Still can't believe he's gone

[Lauren_cat167]

My brother died in December of an accidental overdose. It was 3 days after his 23rd birthday. I miss him so much I can't believe i'm never going to see him or hear his voice again. I've never been as close to anyone as I was to him, he was so special. My life feels completely hollow and empty, i feel like i'm never going to enjoy anything again. I spent every weekend with him and now I just sit in the house, if i go out it just feels like there is a huge void where he should be. I keep dreaming about him and then I wake up and it hits me all over again. I don't believe in God or heaven, and neither did he, I wish I did, I could get through life if i knew i could see him again. None of it makes any sense, i can't begin to imagine the rest of my life without him.

[Sassefras827]

I know this is an old post, but I had to respond. I've just recently lost my father and I am a non-believer too. It is very difficult to lose someone you love. For those who are saying that the only way to get through the grief is to believe in God, it is a bit of a non-starter for non-believers. If you don't believe, then you can't just suddenly believe in God because that will make your grief "easier."  That would be kind of like believing in the easter bunny to a non-believer. It is like telling him/her to believe in a lie, because it will make grief easier to stomach. Obviously, such advice won't work.
The hardest part of life is losing a loved one. The second hardest part is trying to figure out if there is any sense to it all or, by default, to your own life. The sense of life comes not from what you have lost, but from having the loved one's memory live on within you and taking that memory and paying it forward. Be kind to yourself and to others. THAT is the way to move forward and make your life worth living again. It will take time to fill up the emptiness you feel after a loved one's death. Allow yourself to take as much time as you need. Yes, it feels empty and it may not make much sense. Maybe there is no sense to it at all, but even that can be freeing, when you realize that all you can really do in this life is to put your best foot forward and do the best you can for yourself and for those who still remain, for that is what your dearly departed would have wanted you to do... Peace and strength to all out there who are trying to cope.

[praying_mom]

Sorry for your loss.  I HATE drugs and addictions!  My son is gone because of them!

I don't know how anyone can get through it without God, though.

My heart goes out to you!  It is a very tough road to travel.  It has been 10 months for me now.

BTW, the way you described your son, sounded very much like MY son, although his addiction was to alcohol.  :\

I'll be praying for you!

Sandra
Mother of Jordan FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Prospero73]

Lauren, I can relate to every word you have written here.  We lost our beloved son to a methadone overdose about a month ago.  He was 27, and had been trying to recover for the last two years, while he was living at home with us.  There were many ups and downs during this time, including a couple of months in a residential rehab and three previous ODs which he survived.  Methadone addiction is notoriously difficult to recover from, and in the end it was too much for him.  Like your brother, he was very talented (as a musician) and had many friends, and there was much sorrow at his memorial service.  He was unhappy much of the time the last few years, but he had a gift for making others happy, and was a loving, caring person.  His mother and I tried our best to give him love and help, but you can't help feeling there must have been something you could have done, and that's what breaks your heart.  We are not religious in any traditional sense, but I believe in the fundamental order of things, and that nothing goes to waste, and will continue searching for a context in which things make sense, for this and everything else in my life.  His spirit survives in everyone that knew him, and they will never forget him.  The peace he longed for, he has at last, and he will help us find a way to heal our grief.  I saw him born, and I saw him die, and I could wish that it were otherwise, but may the spirit that lives in all of us help us live through our sorrow, and guide us with kindness and understanding.  

[Lauren_cat167]

I am so sorry to hear about your son and daughter. To lose someone in that way is unbearable. Though in the end my brothers death was accidental, he did try to end his life before. I just made sure i was always there for him, if he needed someone to talk to or just sit in silence with. I feel so guilty because I know how unhappy he was at times in his life, and no-one can hurt him now, but I just think about how much I miss him everyday. He really was my best friend, i could talk to him about anything. When he was down, he was so hard to be around, but when he was up he was the best. He was so talented and had so many friends, he touched so many people. he deserved to live, and i would give my own life for his in a heartbeat. People talk about speaking to God but I can't just wake up one day and say, oh I think i'll pray to God today. It just doesn't work like that and i have to have strength within myself to come to terms with losing my brother. The one thing that is keeping me going is my mum, i have to be strong for her or she won't make it, our family has had the heart torn out of it.

[star641]

lauren can i just say a death so sudden is one of the hardest deaths to come to terms with ,..i know you have said you dont believe  in god and thats ok but as the other people
have said it was god that got them through there bad times ,
i am a believer also of god but when my son died of suicide i was devastated i thought i was going to go of my head he was one year older than you brother he was 24 ,.
he was my first born and all the memory's came flooding back of when i was so happy
after he was born ,i held him in my arms that morning after we found him just like i held
him after he was born he was just like my little baby again so helpless ,
3 years had passed and i was just starting to only grieve for him so i asked god to look after my baby boy till i meet with him again ,..everyday i asked god was he looking after him for me because some day i was going to be looking after him myself ,...
the only thing that was getting me through my sons death was the fact that god had him and was caring for him and i knew god had taking all his pain away ,...

after 3 years of my son passing my daughter died of suicide she was just 17 years old
she was so sad at the passing of her brother she never got over his death so she went to be at his side ,.....my dear can you just imagine now how i feel my baby girl has left us now ,..i couldnt live anymore  i wouldn't talk to god ,i wouldn't pray ,.i heated god with all my might ,.....how could he take two of my children how could he i thought ,
but he didn't no he didn't if anything he would have been whispering in there ears at that very time not to do what they where doing ,he didn't want them to die they where to young and he knew that but i didn't at that time i just heated him ,.
i dont anymore no i dont if anything he is doing for me now is looking after two of my children till i see them again in heaven ,...hun this has taking me 6 years to know god wasn't to blame for my children's deaths and i know god would never hold that against me for thinking in that way ,....but what i do know he is so happy i do now believe in him again he just gave me time and over time i did come to realize he wasn't to blame ,
if only you could talk to god and ask him to look after you brother you might then come to realize he been very well cared for ,...i know he is but if only you could you would feel some ease ,...now im not perfect by no means i am on meds and i have to go to see a therpaist every week but it is gods was of me getting some help to be able for me to look after my young son ,,.i will pray for you Lauren for god to give you the strength to live and i know he will god never torns his back on no one not even the one that dont beleive he is full of love ,......

[Judy246]

Because of my faith....I know that one day in God's time, she will come running to me from the gates of heaven and be the guiding light to show me the way.  Maybe, just maybe, God is sending you a message through us He is waiting for you to invite Him into your life and heart....free will. I promise He will fill that empty, inner void and fill you with hope that you will see your brother one day.....Judy

[praying_mom]

Hi Lauren,

What Judy says is right.  I don't know how I could get through something as traumatic as "death" if I didn't have God.  In fact, I don't even say that my son "died", because he is alive now more than ever!  If people ask how many children I have, I still count him.  I talk to him as though he can hear me, but I don't really know if he can or not.

Is there a reason you don't believe there is a God?

You have experienced something very traumatic for a person your age even if you DID believe in God.  My 25 year old son went to Heaven last July and I am still trying to cope.  Our brains just can't process that kind of information.  One day they are here and the next day they are gone.

I'm so sorry for the heartache you feel and for the pain, but God can bring comfort to you.

I will be praying for you.

Praying_mom
Mother of Jordan FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Judy246]

Hi Lauren,

I am so very sorry for your loss. Your brother was soooo young and it is going to take quite some time for you to begin to feel better. You have suffered a hugh loss and my heart goes out to you and your family.

Lauren, I understand that you dont believe in God, but God gave me the strenght to survive not 7 deaths in a 6 month period. I had death after death after death, loss my job, my dog died and if it were not for my strong believe and faith in God, I would not have survive. Easter represents hope, life and promise of ressurection through the death of Jesus Christ, so I believe, have faith and trust in God that I will see my mom again one day...that give me inner peace.

Please stay strong and we are her for you to simply talk...it does help alot.

God bless...Judy