loss of my momma

I lost my momma, my very best friend and my everything on March 5th of this year. I am a 30 year old, single woman with no children, no siblings, and no other family (to mention anyway). My mom was diagnosed with small cell carcinoma of the lungs in May of 2007 & I moved in with her. My biggest fear was always loosing my mom & like most people, I never dreamed my nightmare would become a reality. My mom and I were so close, and now I feel so alone in this big 'ol world. I'm not sure I know how to live, breathe or just be without her. Where do I go from here? I want so badly to pick up the phone and call her, you know, just to hear her loving voice. I find myself becoming angry with my friends whose moms are still alive, especially when they are upset with their moms or get annoyed with them. Is this normal? Will I ever move on? Please tell me I'm not alone in my sadness...

[Jaybay]

Aw honey, you aren't at all alone.  You have lost not only your mother, but your closest friend in the world.  You were truly blessed.  Many people can't begin to claim that close of a relationship with either parent.  She must have been a truly outstanding woman.  I can tell you from losing my father, it took me a solid year not to just disolve in tears every time I thought of him.  As with any death or major life change, it always seems to take me a full year to feel like myself again.

Since you don't appear to have other people in your life to support you, why not try talking to a therapist?  If you give it a chance, you may be surprised at how helpful it can be - with the right therapist anyway.  Talk to your family doctor about maybe trying a course of anti-depressents for a few months.  They won't make you feel like a zombie, and they won't make your sorrow go away, but they do help kind of clear the cobwebs out of your head so you can think more clearly.  Worth a try anyway, right?

Your anger toward your friends who still have their mothers is understandable, but now is not the time to drive people away from you.  I felt the same way when my dad died, and honestly, the anti-depressants wiped out that unreasonable and uncontrollable anger.  Time always helps with these things, but you don't have to go through it alone and unaided.  :-)

[Spooty]

What you are feeling is normal, and that saying that time heals well is true, you never forget but you learn to live with it.  I was pretty much an orphan at 16, my mother abonded me and my brothers when I was 9 and my father commited suicide when I was 15 and I found his body, it has been 24 years since he died and I still cry myself to sleep some nights, it can take a song and sound, please get grief counceling, I wish that people around me had thought of us and made sure this happened, how different things would have been, it took 10 years for his death to get to me and I had a breakdown and was treated for post traumatic stress disorder, I to used to envy my friends and I would get angry when the compained about their parents and wish they never had them, I told them that you are so lucky to have a mum and a dad, how I would of given my right arm to have had a mother.  treasure the time you had with her she will always be in your heart, your mum would not want you be so sad, celebrate the life she had.  it is a normal reaction to push people away, I found friends did not know how to treat me or what to say, I was so sick of people telling me how sorry they were in the end some avoid you.  councelling reall does help, it wont take the pain away but it really helps you to deal with it.  I wish you all the best

[suzi-q]

I know what you are going through all too well, I'm afraid.  I was single living at home with my mom and dad and sister.  I was 32 when my dad died suddenly in his sleep.  4 months later my mom passed away in a hospital bed (long story).  My life was totally lost.  Even though I was an adult, I was still a child.  We still had dinners together every night and talked about our day.  My world changed so dramatically in 4 months I still cannot believe I made it through.  My parents were truly my best friends.  They were my comfort, my support, my rock.  I don't know how I made it through, but each day, and baby steps got me through the other side.  I did go to a therapist as well as a grief group.  It was for adult children who have lost a parent.  I truly recommend that.  It is a place where you can talk to others who are feeling as you do and you can laugh and cry with them.  It is such a comfort to be with people who actually "know".  

I was also angry with my friends who had parents.  It bothered me the same way it bothers you especially when they complained.  It is all normal.

Your grief is still so raw.  It takes lots of time to go through the stages of grief.  I also read lots of books on how others made it through and the stages you have to go through.  You will make it through to the other side.  However, you need to feel what you are feeling and let it all out.  I MUST suggest again, the "Grief counseling group".  

My best to you.

[AlishaEdmonds]

I just want to say thanks for taking the time to read about my momma and myself.  Your sincerity means alot to me. I am looking into greif support groups in my area & hope to find one very soon.
Thanks again to all of you.  
With love and prayers,
Alisha

[lonewolf07]

Hi

I'm a total stranger and am very, very saddened to hear of your loss.  I too was young  when my parents passed on.  Your mother must have been a wonderful person and you must have been a wonderful daughter.  My youngest daughter has been estranged from me for over six years now, her decision, not mine.  She has told others she can't wait till I'm in my grave.

If you ever read this, please know that you made your mother so happy just by loving her.  I wish you only joy, peace and happiness - you are one of the few who deserve it.

lonewolf

[HockeyShark]

I am deeply sorry to hear of your loss.

Today, having been Mothers Day, my pain at the loss of my Mother last summer was overwhelming.

Be happy for the times you did have and the chance to say goodbye. My mom was taken suddenly while we visited her at her summer job in Yosemite where she was a ranger. We found her on the floor of her trailer, and not only had to deal with the loss of her, but the trauma of finding her. I was with my kids, it it was horrible for all of us.

In the time since we have gone through Brthdays, Holidays, and now Mothers day., I wish i could say everything will just fine, but over time, there are good days and bad days. You never stop missing them, you just get more used to their absence, and it hurts less.

Once again be glad for the time you were given,

Take Care.

[Misanthropist]

First of all, I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I can't say I can relate, but I can understand the situaiton you're in. At the moment, my mom is very sick (her spinal cord is degenerating as we speak) and she is only in her early 40's. My mom is also my best friend, and the thought about her becoming too sick to do anything and later on passing away, kills me inside. It is as if I'm in denial. I'm sorry that you had to experience such hardships, but you're not alone Alisha. There are millions and billions of people that are put in your position every day. Death if something we all have to accept at one point. I am not sure about how religious you are and where you stand in this matter, but I know that religiously, people tend to accept death as just another step towards after life. I'll have you know that it's fine to mourn, and it's fine to feel sad. But everything happens for a reason Alisha. Your mother passing away wasn't something you could stop. You were there for her when she needed you. That's something you should be very content with, considering that many don't get the opportunity to do the same. For example, my own mother had to leave her mother and was unable to be there for her when she passed away.  Alisha, you're not alone. And trust me, it is okay to become frustrated at those who don't seem to be respecting their mothers or cherishing the moments. You don't realize what you're missing til it's gone. I often become frustrated at those who have great dads but always complain about them because my father wasn't a great person, let alone a great father and so, he left us.

As many suggested, grief support groups could be great for you because you'll be able to find many that can relate to you. You'll be around those who know where you're coming from and you won't be lonely. But, these groups aren't always the best decision either. Sometimes, they make you feel that something is wrong with you, when there really isn't. If you feel pressured, or if you don't feel right being in these groups, get out. Try to pick up a hobby, and keep yourself busy with things that could only improve your life. I'm not talking about keeping busy with stuff just for the sake of it, but keeping yourself busy with important tasks helps you move on and accept things easily.

If you ever feel lonely and need just even a stranger to talk to, you can also contact me on here.

I hope you're starting to feel better by now. Please do let us know how things are going.

Take care.

[ibizan]

some very good comments here......it is important to busy urself...to find activities that divert ur mind.....u have so much company here..and in the world...i lost my dad 2 years ago of prostate cancer.My beloved mom has been dx'd with Lewy Body Dementia 2 years ago and went in2 assisted living.Every 2 weeks i'd go play bingo with her..she lived for that.My mom had a very sad life,neglectful parents and a father who molested her....she has been the best mother to her six kids..we've been lucky to have her.She is 89...a good long life...but on her last legs life journey with congestive heart failure and possible tummy cancer.I pray God help me to have the strength and dignity to handle this as my mom is!She is a role model of strength..but i feel the sadness and grief inside.I have very good friends to talk too...one who lost both her parents within one week.A good counselor who specializes in grief work may help and a support group.....ur not alone...so much loss in this world!prayers for u!

[dogmom11236]

My mom died suddenly on April 21st of this year. She was only 63, and went in the hospital for a hernia operation. She developed a blood clot and that is what killed her. The worst part is that the hospital knew she had the clot. I just question the treatment, and I am angry that she was taken away from our family. The funeral was just so sad. As I write now, I am getting choked up. I found that talking to people does help, as well as my husband and our two funny dogs.

I am also going through fertility treatment, and would like to think that she is somehow up there helping out.

Strangely enough, going back to work also helped, kept me busy, however, after work everyday, I would always call her and give her the gossip, and those first few days after going back to work, I actually went to pick up the phone. That was hard!

I miss her all the time, but I don't think she would want me  to be sad. That keeps me going.

[everyminutelive]

I am sooo sorry!!! My prayers are with you.

[etaxitpo]

I totally understand how you feel.  I feel the same way about my mom.

I pray for you peace.  I am sorry for your loss.