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dealing with grief
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dealing with grief

its took me so long,i mean so long to cope and deal with the loss of my daughter..she was 4 when i lost her in 1996,its hard to believe it was so long ago...i never thought i would feel ok at one point..but now,i want to say to others who feel at a loss...keep strong..its ok to move on...i wish i done it years ago,but im here now...please,to everyone...loss is so so fricken hard..but its not the end of your life,it is the end of the one you love and cherish..but it happens to us all...life is for living...your loved ones would most definitley want you to be happy...life is too short...do whatever it takes..dont try to find ways to make it better...just be better....live life be happy xxx
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Avatar_f_tn
I lost my son in '99 and my grandson in 2008, and while life does go on, there will forever be a void in my life and heart.  I'll never know the happiness I did before my losses, it hasn't debilitated me but there are always two empty places during the holidays and many other reminders of what once was.  People who meet me would never guess the pain I feel inside as I put on a good front, and many call me "happy go lucky", I'm very private about my pain, and losses, so except for close friends nobody would even have a clue, but inside I'm a mere shell of who I once was.  
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i with all my heart know your heartache..my daughter now has the same rare complications as the daughter i lost..everymorning or many times through the night i go in her bedroom just to nudge her..she is almost 18 tho...in fact tomorrow we have an appointment to discuss her having a mask to help her breathe while she sleeps..she has sleep apnoea..,i lost my daughter almost 16 yrs ago..i wouldnt wish the loss of child on anybody.....it still hurts so much.....i truely know how you feel....xxx
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I'm so sorry for your loss and what you and your daughter are enduring now.  I have lost so many people and losing a child and  grandson are by far the worst loss one can endure....a million times worse than a parent can imagine.
Take care.
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hi mammo..i have spoke to you many times before and i have the utmost respect for you...your kind,caring and quite special with your loving advice  you give to people...all you too have gone through..thanking  you so much for just being there...with love lisa xxx
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I remember you as well and thank you so much for your kind words.  Big hugs......
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thanks hun..means more than you think..big hugs right bk at ye xx
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I will not say I know how you feel. I lost a son to non-hodgkins lymphoma on the 31st of january, 1998. sometimes it seems like so long ago and then at other times it seems like just yesterday. He battled the cancer for 9 years. he was diagnosed at age of 8 and died at 17 y/o. This sept 10, he would have been 32.

No one can truly understand the emptiness a mother feels at the loss of a child. I believe the word I am looking for is "empathy". I know the pain I had and still have. By my experience with grief, my heart goes out to anyone that's lost a loved one, esp. a child. There's a void there that nothing can or ever will be able to fill. so glad I came across this site tonight. thanks for allowing me to express my feelings.   Madlyn
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hi madlyn..its so hard to put into words,.im so so sorry for your loss hun...there is an emptiness and a void which i think any mother that loses a child just has to learn to live with as i dont think we can get over it...but we can move on and help others..its took me such a long time...as u said to me..you cant say you know how i feel..i too cant imagine how you feel either..its heartbreaking..but also..this site has helped me and i hope you keep posting....and keep expressing how u feel..your an inspiration hun..i hope u realise that..with best wishes lisa x
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I am so sorry for your loss.  There is no greater loss than that of our child and nothing is ever right with the world again.  I totally agree with you, there is a void inside that cannot be filled, an emptiness that serves as a constant reminder of who we are missing.  Big hugs...we're always here for you.
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Avatar_m_tn
As the mother of three children I cannot begin to imagine the heartache and loss.  I know that with the loss of other family members, it changes you somewhat.  I think that when you lose someone that you loved with all your heart there is a part of you  that goes with them and never returns.  You learn to go forward as a different you.  To have that be compounded by the loss being a child is simpy unfathomable to me.  So very very sorry!
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I too lost my Son.  All our lives we hear that "time heals all wounds" and I do agree on all OTHER aspects - but NOT the loss of my Son.  It's been 4 years and 7 months since my Son died and it doesn't get easier, fact is - it gets harder.  I've come to realize that the "loss" of a Child does not "fade" with time, the loss GROWS with time.  Each year I cannot fathom that it's been another year that He's gone.  I've lost other Family members in which the grief felt unbearable at the time but the pain eventually faded - but NOT THIS!!  THIS IS DIFFERENT!!  Our Children truely are part of us, we GROW Them within us, we Deliver Them, They're not like anyone else - They are a PIECE of us.  The only thing harder would be to lose more than one Child, and/or GrandChildren.  My heart is touched for all of You who have lost a Child and You Mammo for Your GrandChild as well.


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i..with all my heart truely believe everything u have said in your post..i still figtht every single day to get through it without my little girl..and also although i am a total stranger to you..i know that i understand more than any person you know,even those closest to you,know how your feeling more than anyone...i wont lie to you..i have battled and battled..and your right..the hurt doesnt fade with time..and i honestly dont know what to say to you without sounding cliche either..all i can tell you is my own experience..every person is different... its been almost 16 yrs since i lost my 4 yr old daughter..i always had a plan for life when i was young..as everybody does...never thought for one minute my life would turn out the way it did...my daughter now has the same genetic syndrome..she is 18 and amazing..she beautiful inside and out and im so proud of her..she was just 2 when her eldest sister passed...enough about that though..right now anyway...But god hun..i know your pain and what your going through...i was young and stubborn..i was 22 when i lost my eldest..i never excepted help off anyone..prob still dont.i just talk a lot...but your right..the pain does grow..it grew an consumed me..it never leaves you..23 aug i lost my baby 16 yrs ago and i cant remember a few weeks ago but i remember everything around the time she left me....sorry to be so abrupt..but you need to get the anger out..i can feel it in your post..its not time is a healer..although time just helps you for forget..not the person..the times...my regret is that i didnt accept help...i thought i was the only person going through such a horrific time..what i didnt ever realise was the people who loved me where seeing me....go through a horrific time....im so sorry if i have gone on and for such a long post...in my heart i truely wish you all the very best xxx
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Avatar_f_tn
Hi lisaob1,
Of course You understand what I expressed - You are a Mother too!! Those close to me are very Sensitive, Caring to my feeling of loss - it's just that the loss isn't the SAME for others - hense my emphasis about Growing and Delivering our Babies - in the sense that They are a PIECE of us.  Actually, my Loved Ones give much Understanding to the "Mother" part, but my Son was a loss to Them also.  He was a Son to His Dad, He was a Brother to 2 other Siblings, He was a GrandSon, an Uncle, a Cousin.  SO - the loss is huge for EVERYONE - but I had a "different" role in His life, He had a "different" role in mine, as in  - Growing Him inside my body, giving Him Life and Nuturing Him as Mothers do.  I didn't feel You were being abrupt in Your answer to me but I do feel You're mistaken to sense anger - because of my capital words? if so, my caps aren't in - I use caps to empahasize my words.

Thank You for acknowledging my post,
and I'm sorry for Your loss, too
and I'm glad to know You have another Beautiful Daughter,  (I have 2 other Children as well, and I have 6 GrandChildren, so my Life is Good even as I still feel the Loss of my Son)
and in my Heart I Truely Wish You All The Best, Too.
Regards,
Tink
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hi tink..reading over  your post again..ye! it was those CAP words..they scared me lol x just trying to lighten the mood hun... but your right,as a mum,and only a mum feels that pain and only a mum knows the true meaning of the word heartbroken. i know that our friends and family and all closest to us feel the loss..i truely do,it is so hard for them also.. but what i meant was,it eventually leaves them..that pain and hurt,they dont get over it but they deal with it so so so much more than me,you..than a mother does!  but then what i found..my daughter left me 16 yrs ago next week..what i found was..all those who love me and care for me then began to worry about me..and they still do..you seem like you have such a loving family,i really do to...i love my friends and family,i feel quite lucky..but it took me such a long time to deal with losing my daughter..its still hard..i dont know how they put up with me to be honest lol..x but they there and helped me get through..just like  you will with the help of those around you...x pardon the french...its fricken ****..beyond belief..way beyond belief..but we not alone..keep strong huni...in my thoughts and prayers xxx
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You are SO sweet!! and You will remain in my Thoughts and Prayers, too.

You are right that we are not alone - there are other Mothers who have lost Children and THEY are the ones who REALLY get it.  For the Mothers it's not "understanding" the pain, the loss - it's "KNOWING" the pain, the loss.

(sorry I scared You with my caps - but You gave me a laugh when You said that)

Sincerely,
Tink
  
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my daughter left me 16 yrs ago this wk on the 23rd august...she was almost 4 and i can believe its been that long...where did them years go..?  
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You know, it's those YEARS slipping by that is part of the pain.  It's been 4 years, going on 5 for me - but each YEAR that passes, the hole in my Heart grows.  I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S BEEN 4 YEARS!!   This I know is true cuz I FEEL it grow each year, 1,2,3,4 years and I know 5 will magnify this once again..  And then You talk about 16 years for You and Your little Girl -and it shows me that I was right about this.  While initially I (we) couldn't take a breath - my grief was so great I couldn't breathe - yet at the same time I didn't "believe" it.  I thought "This ISN'T true, this CAN'T be true, so, why can't I breathe around this Pain in my Heart?"  Well, in that sense, the shock is gone, cuz now I know it IS true -  but on the other hand, the LOSS doesn't get "easier" with each passing year - in a BIG way it gets harder.  I'm okay - I've come to "accept" it  Intellectually and I can breathe now , but Emotionally the "loss" grows every year.
Your friend,
LeeAnn
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I'm thinking of You today and Your "forever" Child.

She's Your Forever Child because She will FOREVER live in Your Heart

LeeAnn
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hi leeann...thankyou so much for remembering an thankyou for you well wishes..means so much ye know...she is forever in my heart and my soul....today has been hard even after all these years..she my angel..an i miss her just as much now as the day i lost her..xxx how are you hun xxx
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i haven't checked on MH for a while. for some reason I do not show any responses when i check my MH. i was allowing this to deepen my depression. simply decidied to not check anymore. somehow i came across this site and read responses. i have experienced over a week of depression that i thought i would never erupt from. im here but still down. my son would have been 32 this past 9-10-80. doesn't seem like 1-31-98 was 14 years since his passing. guess its so hard for me because i watch as he fought that awful monster and never complained and was angry at God. He was a blessing and touched many during the journey, even his doctors. thanks to all of you that offer suppor to others. May God richly bless eac of you.   ~Madlyn~ (mommy52)

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I haven't posted in a while and have just been reading many comments here
My daughter passed away in my arms on 12 august 12,Its all so raw.your posts are very supportive to those who are now walking this journey.
an insite to grief from a mothers point of view can only help those who know this is the worst pain you can ever carry.
Kaz
Im sorry for all of you.It's just so sad.
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It Just takes a moment of reflection to relive something so painful for all..To realise silence can be a deadly   weapon to those just reaching out for understanding,Ive reached out on this board for such a long time,and have been ignored I understand I  will survive even through my loss of a child....but many wont who come here,We often don't have the right words or the gift that everything ok.. just a gift to say we can help those in pain is what really mattrers
I am in such a dark place and to be ignored reinforces that alone, frightened and does anyone care feeling?No one has to really care,just let someone know their pain matters,I see everyones posts and they are heartfelt,but we can reach out to the broken and the suffering to simply say''I hear you'' and I can't help you,but Im here ''And thats what makes the difference...It hurts to cry out and be ignored and I have been from my first post...mammo answered my first post and that gave me hope.and when I posted 10 oct I felt broken and just needed someone to say it;s 'ok I can hear you''.
So guys please just reach out cause sometimes you make the difference.
Many hopes to all who are suffering.
KAZ
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hi kaz,im so sorry,i didnt ignore you and i dont think others mean to either..its just the way some posts are written and who can see them and where they go to as i just come across yours by looking through my info..it wasnt there for me to see..or i promise i would of replied...
im so so sorry hun,im sorry for the loss of your daughter,i truely know how you feel.i too lost my daughter and she passed holding her in my arms also.. my daughter was almost 4 yrs old..the day i lost her was the day my heart broke...my heart will never mend,it can be put back to pieces in the same way a broken vase can be glued back together...it will never fully mend...  i can hear you kaz..thinking of you
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I think all of us who have lost a child share a special bond and can certainly empathize with others.  I feel that for many, just the idea of losing a child is so over-whelming that they just don't know what to say to the person who has lost one.  It's not their fault, and as I have said often...when a mother loses a child she suffers alone, for there are no words of comfort for this enormous and sad loss that only we truly understand.  Hugs to all mothers who have lost a child.
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Avatar_m_tn
As a mother of three children the pain and loss you must feel...I am so very sorry.  My heart goes out to all of you.  I cannot begin to imagine and send hugs to all of you for the loss that you've experienced.
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Avatar_m_tn
Oh that breaks my heart.  I am so incredibly sorry!
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