mom giving her a hand for a few weeks as I live in Seattle and she was in the Bay Area of California. Her last chemo was scheduled for October 31....YAY we were all excited at that point prior I decided to go home to Seattle to see my family and gear up for the holidays, I flew home on October 21, 2012, Well the early morning of October 28th I go that call from my brother that you have nightmares about. He got up at 7am and found her on the floor of the living room. From that very second forward life as I knew it was gone....my world turned black...and I have to say even with all the blessing I am blessed with I neglected to see them...I have had a hard time recovering we were extremely close even living so far we talked every single day on the phone sometimes multiple times..I have two brothers alsoy youngest brother lived at the house with mom  and his girlfriend and my older brother not to far away.
I have days where I cant even breathe correct..and I cry soooooo much. I would really love to hear how others handled or are handling this devastating life altering event.....Please share Im broken

[drmom911]

Oh sweetheart.  A lot of this is just time.  It simply takes time to process the grief.  It will get easier but it's certainly not an overnight process.  It took me well over a year to start to move forward when I lost my grandmother.  I also think that getting something like cremation jewelry or a keepsake to hold a remembrance of your mom (ashes, a few strands of her hair, etc.) helps tremendously.  It keeps her close to you in a very private way.  I have a few favorites that I've bought as grieving gifts but there are many companies out there.   Sending thoughts, prayers and hugs!  

[AnnieBrooke]

Talk to a grief therapist, and also talk to your doctor for a (likely temporary) prescription to an antidepressant.  I am certain your beloved mother being gone leaves an immense hole in your life, but at your age and with children of your own, I also wonder if her death opened some emotional unfinished business of another kind.  Talk to a counselor who specializes in dealing with grief, it will not make what happened change, but you will find you are not crying all the time.