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146866 tn?1199599344
Upset at relatives
My uncle was told early last year that he needed to have angioplasty as one of his arteries was 70% blocked. He had a phobia of surgeries and so was delaying having it done. My aunt and cousin were very relaxed about it and didn't do much to encourage him to have the surgery (or tell the rest of us that he needed it). He had a heart attack in January and died. The doctor said that this could have been avoided had he had the surgery. I really miss my unclue and cannot help but feel that my aunt and cousin are partially to blame for not doing more to encourage him (or enlist the rest of us) to have the surgery.
I know they are grieving but I feel like telling them that they wouldn't be grieving if they had done a little more to help him.
The only thing worse than death is an avoidable death.
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186166 tn?1385262982
i'm sorry about your uncle but sometimes things aren't as they seem.  is it possible because of your uncle's fear of surgery that he could not be talked into it.  your aunt and cousin may have done and said more than you know about.
in my post below, i told of my dad's death FROM heart surgery.  either way, we are all grieving for a loved one.  i hope that you can find peace soon...

Kim
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Lizzie Lou is right. Just know that your aunt and cousin are probably kicking themselves over this right now and they may have tried to do everything in their power to convince your uncle to have surgery. They were put in a tough position and just remember that it was your uncle who refused to have surgery.

I also hope you find peace soon. I know how difficult these situations can be.

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It sounds like you think if they had nagged him more then he would have had the angio, but you don't know that. Men often stubbornly refuse to go to the doctor and put off medical treatments no matter what their wives or kids say. Besides, the angio might not have worked at all or could have had complications that could have killed him too. I think you are angry and hurt he is gone and they are alive so your anger goes to them but really you are mad at death, mad at the loss you feel and they are in your headlights. They are your SURVIVING relatives, if you let this alienate you from them, then you lose even more.

Allow yourself some time to be mad about it but in order to blame them you'd have to first accept that HE is the one who put it off, HE is the one that ran his own life and made his own decisions and it ended up this way. It isn't their fault he didn't get the surgery, it was his and he paid the ultimate price for that decision.
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