HIV anxiety

[Darren7399]

I recently made a huge mistake and am now consumed with anxiety because of it.  I visited a massage parlor on one occasion and I received oral sex from the worker.  We were both nude, there was lots of touching and grinding into each other but no penetration.  After a short time she offered oral sex and I accepted.  I did not ejaculate in her mouth but I did ejaculate.  I am a married man and have fully disclosed this information to my wife.  She has been fantastic and we are working through it.  I am dealing with a tremendous amount of shame and guilt but also major anxiety over the possible contraction of HIV.  It consumes my thoughts, appetite and sleep.  I understand I have to wait three months to get a test and feel that will be a long time.  My wife is also very dedicated to working through this (I am very lucking) and wants to work on our own sex life.  I am unable to perform and refuse to be with her in fear of hurting her.  

I have learned a valuable lesson about what is important in life and if I come out of this unscared ironically I think I may be a better person and the relationship with my wife stronger.  But in the meantime any response given would be much appreciated.  Thank you!!

[Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia, MD, MRCGP, PhD]

Hello,
Thank you for your post and welcome to our forum.
Because there has been no penetration, there is no real risk of HIV or any other blood borne virus.  Receiving oral sex and/or coming into contact with vaginal fluids outside of your body can put you at risk of other STDs including Chlamydia, Gonorrhoea and Syphilis.  Chlamydia and Gonorrhoea can be tested after 2 weeks of the encounter.  For syphilis you would need to wait at least 4 weeks.  Even though you do not really need a HIV test, I would recommend that you get a HIV Duo or Combo test (testing for the p24 antigen, as well as the antibodies).  This is conclusive after 4 weeks and at least you will get complete peace of mind without having to wait three months.
Best wishes,
Dr José

[Darren7399]

I don’t want to obsess here like I have seen happening here at times.  But I do have a specific question about the 28 day test for HIV/presence of antigens.  

I have been tested already for various STDs but my question regarding the testing for antigens is should I be as close to the 28 day mark as possible?  Is there a peak time for the presence of the antigens in your system?  If I get tested, for example, at the 38 to 40 day mark is it too late for this test?

Thanks so much again.

[Darren7399]

Just a quick note to say thank you again for the responses.  People who I have talked to locally who work in this field as well as my family doctor also echo that I have very little to worry about.  I am still waiting testing results anyway.  I am also in therapy for the anxiety and the guilt.  Seems like a lot for a person to take all for 15 minutes of pleasure.  Never again.  I have learned so much.  

If after a month I get all negative results returned do you think I can at least put that part of my anxiety to rest?

Thank you again so much!!

[Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia, MD, MRCGP, PhD]

Yes, indeed.  Risk is very low.  The risk of the above mentioned STDs would be mainly only from the oral sex received.
Best wishes,
Dr José

[Darren7399]

Thank you very much for the response.  I am having an appointment with my family doctor and am hoping he can put some of this in motion and possibly help me deal with the near extreme levels of anxiety I am experiencing.  

If I may ask you a follow up question.  The grinding was not overly aggressive and minimal and I was covered in oil as well.  There was far more touching that grinding into each other.  Although I still plan on getting testing done, I will not get past this if I don't, in the mean time do you think that risk is low in this scenario.

Thank you again so much!!