Suicide

3 weeks ago my 19 year old daughters boyfriend killed himself the day she told him that she no longer wanted to be with him. She is having such a difficult time. She is 4 and 1/2 months pregnant with his child. She feels abandoned by his family who blame her for his death. They have no communication with her at all and this is really hurting her. She does not try to contact them as they made it clear for her to stay away. She has nightmares almost every night and cannot sleep. Although she realizes that she was not responsible for what he did she still feels badly that she told him that she didn't want to be with him and that their last phone call was not a good one. I know that his family is grieving and I know that I cannot possibly understand their immense pain but I do have to look out for my daughter. She is angry at him and his family. How do I help her to realize that they are grieving and perhaps don't see thing clearly right now?

Thank you

[mammo]

I am so sorry about all of this!  I lost a son and can relate to what his family is feeling, and they aren't thinking clearly.  Your daughter needs to know that she is not responsible for another's actions.  He made a choice, a bad one, but in no way is it your daughter's fault!  Explain that her boyfriend had to be somewhat unstable to have done this, and maybe he too wasn't thinking clearly.  Tell her he didn't do it to spite her or hurt anyone, he may have just wanted out of it all.  Tell her to concentrate on that beautiful baby she is carrying, and with time the family will come to terms with all of this and want to be a part of her and the baby's life.  After all, this is all they have left of their son.  Explain to her that they are just plain angry that they lost their son, sometimes we don't know where to direct that anger (for me it was God) they are choosing her.  With time they will realize that it was his decision, and not blame her.  She needs to give them space and time, and to be patient and kind to herself. Tell your daughter that if God wasn't ready for her boyfriend, he would not have succeeded with his suicide, it was his time and way to go. Tell her not to take their anger personally, the loss of a child is the greatest loss we endure. I wish you both all the best, she has a wonderful mother and I suspect she will be one as well. Take care, and best wishes.

[ticked]

Oh man that is a very tough situation for your daughter to be in.

He chose to take his life and that is not her fault she didnt make him.

His parents are upset and are looking for someone to blame.  

There are underlying reasons other then your daughter saying that she didnt want to be with him anymore for him to take his life.

There is a reason why she wanted to leave him. He could have been severely depressed.  This is NOT her fault and it really is too bad his parents see it that way.

Maybe time will move on and they will realize that they still have their son through her child but then it may be too late for them to have that relationship .

You are doing the right thing and you are a great mother :)

[sammy184]

Thank you both for your reply. I have been telling her these things but for her to hear it from someone else may be a good thing. I may let he read these replys or tell her about them and let her decide if she want to see them. Not sure if I should as she might get upset at me for writing to strangers (sorry) about it but I think it's worth the chance.
And thank you for telling me that I am a good mother. I guess I needed to hear that too.