My Mother

Question

I guess you all will say, well, it has been six years and you are talking to us about this?! BUT! In January, I will have lost my Momma ,she will be gone six years. I still cannot deal with it. I cannot let my self dwell on her, look at her pictures, I am afraid, I will forget her voice, her smell, her smile. When my precious Mother-in-law died, I cried straight for three weeks. My Mother, I have cried little. Every once in awhile, something gets me. She promised me, she would never leave me. When I was little, I had to have special privaleges to call Momma if I heard a siren! Often, I would beat her home after she dropped me off at school. We were extremely close. I was wondering, why I can not accept finality. Because there seems to be none. She was creamated and I hated that! I have no place to stand over her and talk and cry. My Father let us have nothing to do with her death. She had no funeral and she knew everyone in our town! So, I just do not know why, I am reacting this strange way. 
Chrystal

mommy52 · Answer

iT HAS BEEN 11 YEARS IN jANUARY FOR ME AND THERE IS STILL A HOLE IN MY HEART THAT WILL NEVER BE FILLED.I DO NOT WANT IT FILLED. i HAVE MEMORIES AND CHOOSE TO KEEP THOSE TO REMIND ME OF HIM. I ALSO REMEMBER THE PAIN AND THAT HELPS ME TO SEE HE IS BETTER NOW. HE DID RECEIVE HIS HEALING BUT IT WAS NOT ON EARTH. DO NOT KEEP FEELINGS INSIDE NO MATTER HOW LONG IT HAS BEEN. WHEN YOU SPEAK UP IT MAY OPEN THE DOOR FOR SOMEONE THAT FEELS THE SAME BUT CAN NOT SPEAK UP . DOES THAT MAKE SENSE? TALK ABOUT YOUR LOVED ONE. SHARE MEMORIES. I FEEL IF A PERSON / FRIEND DOES NOT WANT TO HEAR ME THEN THEY ARE NOT A FRIEND. I THINK I CAN SPEAK FOR THOSE HERE WHEN I SAY, WHATEVER YOU FEEL YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT, DO SO. WILL KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYERS AS WELL AS ALL OTHERS. BLESSINGS. MADLYN

Judy246 · Answer

My mother died July 19, 2007. How can we ever move on? I don't know how.  The loss is  soooo huge. She was my mother and now I walk around feel like an orphan. It's the first time in my life that I have felt what it is like not to have a mother to go to. I'm lost without her and feel helpless. I just can't believe that she isdead, buried, in the cold ground. It just kills me.  I've had to "learn" against my will to live without her in my life and my 83 yr. old father said that he is "destroyed". To hear my father state that he is destroyed, destroys me. .....death is cold, brutal and heartless. It doesn't matter if they were buried, cremated, in a crypt... we all hate the thought that someone so part of us is dead.

I just can't except it. I live with it, because I have to, but can't except that my mom is "dead".  I will grieve her until my very last breath, so there is not time limits on grief.  I've learned that everyone grieves differently,but I will NEVER be the same. I don't think it's fair that your father does not let you have nothing do with her death. That means that he can't deal with it. It's ok to grieve, it's ok miss her, to cry. I wish I didn't have to stand over my mothers grave, because I fall on my knees over her grave and sob as if my heart is going to come out of my chest. I sob and wish the earth would open and swallow me hole. I want to dig her out, because she does not belong there..l.she belongs with me and my dad at home, so you see....we all understand your pain. Chrystal, go to your church, parish, etc...and request or dedicate masses. In the Catholic faith, we go to our parish and ask that a special mass is dedicated to the decease and it's so nice when in the beginning og the  mass the pastor says " This mass will be dedicated to the soul of  Cathy Mendez".  

I will keep you in my prayers and it's perfectly normal to feel the way you do. We're human and we will never forget our parents.

God bless,

Judy

kiddthekatt · Answer

Bless your heart, I know exacty how you feel. My Mom passed over in 1974 and her 89th birthday was the 2nd of Dec. I was 18 years old and had just lost my first baby 2 months to the day before my Mom. After the funeral, my father brought me the two younger kids and left them, letting me know that he was not going to be saddled with them.
   That was the day that I disowned him. My husband and I raised my brother and sister and then our 3 kids. Chrystal there's not a day that passes that I don't think of my Mom. She's been gone for 34 years, and at times it seems just yesterday. And I talk to her a lot, and that helps to ease my stress and sometimes the pain of the fibro. My Mom was my best friend and it took me years to get over it. Take care.

gentle hugs
Angel