dear mom

Dear mom, It has been 5 years since your death due to drinking. Cerosis of the liver. There are days where I wish you were still here because even tho I'm 27 years old, I still need my mommy! Guess what mom, I'm pregnant with your 2nd grandchild! 10 weeks today! Its been 5 years since I healed your hand while you took your last breath after spending 4 sleepless nights with you in icu. Spoon feeding you because you couldn't feed yourself. And the worst, having to keep telling you who I was. The booze poisoned your body so much that everything shut down. Everything. You were in so much pain and it hurt to see the woman who gave me life ending her own to an addition she couldn't control. You drank all day everyday. Other than the hospital, I don't remember you ever drinking water... always gin.. no ice, no mixers.. just straight.. maybe a beer or two when the gin ran out.. I've had 5 years to forgive you of a lifetime of hurt you put me thru. When your drinking became more important than you daughter. The days I sent myself to school in dirty clothes and no food because you forgot. Its so hard to forget that.. but mom, I'm finally ready to forgive you. I'm still hurt and a part of me is still angry and bitter. But I forgive you. In fact I have to thank you. Because of your drinking, I'm now the mom you were not able to be to me. I love you mom and these words I write to you is hard. But I can't hold it in anymore. I wish I could see you once more. To smell your smell. Hear you laugh and feel your hugs. You died much too young. And before you died, you told me 'dont be mad at me baby, it was fun, I love you'.. ... I love you mom. Your daughter, Emma.

[ksanden]

our stories are similar. my mother was an alcoholic growing up she become sober after her second grandchild was born i had 5 sober wonderful years up until she was diagnosed with cancer and died 3 months after. its been a little over 9 months since her death. its been so hard. i lost my best friend. i to felt that anger but when she sobered up it was like a second chance i had my mother back and then taken to soon. i am 27 years old mother to 3. your story breaks my heart, i hope this letter you wrote brings you to peace. if you would ever like to chat or anything feel free to email me. i am sorry for you loss and congrats to the pregnancy i no your mother is proud of you and more than anything still watching over you..