lovely mum

[dolphin250]

Not a question really - just an observation. My mum was elderly when she died but was independent and seemed younger than her years.  I am finding that, three and a half months on, the grief is intensifying.  I have good friends but I think they find it hard to understand just how hard this is.  I think grief is incredibly isolating - not at first but as the weeks go by.  

[dolphin250]

Hi Niko - I didn't feel disrespected at all.  What you say is very pertinent as my feelings of grief are intensifying but I wonder if that is the four month thing - people assume/expect you to be 'getting over it' etc.  I think when you're in the middle of this hideous process it's hard to know what you're actually feeling and, indeed, to do anything much about it and, of course, there are other things that have to be done irrespective of what happens in one's emotional life.  However, I am making an effort to spend time in nature everyday and to focus on issues like forgiveness when I am out there and your exercise for balance.
Love and best wishes
Lindsay
x
PS What is memes

[TheLightSeeker]

Hi Lindsay,
Unresolved grief, means different things to everyone.
It is what it is, and our words, feelings and thoughts shape it accordingly
as a concept inside us.
When, the level of grief that we feel is intensifying over time,
instead of subsiding, in addition to increased feelings of isolation ,
as weeks go by, following the loss of a loved one, that indicates
an unresolved part of the grieving process.
This is not to be confused with losing sight of the memory of the
loved one that passed on, or other thoughts and emotions,
that may actually have healing effects.
Being able to communicate and to share this with friends and
with other people close to you is very important.
I did not mean to disrespect you and the way you are dealing with your
pain ,at all.
This forum provides an outlet for many of us to express ourselves, that perhaps we're not able to do effectively, in our own physical environment with friends and family.
It also allows us to exchange ideas and opinions, offer advice,
not only to help others, but actually to help ourselves, in the process of helping others.
Does that sound right? Sometimes I'm ahead of my thoughts! lol!

And "hard" is a choice (perhaps a bit re-enforced, ref: memes).
Allocating Intention and Attention consistently to the right things,
have helped me, make it easier.

Have a great day!
Love and Hugs!
Namaste.
Niko

[dolphin250]

Hi Niko,
Thanks once again for your wise words.  However, I'm not sure that I think my grief is 'unresolved' as it has only been 4 months since my mum died.  But I do know that no relationship is perfect and I think you are quite right about forgiveness and the pain of hanging on to resentments against anyone.  Self- forgiveness is probably the hardest too - well I know that as I can feel myself 'welling up' as I write this.  Of course if we all loved our fellow humans and our fellow species and the wonderful planet we live on we wouldn't abuse it either . It is so simple really but, also, so hard.
With love
Lindsay

[dolphin250]

Thank you for this - I'm going to do the exercise now.  I think I get what you mean about the disharmony.  Grief is messy and, however hard we try we can't 'organise' or 'sanitise' it.  I think it is exhausting and lonely though and seems endless at times.  Just got to hang in there.
Love
Lindsay

[TheLightSeeker]

Lindsay, it's Synchronicity. A clear sign that the Divine is knocking on your door! I'm a Reiki practitioner too, awaiting for my daughter to become a Reiki Master, so I can in turn be "attuned' by her, to become a Reiki Master as well!
I'm so glad for you, that you are open and receptive to this, that you actually attracted this person into your life.

Lindsay and Ksanden:
In the grand scheme of things in the Universe, only our minds differentiate
between good and bad days or anything else for that matter.
It is within our processing that we allow "disharmony" in our daily lives,
to experience bad days or unresolved grief, yet, upon accepting  events as they really are, and not as we're taught to react to them,it gives us the freedom to move on, without creating any resentment, nor becoming further disconnected from your Spirit and your Source.
When you fill your heart with Love for Everything and Everybody,
there's no room for fear.
The Truth shall set you free. When your life is Spirit-driven, you invite the Truth in your daily lives, and "Nothing shall by any means hurt you."
  Luke10:19

Exercise for Balance, Peace and Harmony. (you may want to read it a couple times before you start doing it.

Putting your dominant hand over your heart chakra, take a couple deep breaths and visualize a ball of  very bright green light (close your eyes if this helps) coming down to your heart chakra and filling that space with its bright green light.
This light is activating your love Energy, so continue holding it there, while still breathing deeply from the diaphragm. Imagine all the people you know
and the ones you don't know, receiving this gift of love from you!
Love is abundant, so you can give all the love you want, to your plants, your pets as well. There are simply no limits. You can even extend your love to the ones who have passed on to the Spirit life!
Love is the strongest power in the Universe and through this exercise you are accessing it brilliantly! You life will be  Love driven and it help you manifest Miracles, as long as you allow this to happen.
And now, it's time to start closing the ball of green light, making it smaller and smaller in your imagination, until it becomes just a little dot in the Universe.
Great!! Now continue breathing from the diaphragm for a few more minutes,
open your eyes, and allow yourself to return to whatever you were doing before you started this exercise.

My new found friends, I'm privileged to have the opportunity to share with you this, which doesn't seem like much at first, however, when used
correctly and regularly, it is life-changing (for the better, naturally)!
You may already be familiar with it, but it doesn't matter.

ksanden, yes, I'm a bit psychic, which is something I don't intentionally pursue, other than communicating with  loved ones who passed on.
Often messages come to me -out of the blue- like a warning
or some Spirit trying to send someone a message through me, as many are simply not open or ready to receive it. I've had many such experiences
and I believe that it's part of my Soul Contract. ( I'll elaborate another time)
And as far as evil goes, again it has to do more with us and how we process concepts, not to say that negative energies do not exist,
but we can always protect ourselves, by lining up some more powerful Allies and also creating an Energy Shield. (I'm big on Energy in case you haven't figured it out already-lol!) It might seem far-fetched to some, but I can give detailed accounts of numerous amazing  circumstances that I  personally encountered, in relation to these concepts.

I Love Sonia Choquette, one of my most wonderful Spiritual Teachers.
You can do a search. She has tons of YouTube videos and I'm sure you'll love her too!

This post ended up being a bit long.
More another time! Please reply with your thoughts and comments!
Love, Hugs and Blessings!
Niko

[dolphin250]

Thanks for this both of you.  I agree, we can use loss as a way of growing and becoming more spiritual.  I see that on good days - less so on bad ones but that is the rollercoaster of grief.  I think some people genuinely can't understand grief and feel a bit helpless, so may come over as tactless or uncaring.  There are not many people I can discuss spritual issues with but have found a brilliant reiki practioner.  I like to think that my mum has been communicating with me and my dad, who died a number of years ago but who I still miss.  
Thanks again for your lovely words and love to you both.
Lindsay

[TheLightSeeker]

Everyone experiences grief differently, however, a few people,
are able to defy negative social conditioning a.k.a. memes, and use the loss of a loved one, as an opportunity for spiritual growth.

You see death, no matter how you may interpret it presently, is only the separation of the spirit from the body and it should pertain only to the latter.
And since the spirit NEVER dies, we have the capacity to tune in with our spiritual aspects of ourselves and recognize, even communicate with the spirit of our love ones who passed on to the spirit life.

I have communicated with my mom and my brother. who both passed last year, and it's a wonderful thing to know that their spirit life is beyond any description we can possibly attempt to use.
When the Ego is not there, what remains is Bliss, Love, Peace.
There's no fear, pain, judgement, insecurity in the spirit world.
It's all perfect there! Truly.

So ksaden, and dolphin250 I thought this ( which I sent recently to another individual with a personal challenge) would be appropriate:

             THE FINAL ANALYSIS

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
...Forgive them anyway!

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
...Be kind anyway!

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
...Succeed anyway!

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
...Be honest and frank anyway!

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
...Build anyway!

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
...Be happy anyway!

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
...Do good anyway!

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
...Give the world the best you've got anyway!

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
  It was never between you and them anyway.

Mother Teresa Of Calcutta

You moms would love you to live your lives,
according to these Divine suggestions!


My Prayers and Thoughts  are with you.
Peace, Love and Wisdom to you and your families!
Niko

[ksanden]

i do agree with you i took myself away from everyone seemed the more i talked to my friends the more they didn't understand my pain. i lost my mother to cancer we found out and within 3 months she was gone i was her care giver and daughter. its very hard my mother was only 53 years old. she pasted last march. i started college in hope of finding myself again. the one thing i have learned is isolation is lonely we need friends, and a lot of those friends will never understand until they lose someone close and even if that everyone grieves different.. no one will ever truely understand our pain. we just need to keep fighting, and never give up hope.. we will find a way.