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how do I not blow up at my mom
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how do I not blow up at my mom

I know I may sound "childish" I am 39 and lost my dad Jan 12 2010. he had been sick for at lest 6 years, and lost his battle, I know he isn't suffering anymore, Thank the Lord. my mom stayed with my brother and his wife for the first week after he passed. the following week she was talking about how she needs to sell the house. it is too much for her to take care of and my sister in law said if she could get it on the market by such and such a date then it most likely will sell because of the rebate first time homeowners get. trading in her truck for a car and so on. dad hasn't even been dead for 3 months at that point and moms making statements like oh when I was at your sisters house (my brother and sister live 1 1/2 hours away and I only 20 minutes) and when I was at your sisters she introduced me to a male friend of hers and he was drop dead gorgeous. but why would a guy look at me and I wouldn't know what to do on a date  I can't believe this is gong on. how can I keep from blowing up at my mom and telling her what I think my dad would just tell me to let it go. I can't I can't help thinking that she didn't care, i know she did to a point.
I miss my dad. at first it seemed like he was just in the hospital or getting therapy in the nursing home. he was only 63. it is hitting me more and more that he is gone and now we have to go through and bury him as we can't in the winter.
I also have a lot of resentment towards my mom for the way my dad was cared for towards the last 6 months.
help I haven't told anyone the last sentence. time for myself isn't going to happen as I have 4 kids and 2 were just in the hospital and I have my own medical issues.
This is just too much what my mom is doing. and she is going through stuff and just throwing it away blaming dad for everything that went wrong with the house.everything negative that has happened she is blaming my dad as she always has but this is more
I just need to know if I should bite my tongue or not if so how much longer for ever.
Thank you
Michelle
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Some people that have been married a long time  and lose their mate do different things. All forms of grief. Some get angry for their spouse leaving them behind. Some get married within a short time of their loved one passing, needing the comfort of another person next to them.
Have you, your brother and your mother gone for grief counselling? Churches are a good place to start looking.
No, don't yell at her. Have patients and kindness for her. She cared for six long years while she watched the man she loved, die. You cannot know that feeling. I know you are grieving as his daughter and hearing your mother speak this way must be very  hard for you. But please, hold your tongue and  get to a grief class.
zzzmykids
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686059_tn?1293837427
My deepest condolences on the recent passing of your dad. The loss of a parent is a painful, life changing even. I loss my mother and would give my very life to hear her gripe, complain, nag, and make me crazy, but that's just me. I have my 85 yr. old father, whom I never really had a strong relationship with and I when he nags me or treats me like he treated mom, I just completely see it as insignificant. Life is too short for us to find fault with other's behavior, I say, bite your tongue, because one day you will be in my shoes without a mother and it will seem insignificant.

"God exhorts us to honor father and mother. He values honoring parents enough to include it in the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:12) and again in the New Testament: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth” (Ephesians 6:1-3). Honoring parents is the only command in Scripture that promises long life as a reward. Those who honor their parents are blessed (Jeremiah 35:18-19). In contrast, those with a “depraved mind” and those who exhibit ungodliness in t
he last days are characterized by disobedience to parents (Romans 1:30; 2 Timothy 3:2)."

Also, difficult days ahead with the grief process, but forgive your mom for he short comings. If you want to find the right time to discuss your concerns and issues with her, you will get better results and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...Judy


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686059_tn?1293837427
My apology, I meant,"Life is too short for us to find fault with other's, especiall your mom's behavior, I suggest to "bite your tongue", because one day you will be in my shoes (I had 7 deaths in an 8 month period including mom dying in my arms and loss a baby 2 weeks before Christmas  5 months later) without your mother and everything that is being said right now will seem insignificant."
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I completely agree with what the others have said, and am very sorry for your loss.  Your mother is dealing with the loss of her husband in her own way, maybe pretending like it didn't happen and trying to move on with her life.  I'm sure she is in a lot of pain right now, as you are.  I believe your dad would have wanted her to move on and be happy as well as all of you.  This is a time for all of you to pull together, because I think when reality hits your mom, it will devestate her.  You will miss you mom one day, and you don't want to have any regrets, or words left unsaid.  Know that she is in pain and, and suffering more than you may know.  Life is too short for anger and bitterness, embrace who you have because life is fleeting.  Take care...
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I understand your feelings.  After my son's murder on March 6: shot to death by his father, my ex husband, I thought the hardest thing would be to accept this horrific tragedy and regain my composure.  I am 74 and a survivor of anal cancer; retired librarian.  I have  three other adult children and significant or not so significant others to deal with now.

The only way I can cope with this phase is to hang on to who my dead son was: his wishes were known to me, as they were to his youngest brother, who is having a hard time dealing with the pushiness of his brother's ex-fiancee.  He is the sole beneficiary of Brooks' will.  A fact well known.....except perhaps to his ex-fiancee.

I am startled by what is going on, but realize that each person who mourns Brooks is dealing with death in his or her own way.  It is apparent to me that I cannot get sucked into conversations with the ex-fiancee.  

If what your mom is saying is hurtful, I believe you may need to say something.  It can be an expression of acceptance combined with a request for understanding of your feelings.

I wish you the best.  It will get easier with time.  In my case the troubling phone calls are already beginning to stop.  Keep you dad close: none of this stuff matters in the long run.
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