Aa
Untreated cirrhosis
My father (62 yrs old- lifelong alcoholic ) has Cirrhosis. He refuses to go to the doctor. I only know he has cirrhosis because he became disabled and had to I through a series if appointments. Last year he was hospitalized (june 2012) and then sent home with hospice care. The doctor told me at that time that he would have only weeks to live. He was released from hospice three months later. By October he started drinking again. I live 1500 miles away from him. I fear his condition is worsening. I call him several times per week and send care packages when needed. My father is extremely stubborn and will rarely admit to pain. He has massive muscle wasting, is malnourished, light headed and his feet, legs and stomach are swollen to the point that I had to send wider shoes and larger pants. He cannot walk but a few feet at at time breathless and light headed) and cannot make it to the bathroom in time with diarrhea . Of course he says he is fine. He does not admit to pain but I can hear it in his voice. When he was releases to hospice last year he weighed only 115 lbs (healthy weight for him was 160). He is back up to 140 now but I think it must be fluid weight as he rarely eats . I guess my question is: how can your body hold on to life in this condition?
Tonight as I set and try to collect my thoughts I find myself in a bittersweet moment. I have spent this evening, in its entirety with my father. I am to return home tomorrow. We have spent the evening talking of some fond memories. Corvettes, wonderful friends, family and how much life truly has meant to us. Through good and bad. Oddly enough he has not slept all evening until just a while ago. I sat with him holding my hand and these moments will forever be my treasures. We've discussed the need and want for him to return home with me. I could have hospice arranged if and when he wishes and he would be close enough to many other family members to visit with him. Tonight as he has consumed a complete bottle of blackberry brandy, he agrees to come with me. I do not pretend to assume that his decision will be the same tomorrow. Four days I have been here and four bottles of brandy. He can barely stand on his own because of all the complications and still..the brandy. He has quoted before "if you live by the sword, you will die by the sword". Ironically truth is one quality he has always kept in tact. I will begin my journey home, without him, I'm certain . I know it must seem unusual for some to understand how anything positive can come from a visit with a drunken soul but this was truly a wonderful evening. Surrounded by the stars and the subtle wind along with a touch of lightening, perfect for what he is capable of giving. Without the bitter, the sweet's not so sweet......
Thank you so very much to all who have had such encouraging words for me.
Thank you so very much to all who have had such encouraging words for me.
Yolanda my dear.
First I must praise you for the Love that you have for your dad.
You have a very beautiful Soul, full of compassion and free of judgement.
I also see a Wounded Child in you, heart broken and sad, justifiably so.
It is not the Challenge, it's not the Tragedy that matters so much in Life,
as it is our Response to it and the way we Process it, that has the Ultimate Significance.
Enjoy those few special moments & give him the understanding that you
Love him just the way he is, unconditionally. I gathered that you're already doing it anyways.
His Soul too is beautiful Soul - albeit somewhat shattered -, for we must see past the weakness of the persona with its stubborn constitution, past the symptoms of the failing body and dig deeper to realize his strong sense of independence and his Love that he could not express to the people close to him properly, held hostage by his addiction,but never being a fault of his own!
NOBODY consciously chooses addiction. It takes place at a level beyond the ability of our will and our intellect to change it.
We must be extremely forgiving and understanding when it comes to addiction.
And you Yolanda must also ensure that you forgive Yourself for anything that makes you feel guilty in this situation.
Living far away and not being there, not having done enough in the past and on and on.
It might be difficult to exempt yourself from any blame and guilt, so I urge you to consider some counselling when you return back home.
Check with your community support services, your church perhaps,for resources available, as you are a Co-dependent whether you realize this or not.
Coming to peace with this, will help you deal with his passing, when it
takes place in the future and also to help you accept his present situation, as we all know it is only a preparation for Eternal Life, where there is no pain & no suffering.
From my status in my profile box:
"Eternity is behind the transparent door of each moment.
Loving the beloved swings the door open.
Eternity enters pouring wine, no man who drinks can escape."
- Rumi.
Do enjoy the moment and make it last. Interesting Rumi mentions wine,
but a totally different kind than what we know! lol!
I've tasted that wine. It's ...Heavenly! and so true, I can't escape from it.
This goes deep. Another time perhaps.
God Bless You and Your Dad.
Niko
First I must praise you for the Love that you have for your dad.
You have a very beautiful Soul, full of compassion and free of judgement.
I also see a Wounded Child in you, heart broken and sad, justifiably so.
It is not the Challenge, it's not the Tragedy that matters so much in Life,
as it is our Response to it and the way we Process it, that has the Ultimate Significance.
Enjoy those few special moments & give him the understanding that you
Love him just the way he is, unconditionally. I gathered that you're already doing it anyways.
His Soul too is beautiful Soul - albeit somewhat shattered -, for we must see past the weakness of the persona with its stubborn constitution, past the symptoms of the failing body and dig deeper to realize his strong sense of independence and his Love that he could not express to the people close to him properly, held hostage by his addiction,but never being a fault of his own!
NOBODY consciously chooses addiction. It takes place at a level beyond the ability of our will and our intellect to change it.
We must be extremely forgiving and understanding when it comes to addiction.
And you Yolanda must also ensure that you forgive Yourself for anything that makes you feel guilty in this situation.
Living far away and not being there, not having done enough in the past and on and on.
It might be difficult to exempt yourself from any blame and guilt, so I urge you to consider some counselling when you return back home.
Check with your community support services, your church perhaps,for resources available, as you are a Co-dependent whether you realize this or not.
Coming to peace with this, will help you deal with his passing, when it
takes place in the future and also to help you accept his present situation, as we all know it is only a preparation for Eternal Life, where there is no pain & no suffering.
From my status in my profile box:
"Eternity is behind the transparent door of each moment.
Loving the beloved swings the door open.
Eternity enters pouring wine, no man who drinks can escape."
- Rumi.
Do enjoy the moment and make it last. Interesting Rumi mentions wine,
but a totally different kind than what we know! lol!
I've tasted that wine. It's ...Heavenly! and so true, I can't escape from it.
This goes deep. Another time perhaps.
God Bless You and Your Dad.
Niko
I have arrived to visits with my father. He tires so very quickly. He has bruises all over his arms and now on his chest. There is a large spot of purple veins on the top of his chest close to his arm. His chest looks a little "sunken in"... Very strange. He sits at the table with me but he looks exhausted . I haven't noticed him going to the restroom all day. He said he had diarrhea for a couple days but it has subsided. He worries if he knows I am worried so I try to notice instead of asking too many questions. His stomache looks like that of a 5-6 month pregnancy (he says that even this is less than what is was). His legs are swollen and his tie nails and feet startled me. The nails on his feet are every bit of an inch thick and curved like maybe a hawks would be. The skin on the bottom of his feet is cracked and peeling. When he noticed the look that must have been on my face, he quickly had me put his sock back on. He is stubborn as the day is long!! He still will not go to the doctor as he says there is nothing they can do. This leaves me in the same place...what can I do if he doesn't want help? I know I must respect his decisions and I will honor them. It is really difficult though. I must rerun home in a few days....not knowing if this will be the last time I have the privilege of his company.........
"...how can your body hold on to life in this condition?"
I think it has less to do with the body's actual capability to survive; and, has more to do with the life-loving, never-dying spirit within us... that keeps us going. I witnessed it during the last 6 years... as I watched my beautiful 84 year old mother battle; then succumb to Cancer.
My prayers are with you and your father.
I think it has less to do with the body's actual capability to survive; and, has more to do with the life-loving, never-dying spirit within us... that keeps us going. I witnessed it during the last 6 years... as I watched my beautiful 84 year old mother battle; then succumb to Cancer.
My prayers are with you and your father.
Hi Yolanda.
My heart goes out to both of you. It is a very difficult to watch your dad suffering like this and frustrated for not being able to do something to help bring about notable improvement in the quality of his life.
The heavy drinking paradox is something I studied in my psychology program, many years ago.
Heavy drinkers have a lower mortality rate compared to non-drinkers!
This is attributed to the fact that heavy drinkers have less life stressors
such as family, job and career, finances etc., even if heavy drinking is implicated with possible memory/cognitive, liver and other serious health
risks.
After a couple drinks the stress reducing effect kicks in, so with most alcoholics they tend to remain in this reduced stress state for longer periods of time, due to the chronic nature of their addiction.
Stress is one of the MOST underrated factors in health and longevity!
Moderate drinkers are the optimum group to belong to as they ENJOY
better health AND outlive their counterparts (non- drinkers and heavy drinkers) on the average.
Thank you for the question. It gave me the opportunity to re-visit this topic,
as it would be valuable (not the alcohol consumption, but the stress reduction aspect in regards to illness) in a wellness program I'll be working on in 2014.
I hope this helps, but please note that this is not intended as substitute
for medical advice, nor do I advocate the use of alcohol for stress reduction.
Wish you and you dad well.
Niko
My heart goes out to both of you. It is a very difficult to watch your dad suffering like this and frustrated for not being able to do something to help bring about notable improvement in the quality of his life.
The heavy drinking paradox is something I studied in my psychology program, many years ago.
Heavy drinkers have a lower mortality rate compared to non-drinkers!
This is attributed to the fact that heavy drinkers have less life stressors
such as family, job and career, finances etc., even if heavy drinking is implicated with possible memory/cognitive, liver and other serious health
risks.
After a couple drinks the stress reducing effect kicks in, so with most alcoholics they tend to remain in this reduced stress state for longer periods of time, due to the chronic nature of their addiction.
Stress is one of the MOST underrated factors in health and longevity!
Moderate drinkers are the optimum group to belong to as they ENJOY
better health AND outlive their counterparts (non- drinkers and heavy drinkers) on the average.
Thank you for the question. It gave me the opportunity to re-visit this topic,
as it would be valuable (not the alcohol consumption, but the stress reduction aspect in regards to illness) in a wellness program I'll be working on in 2014.
I hope this helps, but please note that this is not intended as substitute
for medical advice, nor do I advocate the use of alcohol for stress reduction.
Wish you and you dad well.
Niko
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