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Missing My Son So Very Much
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Missing My Son So Very Much

This Christmas has been so awful without my son. I dont think i will ever recover from this. I dont even wont to be here on earth i wont to be with my son. My son was killed on April 13th 2008 and buried on my birthday. This has been a nightmare for me. People tell me it gets easier but it hasnt, its only gotten worse for me. i am seeing a counslor  a Psychigtrist. I am going to grieving class's nothing is helping me. I just wont to be with my son... he was only 16 years old. He got killed on a 4 wheeler (ATV). I will never own another one. I wished God would go ahead and take me . I have been suffering for almost 9 months. It will be 9 months the 13th of Jan. I dont know what else to do. Has anyone out there lost a child to a 4 wheeler, if so  contact me please. There are so many days i dont even wont to be alive... i cant take much more. I do not take Medication and dont wont Medication. I just wont to be with my son.
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11 Comments Post a Comment
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176495_tn?1301284012
Mitzi, I'm so sorry for your loss...I too lost my son, a few days over a month ago and the grieving process is terrible...he was 26 and died after asperating (?) after a night of too much alcohol (which I have now sworn off of)...I find it hard to do anything, or want to do anything.  Each day I go through a period of just sitting and crying and wondering why..at times I get angy, and times just depressed.  

We need to try to move on with our lives here...there is much to live for, though we don't see it now..I will be strarting counseling as soon as I can set it up and will try to get through this.  

I wish you the best...don't give up...this year I lost my stepmother of 50 years and I got through that, and I know I'll get through the loss of my son...much as I miss him terribly now...

God bless you..

Jim
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi! I'm so sorry for your loss.I lost my mom to ovarian cancer on August 14th.I feel your pain.If I can offer any support let me know.God needed him for a higher purpose,some day you'll find out why.Not anytime soon.Please don't hurt yourself.When we lose someone close to us that thought always crosses our mind,but let it go.Your son is still with you in spirit.He's happier then he'e ever been.God knows all his likes and dislikes,has made a special place in heaven just for him.When were upset and grieving our loved one's know it.Your son wants you happy,just like my mom wants me happy.Pray for God to lesson your pain.Start a journal,write letters to your son,God,or just your thoughts it will help,I promise.Roses in December is an excellent book about other parents that have lost a child as well.Knowing your not alone will help.God bless,big hug to you.I hope this helped,Jen
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165308_tn?1323190145
The firsts of everything, and sometimes even the seconds are the worst of all...First Christmas, Birthday, etc.  You can't help but constantly wish it was just one year ago and you could all be together again.  Losing a loved one is the most difficult thing in the world, but somehow, with time, we do make it.  Things will never be the same, but you can be happy again, and you will smile again...just trust in God and in time...everything is still so very new.  Don't beat yourself up.  Feel what you need to feel, and do not get upset with yourself for not feeling "better"...it will happen...
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Avatar_f_tn
Your so right Suzi,the firsts for me, as I think you know,came so soon after my mom's passing.I'm starting to feel better.I've put on a much needed 5 pounds,nobody says they notice.We've had a lot of bad luck since my mom Kathy's passing.Their's a lesson I'm supposed to be learning from all this.I feel like I must not be learning it and am being punished for it.I got a new car its cheered me up a bit,but of course I'd much rather have my mom back instead.I'm starting to realize that she is really gone and this one I can't fix.I feel her presence at times and even seen her aura on a moniter at the drug store in town.Acceptence is very difficult,but I'm trying for my son most of all.God only helps those that help themselves.Love to all during our trials and tribulations,Jen
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332074_tn?1229564125
I have seen several of your post and have even commented on a few, and you really seem desperate to find someone who lost a child in the exact same way as your son. What I think you should know is that while you may never find anyone who has lost a child in the same type of accident that took your sons life, a loss of a child no matter how it happens brings the same grief to any parent.

I know that there have been other parents who have lost children responded to your post and while you have been nothing but greatful to them, it seems like you may not feel what you are going through because they lost their child in a different way. How it happened is pretty irrelevent, that it happened is what is so devastating. We are all here on this forum for a reason, and that is to help each other through our grief, and I am sure if you will let them, there are many parents out there who have lost a child that could really give you some good ideas on learning to cope with your loss.

Maybe at some point you can even be a good spokes person on ATV safety and help save the life of someone elses child.

I hope you don't think I am coming down on you, I just wanted to let you know that there is some good people on this forum with some really good ideas on how to learn to cope, and I am afraid you might be missing the help by focusing on the how and not the accual fact that you lost your son and you are really hurting.

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686059_tn?1293837427
I lost my mother and no matter how they pass "death" is raw and painful and there is no way around it. I can't even begin to think what I would do if I had lost a child, but what I do know that my mother died and I had to experience her dyingin my arms, picking out a dress to bury her in, the wake, the burial and the most painful experience in my life.  Trying to live the rest of my life without my mom.

As you can read from my posting... I just wanted to die.  I did not want to live with her.  I am feeling a little better, but there is no set time with grief and everyone grief differently, but we have all had a huge, life changing loss in our life and we will never be the same.

Any advise by kind hearted people is needed and welcomed.

God bless.

Judy
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Avatar_f_tn
I have felt like you are feeling now. I wanted to be with my son..very badly.  I became preoccupied with the thoughts. I took tranqulizers and alcohol to self medicate and in the process I nearly joined him. The substance also delayed my greiving, but eventually I did greive and with out it you can't heal.

He was murdered and 2 years later I finally went to a "homicide surviors" group. It did help to hear other's in my situation.  It helped me realize that these things really do happen to others.

The web site I posted has a place you can post your story and you can read other's who have had a lose of a child due to ATV accidents. It's probably to early for you. I remember I could not read anything at all about the loss of a child for 2 years.  It hurts so bad... I know.

The edge is off now, for the most part, and I find myself feeling quilty about that.

You will find peace,

abby
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681888_tn?1272925909
hi mitzi my name is bernie ,......for what its worth i have been were you are right now lots of times ,in feeling i want to die ,.i had a bad time just last week ,
and  with the help of my friends here on mh i dont think i would still be here ,
dont get me wrong ,there are still times even when my friends are helping me, i still want to be with my kids ,.but i still have a young son to be here for ,.
i find it so hard to be even here for him but in his own way he is suffering also ,.
i am going to be honest with you because i know you want the truth ,when its a mother  loses her child to death ,it doesn't get easier ,.it only gets worse in the way that you will miss him so much you want to be with him and that is normal .but if you have a way of taking your life you really need to go back to your d,r, and tell him ,.,.you will miss him more and more as time goes by and i wont lie to you ,.,.
and  as Ive been told i have to be strong ,that is another story when the death of your son ,and daughter is draining you ,.i dont know if you are really looking for someone that had a child that died in the same way as your son ,.or could it be that he was taking so quick from you as my children were ,.my son and daughter died of suicide ,.and this year has been the worse ,.my son died over 6 years now ,.and my daughter died just over 3 years now ,no it doesn't get any better ,and not for a long time ,.
my heart it broking ,......i dont know how much longer i will be here for my young son and i dont want to hurt either but  i did lose my two children and i think people seem to forget that when they tell me i still have another son ,.my kids  were taking from me so quick i still cant believe it ,or i prob dont want to believe it ,the mind is a funny thing ,it makes you think all sorts ,please dont give in to it ,.i dont think i would still be here right now talking to you if i had of giving in to it ,.
you have a very long road ahead of you ,.but one thing i do know is i take is one hour at a time now ,and it helps ,.
if im feeling like i have a plan to die i call on my friends here on mh ,.
its these people who has saved my life, not the d,rs,of therapist's ,of anyone out side  of my home but my friends ,.
talk ,talk to your friends here ,dont worry if you keep going over and over the same thing just talk to them ,........i find talking is good very  good ,.im so sorry i would love to tell you it gets easier but i cant ,.....he was your son, just like they were my kids ,we were  there mothers ,...a mothers love is so strong and some day ,and im saying some day ,i hope you will learn  to live and deal with it ,i am trying my heart to learn ,and for now my help is my friends ,.....please talk ,.............and i would like to say im so sorry to all that lost someone so dear and so close to them ,.
you are in my thoughts ,.bernie ,.

thanks to you all .


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477608_tn?1238531558
This was my fourth Christmas without my son. Does it get any easier? I think not.

As for the wanting someone who lost a child in the same way....I have to say jml....it DOES make a difference in certain circumstances. How many of you, say, lost an 18 year old infant? One who for 18 years depended on you for EVERYTHING, including shaving, picking your nose, eating, everything. I did. I find it somewhat easy to relate to others losses....yet feel alone with anyone being able to relate to me.

Mitzi, your loss and pain is yours. Only you know what you are really feeling. I (and others) CAN relate to what you are going through, but only YOU can decide to get through minute by minute.
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686059_tn?1293837427
I just have to comment that the way her son passed is very relavant to her and her family and seeking others with similar situations is only normal and would be a healing experience to share stories. Weather you will find a family with the same type of accident it is possible, but by just listening to others stories does help and what we all have in common is that we have all experience what death can do to a family.

We are not here to judge anyone that would be hurtful during the worst time in someone life, but to share and be compassionate with each other would be not only be healing, but deeply appreciated.
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Avatar_f_tn
It's Christmas Eve, and I'm sitting here alone Talking to my son who has passed on 1 & half yrs ago, from a fatal reaction to cough syrup with codene. These holidays are the worst, because they are family afair, and the main one, that my life was wrapped up in. /  when Jamie was about 13, he taught me a lesson on what the holiday was really about. Friend of mine had her children,just dumped of at her house( their father had them) She had no gifts, no food, no tree or anything.I told my son about her, and he went to his rm, and got his prized Teddybear, put a big bow around it's neck, and told me to give it to one of her girls,. I said, but this is your prized bear. Then he told me , Mommy,I feel if God can give his ONLY son to die on the cross for Everyones sins, so we could have a happy life, why, Then  I feel God wants me  to give my one and only prized bear, to a little girl to make her happy. because Christmas is a time for giving, not getting. Now I crochet Santa boots, fill them with candy, and give them to as many friends as I can,.this way I feel I am kipping his sprit alive. I hope this will help anyone in this grief group,to get thro the holidays alittle. I still plan to write a book on his life and all he accomplished. He was born with cerebral palsey and was not suppose to live to 15 or ever able to take care of hisself, but I pushed him all the way,till he became an ordained minister,and preached several churches just befor he went to stay with Jesus. Please let me know if this helps anyone. God Bless You All      Dee














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