how long does it take a child to accept that theit loved one has died?

[sashmore1978]

My boyfriend of 12 years killed himself in our home1 1/2 years ago. Our daughter is I ust now having many behavioral issues.  She can't be alone at all. She doesnt want to go to shool. She isnt interested in the things she was before. She seems angry at me, but she doesnt blame she says. I just got her into counseling. I was wondering how long is this oeocess gonna take?

[thatquietgirl]

It could take a while as it will depend on how comfortable she feels with the therapist.  Listen to her if she says the therapist feels uncomfortable and offer to find her another one but listen to your gut instinct as well if you feel it may be a ploy to get out of having to do therapy.  It may take the therapist a while to be able to address the underlying issue(s) (father's suicide, whatever else you may not even realize) if your daughter decides to focus instead on the superficial problems (the behavioral issues which have resulted).  

As hard as it is, you will have to be patient.  Encourage her to talk to you without being pushy or constantly nagging about how therapy went today, etc.  I'm sure you remember as well as I how it felt to be asked by a parent after school, "How was school today?"  Keep in mind if you ask her that after each session it may become more annoying than anything if she's not answering with more than a "fine" to begin with.

As Annie said, it may be worsened if she's coming into puberty, which in and of itself can lead to some problems.

Best wishes!

[AnnieBrooke]

How old is the daughter?  If she is just now coming on to puberty, this might be making things worse.