My husband recently committed suicide in our home. I have 2 older kids and we miss him tremendously. Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought he would do such a thing. He is absolutely the love of my life and always has been. I'm having a very difficult time dealing with this and trying to help my kids cope with it. I've never felt so lost in all my life. My husband was dealing with a drug problem and couldn't stop. I fear that my son will become so depressed he may take his own life. I watch him very closely all the time but I know I can't be with him 24/7. Also I'm having to give my daughter a wedding in about 6 months. She deserves the best day ever but she was a daddy's girl. How do I give her away when my husband was suppose to do it? This is going to be a very difficult time. If anyone can help me with my children and myself I would greatly appreciate it.
Sorry for your loss,remember its not your fault.Just try to be there for your son thats all you can do you cant be there every moment.You have to realize your husband wasnt himself & had a illness.Remind your daughter her dad will be there for her special day.We never get over losing those we love & honestly the days ahead will be difficult.Look to God with hope, faith & love he will help you through.
There are groups in most towns for the living. Those grieving, feeling angry, guilty and just bewildered for the person who abandoned them. Suicide Prevention in your area would know if there is a group for Survivors of Suicide.
Your son is in a precarious area. There is something called group or contageous suicide where one does it then the next and so on.
Please get him to a psychiatrist or a Psychologist specializing in grief. It won't go away on it's own. Best to have all your family in a Survivors of Suicide and also with either a psych or psychologist.
I am so very sorry for your loss. My husband also committed suicide in our home on October 15, 2008. This was the worst day of our lives. We have 3 children and I understand completely all the feelings you are having. I am so worried about our 17 year old son (he was 15 at the time). He has self medicated himself with pills and alcohol, and for a while, all I could say was "I don't blame him". I want the pain to go away too. But now I'm doing everything in my power that I can, to save my son's life. I have been watching him much closer and now he gets drug tested randomly. So far, tests have been negative.
Our daughter is 13 now and she is doing really good finally. She was a wreck for awhile, but has a tremendous support group of friends that have helped her turn into a sweet girl. She still is sad, and has struggled with depression, like we all do, but she's going to be okay.
Our 7 year old is the biggest heart breaker. He doesn't know the truth. He was told Daddy had a heart attack. I just couldn't look into his 5 year old eyes and tell him his Dad shot himself. It's the most painful with him because he's going to grow up without his Father, and without his parents raising him together. He will only have faint memories of his Dad and never really know what a great Man and Father he was. It's so hard for me.
If there is anything you would like to know, please feel free to ask me. I understand how you're feeling and what you're going through. Maybe we can help each other.
missing my husband
I too lost my husband to suicide. Almost five years now. I have made incredible progress dealing with and helping my sons 15 and 11 at the time. But not a day goes by that I don't worry and do my darnest to stay on top of everything. Sometimes feel so tired and feel like I'm forever running in a race. But my sons deserve a full happy life and all to well have already learned how unfair it is at times. People always have something stupid to say and often summarize a whole person by just viewing a portion of. I am only one my boys have that they can talk to and know they are 100% understood. Was enaged for a while but didn't fill the hole I will forever have - the part of me that will always love and be my husbands wife. I relate to what you wrote and would be happy to share with you what has worked/helped me.
To all you woman who have lost their loving husbands in this way I pray I can give some encouraging words. This is a hard thing for anyone but for a wife it must feel like your heart has been torn from your chest. Still you must move on and not allow this moment to be the one that consumes your lives. I know it must be hard to get past because my husband is my world and when he even threatened suicide my heart felt crushed. But his threatens made me begin to think over how I would move on myself.
Please woman as I have said dont let your grief consume you instead let the memories and the joy you had with your husbands consume you. This will allow them to never be truly gone, don't let their last bad choice be the one that defined who they were in life instead let the joy they brought to the world be the memory everyone has of these husbands. These husbands deserve to be remembered for the blessings they were in so many people's lives.
Also woman please never forget that you were the best wives you could be. Life can be hard and full of pressures that just weigh us down. That weight became to much for your husbands but that is not your fault nor your children's fault. So please don't take on the weight your husbands felt. Instead woman be the strong ones that you have been chosen to be and help your children through this, reach out to others who feel your pain. You still have lives to live. God made you stronger then what you will ever know you are. He knows what you can handle and when you feel you need to cry out to him he will hear you.
Also, cry out to your husbands speak to them, write them and find a way to get the closure that we all need. Express your emotions and don't bottle them up, but don't let the negative emotions(anger, guilt, depression) take over your life. Your husbands love you even in death and weren't thinking about how they were going to effect you with their this last bad choice.You never will know what was going through their heads exactly, but what you should realize is they were not themselves. Remember how they loved you and all the joy they brought to your lives.
I can't say when the pain will go away, and honestly I doubt it ever will fully be gone. But it will get easier to bear and it will make you stronger. Just remember the love that filled your marriages. I will be praying for all of you woman who have been called to be strong and face true tragedy head on. I will be praying for all you wonderful wives who had to feel a list like no other. May god bless you all...
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