Aa
Too Much Loss, WAY Too Fast!!!
I've been to other forums lately, but one from Depression suggested I come here. I am 49, and separated from my husband, legally. 2010 was probably the worst year of my life. I came home one day in March and found my husband naked, in front of the computer, having cyber-sex...I left right then, and haven't been back. In June I had a Grand-mal seizure (my first), that left my legs too weak to walk and I needed a walker and physical therapy. Three weeks later I had a second one so bad that they had to put me in a rehabilitative home for 61 days. During that time I missed my mother's 73rd birthday, Sept 6. Since, I have had so many petit-mals that the ER physicians have told me not to come back because they can't help me (one day I had 5 in a row and was brought by ambulance.) They made me walk home even though I used a walker. My mother passed on Oct. 4th. My neuro left. I sought Mental Health help. My counselor didn't want to talk about these things, and the MH Dr. quit. I couldn't take it, so I closed my case. I did find a new neuro. But I have lost almost 1/2 my body weight (now weigh 98 lbs.) I can't stop losing weight, and I can't sleep (average 2-3 hrs/night). I miss mom (best friend) and our 4 am chats as she took her medicines. We used to go outside & listen to the crickets and birds while watching the sun come up...no more. I still wake at 4 am. My PCP isn't concerned about the weight loss and all the health issues and I've been looking for a new one. I haven't decided if I want to seek other MH help because all that is left is the county and I'm not sure I want to get involved with them. Loss isn't just about death is it? Because I feel like I've lost just about all I can stand. I'm sorry this is so long, but I guess I just need to get it out, somehow. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks so much.
First let me say I feel so bad for what you're going through. One thing after another like that. It's horrible when life happens that way.
And you're correct, loss is not only about death. In fact I came here for that very same reason. Not just death but losses in my life.
It's hard when medical professionals let you down also. Making you walk home like that..and that's the least of it. But don't give up trying with them because you may find someone who will help you.
I have a chronic illness I'm dealing with and I've had some bad experiences with doctors. So sometimes I just want to give up.
And I've had some mental health professional that hurt rather than helped.I just had my case closed at my local MH facility. Due to the fact hat I didn't show up consistently. I told them this is due to my health and if I were able to show consistently, I would not need to come in the first place. But hey sited their rules and closed my case.I took it as rejection, and it added to the loss.
But I need support. So I will go back and have them reopen my case. If they do close it again, so be it. Well just keep doing that then. Or perhaps I can get the disability association near me to get help talking with the MH and work something out.
Point is, take the help whenever and wherever you can get it. So maybe try out that County place. It may be better than you think. Some places I first thought were going to be horrible turned out to be very helpful.
When things hit one thing after another like they have with you, it does cause you to lose hope but please dont'.
I know how it feels. You need a break already. You just want someone to take over so you could catch your breath..well I'm speaking from my own experience of course but it such a similar situation to yours..Not the details but as a whole.
As I said I have a chronic illness.I have for almost ten years.
About a year after getting sick , I lost of my brother from a hearth attack,at 45. He was such a good friend, such a source of fun and support.
And my illness worsened over the next few years, I not only grieved for him but also my health. The loss of the life I once had. the loss of the things I thought I would have or could be be but now couldn't.
Then last year my father passed away on Christmas Eve. It was not sudden.So I grieved but not the same as my brother. I had lost my father more gradually, and in his case I think I felt the loss long before he passed.
Then my mother although she is still with me has changed. She took care of everyone for so long I think she' s just had it. She 's too old and tired and in pain herself to deal with others problems . Problem is she was my support. I've been sick and I would reply on her for pep talks. Well she has no more pep. So another loss I'm dealing with. There are all kinds of loss.
It probably wouldn't be as big a loss if i were healthy and had my own family.but I don't . Just as your loss probably would be easier had you had your husband to turn to or your Mom was still here. But unfortunately this is what we have to deal with.
It's sad that these things multiply on top of each other. When we need help and hope we get tackled again.
But you are not alone. There are a lot of people dealing with issues like yours. You might want to try a forum for the kind of medical problem you have. Or perhaps a support group in your area. You can look at the local hospitals..Or even search for you state and the illness you have + support. You might find a support group that meets in person.Talk to others that have the same medical issues, or at least something similar. I'm sure a lot of them are dealing with losses of their own.
Plus they may be able to give you advice on some of your medical issues.
You can get through this. Keep trying to get the help you need. It's hard when people have let you down to try again to ask for help. But we have no choice. We need the help or the support.
So you are not alone and these losses you have experienced which aren't death related ,can be as hard to deal with as the loss of a family member, which you have also had.
But we can get through them, I have gone through his before and the last time I came out better then before, so I keep reminding myself of that.
Hope something I said here may have helped at least a little.
Take Care.
And you're correct, loss is not only about death. In fact I came here for that very same reason. Not just death but losses in my life.
It's hard when medical professionals let you down also. Making you walk home like that..and that's the least of it. But don't give up trying with them because you may find someone who will help you.
I have a chronic illness I'm dealing with and I've had some bad experiences with doctors. So sometimes I just want to give up.
And I've had some mental health professional that hurt rather than helped.I just had my case closed at my local MH facility. Due to the fact hat I didn't show up consistently. I told them this is due to my health and if I were able to show consistently, I would not need to come in the first place. But hey sited their rules and closed my case.I took it as rejection, and it added to the loss.
But I need support. So I will go back and have them reopen my case. If they do close it again, so be it. Well just keep doing that then. Or perhaps I can get the disability association near me to get help talking with the MH and work something out.
Point is, take the help whenever and wherever you can get it. So maybe try out that County place. It may be better than you think. Some places I first thought were going to be horrible turned out to be very helpful.
When things hit one thing after another like they have with you, it does cause you to lose hope but please dont'.
I know how it feels. You need a break already. You just want someone to take over so you could catch your breath..well I'm speaking from my own experience of course but it such a similar situation to yours..Not the details but as a whole.
As I said I have a chronic illness.I have for almost ten years.
About a year after getting sick , I lost of my brother from a hearth attack,at 45. He was such a good friend, such a source of fun and support.
And my illness worsened over the next few years, I not only grieved for him but also my health. The loss of the life I once had. the loss of the things I thought I would have or could be be but now couldn't.
Then last year my father passed away on Christmas Eve. It was not sudden.So I grieved but not the same as my brother. I had lost my father more gradually, and in his case I think I felt the loss long before he passed.
Then my mother although she is still with me has changed. She took care of everyone for so long I think she' s just had it. She 's too old and tired and in pain herself to deal with others problems . Problem is she was my support. I've been sick and I would reply on her for pep talks. Well she has no more pep. So another loss I'm dealing with. There are all kinds of loss.
It probably wouldn't be as big a loss if i were healthy and had my own family.but I don't . Just as your loss probably would be easier had you had your husband to turn to or your Mom was still here. But unfortunately this is what we have to deal with.
It's sad that these things multiply on top of each other. When we need help and hope we get tackled again.
But you are not alone. There are a lot of people dealing with issues like yours. You might want to try a forum for the kind of medical problem you have. Or perhaps a support group in your area. You can look at the local hospitals..Or even search for you state and the illness you have + support. You might find a support group that meets in person.Talk to others that have the same medical issues, or at least something similar. I'm sure a lot of them are dealing with losses of their own.
Plus they may be able to give you advice on some of your medical issues.
You can get through this. Keep trying to get the help you need. It's hard when people have let you down to try again to ask for help. But we have no choice. We need the help or the support.
So you are not alone and these losses you have experienced which aren't death related ,can be as hard to deal with as the loss of a family member, which you have also had.
But we can get through them, I have gone through his before and the last time I came out better then before, so I keep reminding myself of that.
Hope something I said here may have helped at least a little.
Take Care.
Thanks for the support. I realize...I really do need a big hug. Unfortunatly, my family doesn't do those things...their pretty standoffish. I wish I could go out to car and scream, but I had to give it back when the state took away my license because of the seizures. I couldn't afford to keep it insured and still make payments. My ex took it. I wish they would at least get the seizures under control. That would make a big difference in my life. Again, thanks for "listening to me", I appreciate it. My best to you in all you do. I'll be back, soon...
After I read this.. I realized.. that you.. are a survivor. You have been through so much. If you were not meant to be here.. you would not be here. We all have meaning.. and you mean so very much. Whatever is thrown at you.. you have ... even though you find yourself down.. you have risen above.. and kept on going.. This says soo much about who you are. Feeling isolated and alone is something that is a natural feeling. Allow it to hang around ... when you are ready to let it go.. then.. let it go.. Sometimes.. when I think i have had to much.. i go out to my car and have a good scream.. I yell about everything.. my health.. whats going wrong in my life.. and then.. I dont feel so bad.. its not a cure all.. believe me.. but oh. its nice to do every now and then.
Dont stop believing... there are soo many bad docs out there.. and then again.. so manyy good ones..
You are right.. loss isnt just about death.. its what is left behind for those of us who are still alive.. we question so much ... we feel abandoned.. and we are left feeling like we are somehow in a grey area that we just cant seem to fully get out of.
I think that you are doing what you can. Its about one step at a time. I wish I could give you a big hug.. because you surely deserve so many.
Dont stop believing... there are soo many bad docs out there.. and then again.. so manyy good ones..
You are right.. loss isnt just about death.. its what is left behind for those of us who are still alive.. we question so much ... we feel abandoned.. and we are left feeling like we are somehow in a grey area that we just cant seem to fully get out of.
I think that you are doing what you can. Its about one step at a time. I wish I could give you a big hug.. because you surely deserve so many.
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Grief and Loss Community
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
