history of loss, isolated and old

I turned 70 this year, have noticed all winter constant fear at every sympom, less energy than before. For the past 4 years, I have wanted to move to a place I love, but always something has prevented this; now it is the housing market decline (I must sell my house here first to buy another). My parents died in their 60s, one of cancer and one of a heart attack, before the difficulties between us had been worked out. I have two grown children but they do not live nearby and, for various reasons, I cannot lean on them should I need to. My brother is an extreme self-centered workaholic, useless in any emergency. I have a few good friends, but they live all over the country. My ex-partner has been dead for years now. I live alone and am extremely noise-reactive and find unendurable being in a place where television/radio/DVD/etc. sound comes through my walls---making a stay in any sort of nursing homes (or many hospitals, not to mention most so-called "independent" or "assisted"-living centers) torturous, and I sometimes get impatient too easily with ignorance among staff or doctors in these places (and try to hide this but they tend to sense it). And so I am in constant fear of what will happen if I get cancer, a stroke, or other disease requiring longterm treatment. Today I have a new symptom; my doctor here once objected to my asking for a test, so I fear to ask for the test I obviously need, one which might, should this be cancer or precancerous, save my life; how do I make myself ask him for this test? How do I deal with the constant recognition that there is not enough help if I get seriously ill (and it is nearing the time when I must)? With the end of my life? Are there others here who share my fears---and are not out to convert one to a religion?

[Judy246]

We have all suffered devistating losses. My mother died July 19th and she was 70. I would give my very life to bring her back and she did die in my arms. Not only did I lose my mother, but I had 7 funerals within a 6 month period including my brother losing a child two week before Christmas. No one here is trying to convert or change anyone to any religion, but when suffering such a hugh loss, it brought me to my knees and if were not my faith and belief in God, I would not have survived 7 deaths with 6 months. I had a funeral just about every week.

I'm very proud to be a Christian and I'm not preaching, just as yourself, speaking what I feel (Amen!).

It's very important that you speak with your children. You carried them 9 month and gave them life...in other words...they owe you!  Children are a gift from God and are a blessing when we get old.  One of there rolls in life is to make sure there parents are well taken care of when they age. It's very sad that it is not the case in so many families.

If you not able to aford a caretaker to assist you then please speak with your children and ask them for help.

I'm took care of my mother all the way up to her very last breath and I thank God that he blessed me with responsibility. I now have my 84 yrs. father who is doing great and I know the time will come when he will need to be taken care of, and I promised my mother in her death bed that it was ok to go in peace and not to worry about dad. I told her, "I will take care of him the way I took care of you".  

My family is blessed and I thank God for that. I belive have faith and trust in Him and He has taken care of my parents who were married 54 yrs.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.  Judy

[polly22]

Thank you so much for your understanding and kind post. You have indeed been a blessing to your mother and, I am sure, to your brother in his sorrow, and will be to your father.  I'm sure my children would want to help me when I need it, but my older child was raised by another mother and my younger child is disabled, not has either any money to help pay should I need assistance.  But fortunately I am not yet, I hope, to the point of needing assistance; only I know I shall be, within a few years or even months.     I too do not wish to change your relation and I respect you for your practice and belief; above all, I respect you for your loving care for your parents and those around you.

[Judy246]

Thank you so much for your beautiful response and it breaks my heart to hear of your fears. You are my mother's age when she passed and there are no words to express the pain, grief and sorrow that I feel not having her and I do wish so much that you will be taken good care of, the way you deserve to be taken care of by your children.

I would never, ever, wanted my mother to feel concern about aging, because she knew I was there and I wish the very same for you.  I have my family, but it has been God who gave me the strenght to survive losing mom (not preaching) and keep me strong to help my 84 yr. old father who is doing pretty good right now, but it has been a journey.

You are still young at heart and while you are young at heart, don't let those fears paralize you and start working out a plan, while you can for the "what if's" without thoughts paralizing you. Please keep us posted on how you are doing and we are all her for you, especially me who doesn't loss her mom your age and always welcome your advise.  Judy