Will This Pain Ever Get Better?

On July 29, 2012, the love of my life committed suicide after falling into a deep depression.  It has been 25 painful days and the emptiness I feel seems to be getting worse.  She was my everything, my reason for breathing, my soulmate.  I loved her completely for 7 years and I feel that I will mourn her for the rest of my life.  I am only 31 and have accepted the fact that I will never love again. I don't want to love again. She was the person I wanted to experience life with, grow old with, die with and now all of that seems like a nightmare.  What I would give to hold her even if it was just for a minute. I have thought of all the things I would say to her, if there was anything I could say to change her mind, if I only pleaded with her to put down the gun. I feel like my soul is suffocating under the weight of this pain and I have no strength to fight it. Does this grief ever let up? One can only hope, but I don't know how much more I can take. I MISS YOU MISSY!

[mammo]

Hi....I am deeply sorry for your loss, so tragic.  Right now you have to go through all the emotions, crying, anger, and the "whys".   Having endured many losses I can tell you that it will get easier, I'm not sure how, just that it does.  Always remember that she loved you too and would want you to eventually live a happy life. Now is not the time to be thinking about whether you will love again, you're in mourning which is not a time to make decisions or put that pressure on yourself.  One thing that helped me immensely and has been proven to be very therapeutic is to journal your feelings about Missy, and write letters to her.  Putting your feelings and emotions on paper is a form of release for us.  You can keep what you write or toss it away, that's up to you.  If you keep your letters there will be days when re-reading them you will cry, other days you will smile while remembering the good times the two of you shared.  Life feels so unfair at times and often leaves us with many unanswered questions, but we have to go on.  Missy had to be struggling badly to have taken her own life, now she at peace and I hope you can find some comfort in this.  Go for walks, you will cry, but it will help you.  It's a time to just be alone with your thoughts.  I can promise you that it will get easier...I've been where you are and just wanted to go with my loved one, but that's never the answer.  Be patient with yourself, and go through all the emotions.  My heart goes out to you and just take it one day at a time.

[lboogie7729]

There is nothing I could say to express how deeply sorry I am for your loss. Have you been able to talk to a professional since this happened? I would definitely recommend getting into grief counseling. My friend became a chair person for the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention, because she too lost her love. They have resources available for family members and loved ones going through what you are experiencing. Please look them up online and see if you can find some support, because you really do need it right now. I'm sorry I can not be of more help, but my heart goes out to you.

[TTinKKerBBell]

lboogie7729 gave excellent advice, I hope You will pursue Her suggestion.  You will ALWAYS grieve Your loss but right now You are freshly wounded!! 25 days is not enough time for You to work through grief.  You need Support now, and it still it will take a long time for You to reach some mode of "acceptance" for what has happened.  Help and Support from People who have Experienced loss under these circumstances are there to Help You and even to be Helped ThemSelves by You.  That's what support is - People in like circumstances - the kind of Support They offer is Deep and Meaningful for You and  for Them as well.
I am SO sorry You are on this journey.
Regards,
Tink

[mammo]

Hi....I am deeply sorry for your loss, so tragic.  Right now you have to go through all the emotions, crying, anger, and the "whys".   Having endured many losses I can tell you that it will get easier, I'm not sure how, just that it does.  Always remember that she loved you too and would want you to eventually live a happy life. Now is not the time to be thinking about whether you will love again, you're in mourning which is not a time to make decisions or put that pressure on yourself.  One thing that helped me immensely and has been proven to be very therapeutic is to journal your feelings about Missy, and write letters to her.  Putting your feelings and emotions on paper is a form of release for us.  You can keep what you write or toss it away, that's up to you.  If you keep your letters there will be days when re-reading them you will cry, other days you will smile while remembering the good times the two of you shared.  Life feels so unfair at times and often leaves us with many unanswered questions, but we have to go on.  Missy had to be struggling badly to have taken her own life, now she at peace and I hope you can find some comfort in this.  Go for walks, you will cry, but it will help you.  It's a time to just be alone with your thoughts.  I can promise you that it will get easier...I've been where you are and just wanted to go with my loved one, but that's never the answer.  Be patient with yourself, and go through all the emotions.  My heart goes out to you and just take it one day at a time.

[lisaob1]

i cant begin to imagine how your feeling..an i am so so sorry for your loss with all my heart,i dont even know what to say to you,but other than know that people on here care and your not alone..i wish i knew u coz i would hug youtilll u couldnt escape..god bless u huni..keep postin.ppl on here will be here for u more than anything... that i do know...god bless ye xxx