I totally understand. I am just 43, and at age 21 lost my Dad to Cancer. and last summer, July 23rd '07, lost my mom very suddenly.
This last june we suddenly lost my aunt (My moms sister) who had been gone for 3 or 4 days when police had to go through her door to find her.
My children and i were visiting my mom at her work in Yosemite where she worked as a ranger. We were staying with her in her trailer when we found her dead on the trailer floor in the morning. It was a horrible trauma for both me and my kids.
While it has been over a year, you never stop missing them. You just sort of get used to that big hole hanging around.
I hope you are able to work through this time, and know you are not alone.
Yes, a truely big loss. However, it'll take commitment to get over it. If you ever need somebody to talk to, I'll be here.
I totally understand. Nothing like a mom....I lost my mom and dad 8 years ago 4 months apart. My life changed in a moment. You will feel very lost and lonely. You will go to pick up the phone. It is one of the hardest things you will ever live through....BUT, you will get through it. A little bit, one day at a time. I felt like an orphan for a very long time, but then I learned my mom lives inside me. Any questions that I have for her and want to ask, I find the answer deep inside me.
Your mom is alive in you. She will always be your mom and her words of wisdom live inside you. If you listen deep inside your heart...you will hear her....she is always with you.
Bless you.
I lost my dad the same way nine years ago. It is sad how something can take you from being a 40 some year old woman to a four year old little girl in one second. How to go on becomes a second by second way of life. You can not try to live for anymore time then that. The best advice I can give you is do not do more then you can until you are ready. People are really good at trying to keep you busy, and trying to keep you from talking about the death by talking to you about everything but that, and most times that is not what you want. They really are trying to help, and they really do mean well, but it is okay if we are not ready to accept it.
So sad to hear this, I 'm crying with you too : -( I do really understand when you said ' she is the one person that really cared about me'...we still 'mommy's little girl' no matter what age we are. I think our mom's death is the worst tragedy that can happen to our life. You'll be in my pray.