suiside

my husband hang him self two weeks ago because of side effects from the meds he was on. i have 4 kids ones 24,21,19,12    they are taking hard. the 12 year olds is having a lot of problems in school.i was woundering how i can make it easyer on her she was daddys little girl. the older kids are all boys. my life has feel apart we were married 25 years . i dont know how to deal with it

[DLA]

I am so sorry about your husband.

Your family needs some very intensive counseling.  This is something I have been going through in my family.  My husband's nephew committed suicide a few days before Christmas.  There is just nothing else that you can really do other than be there for them and let them know that you aren't leaving them.  

Suicides tend to drive families apart, but you have to work extremely hard to make sure this doesn't happen.

I'm assuming your husband was bipolar.  Are any of your children?  This is a genetic disease.  If one or any of them are they should be watched carefully for any signs of suicide.  

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.  
God be with all of you.
Dac  

[xanweaner]

I am deeply sorry for your loss...the worst part of suicide is the aftermath -  loved ones and family members are devastated and struggling with the impact the loss has on their lives...and many times, keep asking why? Could they have somehow stopped it? Were they at fault?

I agree with Dac - counseling right away....hopefully, with someone who has experience with suicide, family crisis counseling, etc...

Hug your children as much as you can...reassure them about much you love them....let them know that you are not going anywhere.....try to keep up with their regular schedule and also see if you can get some help from loved ones (family members, close friends, church) to help you, too.

I hope that there are family centers in your area...you might be able to go for grief counseling support group, too...

Again, I am deeply sorry for your loss...

[DLA]

I should have also said that in taking care of your family during this horrible time to make sure you take care of yourself also.  Suicides are devestating for everyone involved.  And as the mom we take care of our children no matter how old they are, but we have to also not neglect ourselves and take time to grieve also.

I personally believe that grieving WITH your children is very healthy and beneficial to all involved.  It shows them that you are vulnerable too and they don't think they have to be strong b/c you are so strong.  Let them know how badly you are hurting too.

Oh, and by all means, hug and cuddle as much as possible with each other.  That is the best comfort in the world, doesn't matter how old you are.

Continually in my prayers.

[wearywarrior]

I just lost my sister to suicide this year...I say just because although it was this August, it still feels moments ago, and like a horrible theatrical play-not real!!
I am so sorry for your loss....and have no answers, and am looking for them too.  
The loss is sooooo huge!!!
Lots of people told me to be strong...but I think you should be however you are, cry when and if you need to, don't be afraid to be honest with yourself or with others...ask for help!  
Bipolar is a deadly disease....and if only we can help the world to start really recognizing the need for better compassionate care and treatment for those we love soooo much!  I wish you lots of love and comfort-for all your family:)

[hell1971]

I am truly sorry for your loss, no words can change or heal only time will do that but perhaps school isnt the best place for your 12 year old right now, if this only just happened it is still raw. You can only be there for them, ensure they realise that there daddy was ill and its not there fault. my thoughts are with you.