someone please help me understand :,(

[witheredrose]

My grandmother passed away yesterday at the age of 83. She had wandered off from her house Thursday evening,  and was found the next morning a block down the alley from her home, where she had froze to death. She was found wearing only one boot, and no coat.  She was suffering from the onset of demensia. She would have these horrible spells of confusion, and sometimes wouldn't even recognize her own children. The same night just before she had wandered off, my aunt was there. My grandma had the flu, and was tearing apart her bed because she was convinced there was a dead person laying in it. Shortly after, she had throw up and my aunt cleaned her bed up and left her. She just...left her there. We aren't sure exactly when she wandered off, but we have gone through all the different scenarios as to what possessed her to just leave her house like she did without even getting properly ready for the below zero weather. She wasn't one to just leave her house like that, something had to have made her. She was starting to hallucinate, and we believe she may have seen something that scared her bad enough to just take off.
I don't understand, of all ways why did she have to go the way she did? Why couldn't.god have taken her peacefully. I have accepted the face that she is gone, but I don't think I will ever be able to accept how she died. It's not fair! They always say god does things for a reason, but what possible reason could be behind this?? Why do bad things happen to good people!!! My grandmother was a kind, sweet and caring woman, she did not diserve this. All I can think about Is her laying there on the ground, and her fragile voice calling for help, and I can't quit pictuing her pale, frozen, lifeless body just laying there waiting to be found.
I don't understand. I want this to be a nightmare, or some sick joke. Why her?? Why did she have to go the way she did. She deserved to be surrounded by the ones who love her when she passed, not freezing to death in an alley alone!!! Why why why!!!!!! I can't wrap my head around this, its tearing me apart inside!

[witheredrose]

Mammo: i too am very sorry for your loss as well. Losing a child is probably one of the hardest things. I expected this time to come, I have accepted the fact that she is gone but its how she went that is eating at me and its been all I can think about, and its making it harder. I feel like she suffered, and it kills me inside because that's the last thing anybody wants when losing a loved one. We are dealing with below zero weather, it was -17 that night. I can imagine her being so cold. She may have had demensia, but I can almost bet she felt it. They are saying it probably happened fast, but up until she died I want to know what she felt.
Nursegirl: She was found by a friend, who was also one of her neighbors. He was backing out that morning and had noticed his garbage cans were tipped over, so he got out to pick them up and found her laying there. She had a bad hip, so we assume maybe she fell and was unable to get back up. I'm not sure if the police are or are going to investigate, although there is really nothing to investigate. It's pretty obvious what happened. After her neighbor had found her and contacted the police and coroner who was a family friend, he had gone to her house to check things out and to see if he could locate her missing boot and see if maybe she did forget to put it on or if she lost it somewhere along the way. He found her back door wide open. I'm trying not to think about all this, its very hard not to and its all I've been able to think about and I have been unable to sleep or eat properly for the past days since her passing. Her funeral is on wedensday, I would like to attend but my parents are wanting to leave Tuesday and spend the night at my grandmothers house, as she doesnt live in the same town. I am not sure I could handle doing that :(
Thank you guys for your thoughts, it means a lot. If I find out more ill keep you updated.

[nursegirl6572]

This is all just so terrible.

I'm assuming the police are doing an investigation?  Who found her sweetie?  

Mammo made some excellent points above.  I know it's so hard to imagine that she could have suffered, try to not think too much about those kinds of details, as hard as it is.

My thoughts are with you.

[mammo]

I am so sorry for your loss and pain.  When we lose someone we love so much it's compounded by "how" they died.  This is such a sad story, but people with dementia are known to walk away from the house totally unaware of not being dressed properly or the weather.  Don't beat yourself up over not getting her into a nursing home sooner...things happen as they're meant to.  I know this is a tough pill to swallow, I just lost the second of my three children.  I know your pain and anger and all your "whys".  But your grandmother would want you to be happy as she watches down on you.  Let her shine through in you and all you do!  Journal all you are feeling, write to her in your journal...she will hear what you write and it's a great way for us to release so much pent up pain and anger.  Your grandmother sounded like a wonderful and independent woman, and I think she would have been very unhappy in a nursing home.  Maybe better off but not happy.  It was just her time and I too, will never understand why such good people are taken.  She lived a long life, try to think of the good times with her. With her dementia she probably wasn't aware of what was happening to her, let this give you some comfort.  Again, I'm so sorry.

[witheredrose]

She was not in the right state of mind to live alone, but she would not allow anyone to stay with her and she refused to go to a nursing home. And of course, nobody could force her. We were working on getting her court ordered into a nursing home, but we were to late :( if only we could of done it, she would still be here