losing my husband

[lucknlove1989]

I have been dealing with the most difficult year and a half in my life. I feel just so stressed out and depressed I honestly don't know wat to do anymore. In December of 2012 I gave birth to my beautiful babygirl. She was premature, I was only 29 weeks wen I had her. She weighed 2 lbs 12oz. Now while my daughter was in the NICU she had 2 surgeries (PDA ligation & ileostomy) and I was also told she had a grade 4 bleed in her brain. About 2 and a half months into her hospital stay my husband told me that his cancer had come back. We had been together since high school and we're under the impression although he was in remission he would never have children. Needless to say we did have a beautiful baby girl who is his twin. upon telling me his cancer had returned I was devastated. I knew how he felt about going back on chemotherapy,  it wasn't an option. He refused to go thru it all over again after only being in remission 2 and a half years.  They did tell him if his cancer came back in less than 5 years he wouldn't have a fighting chance. One day while visiting my daughter in the NICU I hadn't heard much from my husband but knew he wasn't feeling well. When I had finally finished up with my daughter's visit I went home only to find my husband dead in our bed. It was the most terrifying thing I had ever had to experience. I tickled his feet thinking he was sleeping and he didn't flinch. Thinking he felt cold from the windows being open I covered him with a blanket and leaned down to kiss him. Wen my lips touched his they were cold and stiff. All I could do was cry and scream. My daughter was still in the hospital wen I buried him and released exactly 4 days after his burial. I feel as though I am a completely different person since this has happened and have no one to turn to. If it wasn't for our daughter I don't know where I would be right now. There are times I find myself reading out old messages looking at pictures reminiscing and crying. I just don't know how to deal with all this pain.

[jtrasky]

I can't even imagine. You women are so strong :'( hang in there ♥♥

[lovingmy32014]

So sorry for your lost my fiancee just died on sunday our daughter is 1 an I am only 8 weeks pregnant yes its so hard I lookat old pics smell his colognes an all