I was always agnostic before this tragedy, because how could anyone ever know the unknowable. Strangely, i now ossilate between agnostic, atheist, and full on believer in something. I don't know exactly what that something is though. It's obvious that there is a higher power out there, in that we see hurricanes, tornadoes, meteors etc. I just can't grasp whether that power is benevolent or not. I want so badly to believe it is, to find reason and meaning in everything. I hope if GOD is benevolent............that he/she can show me the way somehow.
If you look around you as you ask these questions of life you will see small miracles unfold before your eyes~you just have to stop and look and acknowledge them as they happen. They have to come from someone who is more powerful than us and who loves us enough to show them to us. Ask for a sign...he will give you one. Be specific when you ask you'd be amazed. I think it is all a growing experience that we go through asking, wondering and then finding the answer in the lest likely place's. Thats what makes me believe there is a God who else would bother to show me the silly things I ask for? Who else would love me even when I don't. Tragedy is what brings you closer to God at least it does for me. When I lost my daughter God walk right up to me and told me it would be ok...thru a preacher in a small town in a really small Church but the message was loud and clear. I was Loved. Amazing.
After many losses in my family (which my faith got me thru) I then lost my son who suffered worse than any hell could be, but he fought every day for just one more day with his 2 little boys, and for those of us who loved him dearly. He died at 31 leaving his 6 and 9 year old little boys. We have a genetic colon cancer in our family. When his son was 10, only one year after losing his dad, not even enough times to come to terms with this and all the suffering he saw with his dad, he was diagnosed with the same disease. His suffering was even far worse than his dad's and most of us will never know this kind of pain, suffering and fear. I lost my grandson 6 months ago at 18. Were my prayers answered "NO!" Do I feel they are in a better place "NO", because to be with this thing we call God is where they are, it would not be a better place. He gave them hell on earth! I'm not just a heart broken mother and grandma, I speak from all I've seen and learned by returning to church and all the Pastors cannot even answer any questions. Most scientists do not believe in a God, and there is so much to back them up on this. I've been trying so hard to get my faith back, being so involved in church, it isn't happening, only giving me more questions. I've had people tell me that first it was my son that was put on a prayer line for many to pray for him, then my grandson. I thanked them and was hopeful, but this questioned lingered and still does. Why would/should hundreds of prayers mean more than the one frail, elderly person alone in their bedroom praying for help? Or the small, cold, and hungry child, looking up and asking for food and warmth, only to find the next day brings the same? They've been taught that God will never abandon them, so why are they hungry, cold, neglected, and abused? The child beaten so badly and prays for God to make their parent stop, but it never ends? I hope you find your faith again if it can give you the peace of mind you need. It just isn't happening for me.
Your confusion is your soul, which belong to the creater,searching for Him. There is something inside of our soul that can only be satisfied when we seek God. God has directed you to this website for a reason and that you are guided here by the Holy Spirit. God understands our pain, doubts, angers and weaknesses, but the Almighty wants you to talk to Him, the way you are talking to us by simply being yourself. He wants to comfort you, to listen to you, to guide you and most of all strenghten you during your journey in life. He want you to pray to him. Here is one of my favorite prayers that I recite at night. That is when I soul search and question and search for Him. This is a very powerful prayer called "The Miracle Prayer" - " Lord Jesus, I come before you just as I am. I am sorry for my sins, I repent of my sins, please forgive me. In your name I forgive all others for what they have done against me. I renounce Satan, the evil spirits and all there works. I give you my entire self Lord Jesus, now and forever, I invite you into my life Jesus, I accept you as my Lord, God and Savior. Heal me, change me, strenghten me, in body, soul and spirit. Come Lord Jesus, cover me with your precious blood, and fill me with your Holy Spirit. I love you Jesus, I praise you Jesus, I thank you Jesus, I shall follow you every day of my life, Amen.
Recite this prayer and something good will happen to you....Judy
Also, how beautiful a rainbow appears after a storm when the sky is still black...God's promise that He will never destroy the earth by water. The wind, we can't see it, yet we can feel it. The sun, moon, stars, green tree's, streams of water, water...crystal clear and we can't live without it. The miracle of birth and devistation of death. God exist and that is why I consider myself His servant in my own way. I am just a simple nobody who has suffered more than any human should have to and yes, I have been angry with God and questioned, "why, why did my mother have to die suffocated in my arms, by did I have 7 deaths in 6 months, loss my job, relationship ended, my beautiful dog died...why so much suffering...and yet, I Love God with my heart, my soul, my being.
I would rather die in his grace, than be dying and realize that their is a God. I just can't imagine not beliving and having faith in God and realizing at my death bed that i will be standing before Him and will be judged on how I lived my life. I will be held accountable for all my actions.
I have looked at death in the face at it took my mother's last breath...I saw death, yet, when I walked out of the room after she died, I felt the most amazing peace and love that only God could have graced me with at the moment.
I hope you come to some understanding that God is real and he loves you and want you, free will.
I have no peace. I experience peace for only a brief moment, but I have accepted my suffering. Earth to me is hell and I have suffered all my life with childhood illnesses, broken relationships, deaths, loss of jobs....I take it as I am being tested, but I feel the pain, grief, sorrow, sadness, yet hopeful. I still hold on to my faith. God is my strenght and one day, I will suffer no more and I hope I will have proved myself to Him, worthy of his acceptance and forgiveness. I want Him to look at me and say, Good job and endurance.
Death is simply a shedding of the physical body like the butterfly shedding its cocoon.It is a transition to a higher state of consciousness where you continue to perceive,to understand,to laugh,and to be able to grow. When a caterpillar dies, a butterfly is born.Also read the poem,one of my favorites.I am There,I posted it awhile ago.It explains God in a way I never can.Healthy healing to you,because you deserve to be the you,that you were before this loss.
God Bless you,Jen
According to eastern wisdom traditions , not knowing the true nature of reality we suffer . Nothing is ever lost my brother , those we loved and lost here , we will meet up with them up there . Life is like a flash for them as there is no time in the spiritual world . Search "burden of proof" on YOUTUBE , excellent series of lectures by Deepak Chopra on his new book on life after death . The reality we perceive and the real nature of reality differs vastly . Go deep into the study of near death experiences , we don't need to die to find out the truth . As you become more aware of who we are , you will feel his presence , I am going to add you , share .. thats what friends are for...God bless and may you find peace , Om Shanti , Om Shanti , Om Shanti....Peace , Love always ....
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