loss of my family

[lolotart]

I had a child at the age of 17 and was forced to give her up for adoption by my parents. My father did even see her. I love her so much and the at the age of 21 my father had a heart attack then 6 month later my mother passed away from brain aneurism. Then I got go lost in the world of drinking and drugging. I have come back to life now but it like all the crap that I went though is now in my face. I watch a father and daughter think on TV or mother and daughter thing on TV and I just cry. I’m hurting so much I blame myself for not being there for my brother who as 16 when they passed because I was in my own world. I have found out that my father had had many children before my brother and me so I dealing with that too. I don’t know which way to turn somedays.  

[lolotart]

Thank for the comment. Yes I take one day at a time. I aslo see psychiatrist.So It is a start.
I do write but I dont like do that to much. My brother on the other hand has his own life with his wife contolling(spelling) everthing so dont get to talk to him much.
but thanks for the write back
laurel

[mammo]

I am so sorry for all your losses.  But you cannot beat yourself up over this!  You have unresolved issues that you were trying to forget about with the drinking, and drugs.  It's time to see a psychiatrist and get help with all this.  The two of you can determine what treatment is best for you right now, therapy and/or medication.  But you need help, you have been trying to live with more than one person can handle. Take one day at a time, I know it's all over-whelming but with help you can get better.  Life isn't always as it appears on TV or how we imagine it would be in our minds, it can be very tough and painful. You can't change the past, but you can NOT allow it to hold you back.  You need to sort thru these things one by one, and let this guilt go.  There were things forced upon you, not your fault, you tried to escape all the pain by self-medicating, you knew not where to turn.  Life feels so unfair at times, and it's hard to figure out, or understand.  You've come a long way, keep moving forward.  Journal your feelings and thoughts about everything, putting these on paper is very therapeutic. Write a letter to your brother, he will hear what you write. Talk to us about all this as you struggle to understand it all.  We understand and do care.  Again, I am so sorry for all your losses and take care.  Big hugs to you.....,