Relentless Nightmare

I hv ulcerative colitis & on Pentasa 500mg since 2 yrs. Happily married but committed the greatest sins ever: Oct10 this year I went / my colleagues to Ger on business visit & went to Koln FKK, I had 2 escorts protected vaginal w/ no defects-unprotected oral/receiver only) - 2nd nite the same but w/ 1 French kiss 1-2 min. Nov17 I had shiver and hi fever & night sweat (shiver a couple of times -fever 1st day 40C and the second 2 days 38 & then gone-had a minor fever blister on my upper lip & gone after 2 days-afterwards & 4 a period of 10 days I felt tiredness (no swollen nodes, no diarrhea, no loss of weight, no nausea, no headache, no ulcers) on 27 of Nov I had  trip also 2 Germany, that date I felt a bit hard to breathe so went to the doc(X-ray clear and gave me Senicod and Aerius since assumed it is bronchitis) On the plane my ear popping during take-off and landing.since I shaved my hair neck with a razor, I had a rash on my back neck-on z plane- wide around .5eachx6 (for 3 days). Nov30&Dec1 we also went to FKK in Ffurt and had the same as above w/o any French Kissing / oral protected. Anxiety up - I was still feeling weak during the trip due chest congestion &smoking around 22 cig per day. back on Dec2 I went to the doc regardin my chest and gave me Tavanic Antibio (1.5 pills/day for 6 days) along w/ Senicod & a CBC and Ferritin (both were normal). CBC similar to 2010 WBC 8.8 (up from 8.2). I resumed work w/ minor fatigue. Panic: yesterday 16th when I felt itchy & had very itchy pimples are pinky & almost .6 cm each (2 on my left wrist  3 at the waist & 2 on my feet. I checked my body and was shocked to death when I saw rash around17 pimples (reddish, small, and not itchy at all) upon my back (left side only spread in a 15cm diam - don't know when they occurred.
Q: what r the odds of HIV (evident symptoms but i was almost perfectly protected, or might I be one of the unluckiest 0.2% in the world. Thank you

[Dr Sean Cummings]

Hello,

The odds of HIV are fantastically unlikely - I would say zero chance.

I don't know what the fever etc was but I do not believe it was / is HIV. Take a high quality accurate HIV DUO test anyway - but I do not believe you are HIV positive.

best wishes, Sean

[Ronin547]

Dear Doc, sorry forgot to mention that I have been feeling healthy over the last 6-7 days with no symptoms at all except for the rash which is killing me mentally. I had a small cold last night since my son has had it, so only sneezing every 30 min or so, no I am fine (had Vitamin C effervescent).
Thanks and looking forward to hearing from you doc.

[Ronin547]

Hi Dr. in effect panic struck again. after the aforementioned symptoms, on the 16th I had the urge to vomit for 3 days (2 times per day for 2 minutes), a bit of lower back pain for 2 nights (20 minutes per night), 1 night sweat moderate, noises in tummy for 2 nights with only 1 semi-diarrhea, soft burning of penis tip for two nights (1 hour per night), oral thrush mino and probably due to ulcerative colities, weight loss of 2 KG in 7 days (from 78 to 76), loss of appetite for 4 days (no swollen nodes at all, no white patches, no penile discharge, no noticed fatigue, no ulcers whatsoever). Dermatologist though explained about my sexual experience told me that it is a viral infection from the air and not of HIV type of Rash due to the quality (he has trained eye, famous in town, and he pressed the pimples)
besides, last night if felt itchy in other part and some pimples (around .5cm 'pinky color' occurd on my left bicep around 7 pimples, and 4 on my back upper shoulder but thos not itchy though same type, and 1 on my lower neck not itchy. Dr. is my hope still on as before since the additional cause of panic is that my wife had a delayed manustration of 4 days with pain and I panic about the idea if I contracted hiv from the first exposure since I slept with her once with condom after my first trip.\ Thank you Dr.

[Dr Sean Cummings]

Hello

I do not believe it was / is HIV. Take a high quality accurate HIV DUO test anyway - but I do not believe you are HIV positive.

best wishes, Sean

[Ronin547]

Dear Doctor,
in addition to the above, I faced the following during the last 15 days: loss of appetite for 3 days - loss of weight around 3 KG in 5-6 days, a bit of lower back pain (30 min per day for 4 days), 5-6 tiny white dots not itchy below my tongue, mild night sweat (8 out of 15 days), lack of proper sleep, loss of appetite for 3 days, urge to vomit once, recurring pimples not itchy 1 or 2 at a time and disappearing in 24 hours, and slight burning on tip of Penis around 8 times and only at night with no sign of herpes, ulcer, or so. Urine color is normal, and over the last 15 days till date noises in digestive area and minor diarrhea once per day.
Ref: First sexual contact on Oct. 11 and last on Dec. 1: When I asked the concerned doc in town he told me that you had safe exposure in Germany and all the said and previous symptoms are psychosomatic. (anxiety had been hi since Nov. 17th (fever) - no swollen lymph yet since day one and no headache.
Jan. 4th: secretely took an HIV, Siph, and Hipatitis test through a virologist who said she will trace any abnormality and the next day informing me it was all negative (to be repeated in 3 months). Relief for the first time though I have been still facing digestive disorder (no pain) till date and mild sweat at night. Ultimate panic and about to faint: doc, an hour ago I looked at my chest and found some slightly raised brown dots (around 4 dark, and 7 light and smaller) and another two small dots red. Not sure if I had them before on my skin long way back or so. I'm freaking out for multiple reasons:
1 - I slept with my wife since first exposure 2 times with condom: she had faced a late menstruation of 8 days and quite itchy. Is is possible that she got infected if I have it?
2 - Today, I licked the cover of a yoghurt and folded it and after 20 seconds my 1.5 years old son licked it? is infection a possibility (saliva, not sure if there is blood and my son has growing teeth).
4 - Was the risk high since I stopped for a while Pentasa during my second trip or the risk since I had Fellatio 4 times in 2 consecutive days in first trip, or the French kissing with possible tooth brush cut (3 hours earlier).
3 - I am suffering since I had protected sex in Germany and all the symptoms are occuring. can you give me hope if such symptoms could be related to other causes: anxiety + psychosomatic + colitis + stress. Cos doc, I might live with HiV but wouldn't allow myself to survive another day if found out that I infected Wife and Child where the risk is quite low and God wouldn't allow such a wrath. I'm ruined cos I live in a country where HIV is treated as an eternal sin. Doc, you are my last hope before I crash into oblivion with all the negative thoughts and plans encompassing me.

[sunnylee198]

Hi Ronin,

I have exactly the same problem as you and now waiting for the time for me to take the HIV Test.

Dr. Jose has mentioned (which same as Dr. Cummings comment for you), the risk for from receiving oral sex is very very low. It did give some amount of reassurance but of course we will be still very afraid.

I think the biggest problem that we had now is not the fear but the guilt. So, with guilt, anxiety, stress, panic...I think we can go to the extreme of imagining symptoms...really. That's what my doctor told me.

I do not know if I should suggest this here. Dr Jose and Dr Cummings might not agree with this. But my doctor gave some Xanax 0.25 mg. I have been having many sleepless nights and cannot concentrate on my work. I find Xanax to be quite helpful.

I still very much feel afraid, stress, anxiety and panic...but at least with Xanax I can relax and sleep better. Until we get the test, I think these terrible feelings will not go away.

And most important, Ronin, promise your self you will not commit this mistake again. We should always remember this agony period if we are tested negative.

[Ronin547]

Good day Sunnylee,
Thank you for sharing with me the never-ending agony.. I can't remember when I slept more than 4-5 hours, waking up every morning at 4-5 AM in a mild sweat with immidiate mental suffocation. Losing focus at work and my job as a category manager requires lots of devotion.
Indeed, if I were single it would have been easier and asked God if something is there let it be me and not the family and will devote the rest of my life supporting their needs. I utterly regret the moment where I was enticed by my colleagues at work to commit such deadly sins. Everytime I say I should be a positive thinker then something new happens. Yesterday I did a CBC (41 days after last so-called protected exposure / condom but BJ condomless) and the result was devastating at least for me: WBC used to be over the last years 8.2 average (June 2009 - Dec. 2011). Yesterday's it was 6.2 for the first time and Eosinophils 7.3 (max. should be 2.9). Spent the entire night reading about causes of decline in WBC and couldn't find an excuse but the HIV.. even the doctor tried to dodge the answer informing me that all he cares about is that WBC is within the range. Here in town, HIV is a terrorist in hunt and you would be deported immediately. Please Sunnylee help me with 2 questions (Hope Dr. Cummings replies to me as well but seems that he is quite busy and don't want to bother him often, he had been quite helpful).
Q1: I caugth 2 types of rash during week 2 after exposure, loss of appetite, weight loss, oral thrush, night sweat, 1 ulcer in mouth, white dots under tongue, you name it - noting that I have ulcerative colitis... took HIV test on day 34 including DUO test (don't know which generation due to secrecy) and turned out negative... Q1 is: Does Ulcerative Colitis and Pentasa lead to delay in seroconversion, HIV antibodies in blood??? This is fear 1.
Q2: WBC: what are my chances that I faced all these symptoms + WBC decline... and still I am on the safe side? The decline of the WBC+Rash during this period in addition to other symptoms.... Sorry Sunnylee, I know we are no doc but we need some boosting till we reach the judgement day (3 months post exposure). Thank you in advance.
Dear Dr. Cummings, sorry for bothering you again, but would highly appreciate that you help me out only this time... if further charges/fees are required please don't hesitate to inform me.
Many thanks in advance and God bless you all.

[sunnylee198]

Hi Ronin,

As you have said, we are no doctors so I can't really tell/dianose about your symptoms. But, in fact I have read in forums by Dr. Sean and Dr. Jose (trust me, I have read a lot and even posted one). From all their responses, I can conclude that it's really a waste of time and energy to look at the symptoms. Which I very much agree. As early symptoms of HIV are very common and could be caused by anything else than HIV. You said you have loss of appetite and weight loss. That wouldn't surprise me too much. I'm going through the same experience now. I think because of anxiety, who can really eat well when we keep on worrying on something? When we don't eat well, we get a bit of weight loss...that sounds logic.
And I have also read in many many...way too many forums that if your symptoms are really related to HIV, your HIV Test should have been positive already. But, you have taken a test on day 34 and it's negative, so the symptoms are really not related to HIV from my understanding from all the posts that I have read.
And I cannot confirm this as I'm not a doctor or HIV advocate but I have read in many forums (again) that Duo Test is actually same as Combo Test, which these tests belong to the 4th generation test, which they test for both antigen and antibody. If this is really the case, then I remember I read in many posts from Dr. Sean and Dr. Jose that that testing at 28 days is as good as conclusive. But, of course, I just say this based on what I have read. Further confirmation will be needed by Dr. Sean and Dr. Jose or other doctors or HIV specialists.
Test at 34 days or 7 weeks negative is really encouraging (at least for me). In my country, my doctor insist for me to test at 12 weeks mark, which I'm still waiting for as you said the Judgement Day.
As for your WBC and the symptoms that you fear about, try not to think too much about it. As I have mentioned, I read in many many forums for doctors like Dr. Sean, Dr. Jose, Dr. Bob Frascino (he has passed away, may GOD bless his soul), Dr. HHH, if your symptoms are related to HIV, your result test should be really positive already, but it is not. So the symptoms can be anything, and the main cause I think it's because of anxiety. Really, anxiety can cause panic, imaginary symptoms which I'm going through right now also.
In my previous post, I have mentioned about the relaxant medicine Xanax 0.25 mg which worked for me in reducing my anxiety. But, of course you need to take with doctor's supervision. I hope Dr. Sean and Dr. Jose will not get angry for me suggesting this. Else, you can always talk to a counsellor or a doctor at your area. Sometimes, some reassuring words really help.
I will pray for you and myself that we will be negative in our tests and stay healthy in years to come and most importantly learn from our mistakes and be a change person. A good person...

Have a great day, Ronin

[Ronin547]

Hi SunnyLee,
Again lots of thanks for ur encouraging words and hope we live to see our children grow in a healthy environment. I work in a 3rd world country and the test was done secretly through a medium. Here, all HIV tests are done in one lab only belonging to the ministry. I sent my blood sample through the medium to the virologist who is his friend and when result came out I kept on asking the medium what kind of test was it with a reply that all types in attempt to track a single trace of HIV. When I asked the medium if Duo, he replied yes (but not sure till date if this is the one and not sure about the generation - will insist tomorrow). However, I don't know why I'm becoming pessimistic assuming that I already have HIV and thinking of the post-shock where we should move to our hometown and live with it as long as my wife and son are ok. I spend the day at work with a sub-zero efficiency and about to collapse before I reach Judgement day. Dr. Cummings is not replyin and felt like a bad indicator since he always tries to source out the positive news and maybe my case is hopeless. Sorry for being selfish, I wish u all the best as well, you are a kind and considerate person. Hope you tell me a bit about your case. SunnyLee, my wife might break up with me since I hv been wandering endlessly, , might lose my job due to lack of efficiency. In total dispair with only 2 hopes: familysafe and God's forgiveness.
I sometimes wish I had unprotected sex and in a 3rd world county, then it would have been justifiable... but almost protected sex (always condoms with no defects and 4 blow jobs where the chance is 0.005% and in Germany where 1 out of 100 CSW has HIV and with a very low percentage for those out of the 1% have high viral load. I swear to God no unorthodox act happened, all of the acts were short around 6-7 min, condom always on in vaginal and even BJ had been modest (around 45 secs)... only one French kiss... still can't live with the fact that I tried to be as protected as possible... honestly, if result negative I'm afraid that my weak mind might lead me to desperate result such as suicide, ... our culture is based upon families and connection and both families are quite religious and my wife is the only one married (amongst her other 3 sisters) where the family aiming high at me... beside the financial support that we provide to our both families.. SunnyLee, I am a good person in life, helping the poor, devoted to my family, religious... don't know why I was enticed to commit those 2 acts with an immediate wrath from God... I don't deserve it... I am dying slowly ...

God bless u, you deserve all the happiness in life. Will try to fetch some Xanax or so (I tried Lexotanil last night and still slept for only 5 hrs. Take care

[Ronin547]

Dear Dr,
Sorry again but I'm about to collapse just for the thought that I may ruin families.
Please I'm in need of a slight hope despite the symptoms, low WBC, high Eosinophils (though Lymphocytes were maintained at 24% since forever).
Question 1: do I still have a hope of turning out Negative and please a bit of 'why' the hope is still there beside the cause (almost protected sex).
please please please Dr., God bless you.

[sunnylee198]

Hi Ronin,

I understand your situation completely. I''m feeling EXACTLY the same as you.
My exposure? I had 2. The first exposure unprotected oral sex and handjob. The second exposure unprotected oral sex and protected intercourse, with 2 different ladies (commercial sex workers). So, our scenarios are very much the same.
If you doubt about your test result, then probably you need another test at 12 weeks post incident. That is also a reason why I did not take any test, because I know even if the results come negative, I will still be doubting it. Probably until 12 weeks test, I will feel really confirm. I don't know...
Sometimes, I think with my negative thinking, I might keep on doubting the results even though after 12 weeks. Hopefully that will not happen.
Honestly, Ronin, I feel better talking to you too. It's like I can finally find a friend that share exactly the same experience, guilt, trauma. So this makes it easier for us to talk, I think.
You know, I was like you previously, keep on looking at the percentage risks of oral sex. 0.005% does indeed look very low...too low to be even considered as a risk. But, I don't know why I just cannot accept the low risks event. The 0.005% feels to me it's like 500%.
I know I'm not in a position to advice you, because I cannot control myself either. But, I think for a start, we shall stop searching in the internet for our scenarios anymore. I feel, the more I search, the more anxious I become. And, don't bother about the 0.005% also. Just enough for us to know, unprotected oral sex is a low risk event. And, that's it.
I believe you are a good person, Ronin. I also cannot understand why I did such sins. Really. But, I'm very very sure for myself and yourself, after this event, I'm very sure that we will not do this anymore. You agree?
I don't think Dr. Sean's no-reply is a sign of negative. I think he is probably busy. And, I might understand if why he did not reply also. I have met with many doctors to assess my risks. I have been seeing this one doctor that finally told me 'No matter how many times you have asked, my answer remains the same. It's low risk'.
I think Dr. Sean probably feels that our biggest problem now is not the problem with the HIV risk. It's our mental problems now that causes this agony. I understand that Dr. Sean cannot help in this. Nor any other doctors.
I have made up an appointment to see a counselor to help me. I don't know, probably you can try also? I hope the counselor can help.
As for your wife might leaving you, don't judge on that first. She loves you and she wants to be safe. She will forgive you provided you learn from the mistakes and will not commit the mistake again.
I just hope my 12 weeks mark will arrive very soon. After that, I think I will be improved. How long you need for you to reach 12 weeks mark from your last incident?
Till then, take care. Try not to think too much. Same goes to me as well.

[Ronin547]

Hi my friend,
I believe that your result will turn out to be negative, lesser exposure than mine, probably lesser symptoms, and you had a test at 7 weeks (better odds). I will pray for you as well. I am currently following your advice of testing at 3 months and not before but I read if I have a kind of disease - in my case Ulcerative Colitis - than might take longer and for how long, I don't know and don't want to spend the year getting one test after another.
Exposure one: on Oct 10/11. and exposure two on Nov.30/Dec. 1 - If i had it then it might be during second exposure ... can't express my feelings... going int tears like a baby... sorry gotta go, can't control it for now

[sunnylee198]

Hi Ronin,

Actually I have never tested at 7 weeks. No. I'm waiting for my 12 weeks mark also, as what my doctor has advised me.
Like I said Ronin, it's totally pointless anymore to even compare your exposure with mine or anyone else. It's total pointless.
You see, you said your exposure is higher risk than others. Let me ask you, what if from your both first and second exposure, the ladies are not HIV positive, they are clear? Now compare with a situation from another person (imaginary person), he is having the least risk of sexual activity with a confirmed HIV infected person? Now, which situation you would rather be in? I think you would rather be in your situation, right?
So, I think it is pointless to compare. I'm trying to live my days until my 12 weeks mark in a way I don't want to compare and I don't want to even assess the risks anymore.
Your last exposure was November 30. So you can test at 23 February 2012. That's another 6 weeks to go. Time flies, my friend. At least that's what I'm telling myself everyday.
Ronin, I'm not a doctor but I really do not think your Ulcerative Colitis will effect the window period. 12 weeks is confirmed!
All the doctors that I have went through here in my country told me that, in their experiences as doctors (trust me, one doctor is near 70 this year), they have never seen any person that tested positive later negative at 6 months. Even globally, there only very very very few people that have been like that.
Now, let me tell you...I DO NOT BELIEVE you and me are belong to the category.
That's all from me now man...Take Care

[sunnylee198]

Hey Ronin,

Some typo errors there...:)

What I meant to say is:
All the doctors that I have went through here in my country told me that, in their experiences as doctors (trust me, one doctor is near 70 this year), they have never seen any person that tested NEGATIVE at 3 months later positive at 6 months. Even globally, there only very very very few people that have been like that.
Now, let me tell you...I DO NOT BELIEVE you and me are belong to that category.

Sorry for typo errors. You don't mind a bit of joke right in this time of uncertainties and stress. Hehe

[Ronin547]

Hi my friend, sorry I had no connection for the last couple of days. Sorry got a bit drifted... you were wiser to get tested only on the 3rd month because I almost fainted from the time I took the 5-week test till the result which took place the next day. since then, though I felt a bit of relief the first day, I started imagining some stuff: on the 10th-11th-12th of Jan some recurrent mild fevers, 3 times per day and around 37.7 degrees each for around 20 minutes then said to my self due to lack of sleep, lack of water, and extreme stress. On the 6th of Jan I noticed some tiny spots and my chest (brown) and my wife said they have always been there since no time, then yesterday (Jan. 14th) I noticed light brown blotches on my upper back.. I always had multiple brown blotches on my back but not sure that they were that large (around 9 with 0.6cm in diameter)... The good news is that the virologist confirmed a couple of days ago that the test I took on Jan. 4th was Antibody and Antigen test 3rd generation. But after suspecting such blotches, spots, recurrent mild fever, I panic got elevated assuming that the antibodies are now taking place and would have been delayed due to UC/Pentasa... and now I am panicking about what might come next within the next few days (lymphnodes, headache, or so)> I know my brain might trigger them but as if I am waiting for them to occur. What the hell is going on with us SunnyLee, though things might look bright and though the doctors (2 Derma, 3 General Doctors, and Dr. Cummings) do highly believe I don't have it and most of the symptoms are triggered by stress (psychosomatic), I am still living it till date as if I have it and planning what to do next. sorry for comparing my situation to yours and you are always right. by the way, I have another business trip to Germany on the 28th of Jan till 31st and will ask my GM to extend for one day through which I am planning to visit the girl whom I suspect most (brief: on the 30th of Nov. in Frankfurt I was a bit sick out of bronchitis and Jet Lags with 2 hours sleep and my colleague insisted on going out to get laid and I kept on informing him that I need a rest but he kept on insisting and gave me a pill (viagra-like), half dragged we went to the red light district next to the Central Station... I went to the first blg, first floor, tired enough, went into a room where there was an average girl from Columbia, she gave me a protected blow job and protected vaginal sex (though condom used properly and no defect, when we finished I saw that her vagina rim was dark red but dry, don't know what it is (the next day we went to a first class FKK had 3 protected vaginal an 1 unprotected BJ but not worried about that place though risk is higher due to BJ)> regarding the Nov. 30th, the what ifs occurred: maybe the condom wasn't latex, maybe my testicles touched her vagina rim...... however, I will visit her at the end of this month and will ask her for reassurance.. and will never even hold a girl's hand anymore, swear to God. Sorry for sharing with you such details but your input will be highly appreciated..... and sorry for you being the listener most of the time... Hope we cross paths in the future after our 'crossed-fingers negative result'.
Thanks my friend,

[sunnylee198]

Hello Ronin,

How are you? Hope you had a good weekend.

Well, if meeting up the girl will make you feel better. I think you can.
But, from what you have told me, with her you have did protected oral sex and protected vaginal sex. And, furthermore, the condom remained intact. So, I would really think there's no risk from HIV from this. Don't you think so?
As for the condom is latex or not. It must be latex. Put it this way. The lady seems to be aware of the virus transmission through sex. That's the reason she wanted to use condom in the first place. And, nowadays, most of the condoms sold are made of latex. So, I really think there's really no risk from this event.
And, I'm getting better nowadays. Another 6 weeks to go for testing. I have been reading some positive websites lately. What I want to say is that, I believe eventually is the GOD's decision on how we going to die and what causes that.
I have read and heard from forums and my doctors that some couples have been in intercourse for few years. Despite the one of them is HIV positive, another one has not catch the virus. Wonders, you might say, but it's true.
And, then I read in another website, a local website from my country. He is a HIV positive person. And, apparently, he is someone that is working in mosque. A very holy person. So, drugs usage and sex (out marriage) is totally out! But he did go for an operation previously. He suspected that might caused HIV positive. But he is unsure on what is the cause, actually.
So, you see my friend. The virus transmission is not something concrete or firm. Some people suppose to get by definition of transmission risk but they did not. And, some people is quite impossible to get, but they did.
So, I would say luck plays important role and so does GOD's decision.
I think now, both of us should have learnt from our mistakes. And, we have changed.
Moving forward, we shall just wait for the 12 weeks mark, which is getting near as days passed by.
It's enough for us to realize the risks from our exposures are low. Some doctors would even put as ZERO.
So, we shall just wait and pray and hope. Nothing much else can be done.
And, both of us should try to not to think too much about it.
Ya, these are traumatic events in our lives. You know what, if both of us tested HIV negative after 12 weeks mark, which I'm quite confident to say so. Probably, you know, we shall meet up, man. Who knows, if you make a visit to my country or I make a visit to your country. Or we will meet up in other countries.
That's all man. Take care.

[Ronin547]

Hi SunnyLee,
Hope all is well. For the first time I felt a bit positive today and your words melted like butter in my head. You are right, we should remain positive. Once I read a Tibetan saying: If a problem can be solved, then you don't have to worry about it. If a problem cannot be solved, then worrying is no good. It is now in God's hand and let's hope for the best. The only problem i am still facing is that I'm still waking up around 6 AM (sleeping around 6 hours lately / better than 4-5) but in a sweat. Probably due to anxiety... don't want to think of any symptom anymore, i'm so tired of thinking. we will focus on work and family and till then, God wills it.
Take care my friend

[Ronin547]

Dear SunnyLee,
By the way, I need to ask you a crucial question. For the first time yesterday I read about the tests. It was mentioned that Antigen is better to be tested on the 28th day after possible infection. Afterwards, it will start to disappear since the antibodies will start reacting. I took the DUO on the 34th day and was wondering with a bearable panic since I took the DUO on the 34th day. In case I had it, what if the Antigen got decreased by then due to the emergence of Antibodies but the said Antibodies were still minimal by then to get detected. Hope Dr. Sean assist us in answering this question.
Otherwise SunnyLee can you recommend a couple of websites where I can ask some concerned Doctors addressing this last and only question (even if paid webs).

Thanks a lot my friend, and sorry but I'm not a keen internet browser... still read physical/active books instead of googling.

Regards,
R.

Hope Dr. Sean can assist us as well.

[sunnylee198]

Hello Ronin,
Well, you can post another new thread in this forum, MedHelp and Dr. Sean or Dr. Jose will answer to you. That would be chargeable.
Alternatively, you can also post in www.freedomhealth.co.uk, which also runs by Dr.Sean and Dr. Jose.
Or, you can post to www.thebody.com, which they have a number of great doctors to assist you too. I believe they will be chargeable.
I have read a lot a lot from these 3 forums, and I suggest you to do so. Because, you will find a lot of answers there and probably you do not need to post your own question. Talking about saving money...:)
You have had a DUO Test at Day 34 (That's 7 weeks after your last exposure) and the result came back negative. For me, that's very re-assuring and I can even tell now: CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE HIV NEGATIVE.
There are 2 reasons why I say this, like I said you can check the websites mentioned above and you will know why:
1. Dr. Sean and Dr. Jose has mentioned before, a DUO test at 28 days or after 28 days is as good as conclusive. Yes, you are correct about the P24 antigen will reach peak at around 28 days. After that, the P24 antigen will decrease. HOWEVER, according to Dr. Sean and Dr. Jose, the DUO Test can still detect the P24 antigen after 28 days. And, for a fact 34 days and 28 days, the difference is only 6 days. Be rational, you and me would agree that it's not logic that the antigens will vanish into the thin air a day after 28 days. The antigens might decrease a bit but not completely gone.
2. Another doctor, Dr. H. Hunter Handsfield, which you can find his previous posts in this MedHelp forum also has mentioned that a HIV antibody test at 6-8 weeks is as good as conclusive. His reason is that, most of the people will be tested positive (if positive) at that time.
Mind you, these 3 doctors, Dr. Sean, Dr. Jose and Dr. Handsfield are the real experts in HIV studies field. They are world-renowned and well respected and even Dr. Handsfield even published some books previously regarding to Sexual Infectious Diseases. So, in conclusion, they have dealt with a lot HIV suspects and patients, researches and exposed to new technologies regarding HIV Testings. So, their opinions do matter.
Actually, I was tempted to take a DUO test too at 28 days/4 weeks after my exposure. However, before I read the forums, I have met with my doctor in my country. And, the doctor has some what hard coded into my brain that test at 12 weeks only matter, not before that. And him being my family doctor, I have to agree and follow his advice. I still have another 6 weeks to go. So, I have decided, well I will wait for another 6 weeks to get the test.
At times, I wish the doctors in my country are as good as Dr. Sean, Dr. Jose and Dr. Handsfield, but the fact is they are not. Especially in HIV studies, far from it.
Dr. Sean, Dr. Jose and Dr. Handsfield have all mentioned before that a test at 12 weeks after exposure is a bit conservative, considering new testing methods and technologies that can really shorten the window period.
You can search in the forums and you will find what I tell you is really from the doctors.
Of course, for your peace of mind, you can and should go test again at 12 weeks mark. That should be some where in mid next month, right? I would say your result would be NEGATIVE. Don't trust me? Post a thread in any of the forums that I have told you, especially in FreedomHealth, and the doctors will tell you so.
As for your good mood nowadays, that's a great news! As for your sleeping problem, I don't know. Probably, you want to try Xanax? I'm having sleeping problems also and the doctor prescribed me with Xanax and it helps. Talk to your doctor, your doctor will able to help you for sleeping problems.
As for HIV related, well, all I can say is that you are really HIV NEGATIVE. From the words of the doctors, I really think you are. Personally, I feel the chances of you being tested positive at 12 weeks mark is so damn low that you better get worried dying from lighting strike, which of course it's very very unlikely to happen.
Again, CONGRATULATIONS to you. You might doubt my words, it's OK. Read through the forums if you have time. Post questions to the websites if you want. You will know, I'm telling you as what I have read from the doctors.
And before I go, let me share with you another thing about your ulcerative colitis. I have read in this MedHelp forum yesterday. The reply from Dr. Handsfield, mentioned that actually no other sicknesses or medications would effect the HIV Test result or prolong the window period. There are small number of recorded cases of immune deficiency that prolong the window period BUT the immune deficiency that we are talking about is very very serious illness. The patients' body cannot produce antibodies to fight viruses.
The fact, that we went wandering around and now getting anxiety and the fact that we replied on each other's posts almost on daily basis and the fact that we can still work, walk, eat, sleep (probably not very good sleep). That shows we are not in the category very serious illness. The same goes to you for ulcerative colitis. It is not a serious illness and for that reason, it will not effect your result nor prolong the window period in anyway. If we are in very serious illness condition, I think now we are lying on the bed, feeling weak.
Like I said, take a read in those forums, post questions if you want to.
You will know...that's all for now...and I can't stop this....I'm very happy for you...CONGRATULATIONS again!

[Ronin547]

Many thanks for all your help ... even a close friend wouldn't be that supportive. I faced the worst life-or-death miscommunication: I managed to see the virologist yesterday to thank her that I was informed that the test was Antibody-Antigen (in other words DUO), she surprisingly stated that the HIV was only Antibody and the Antigen pertained to Hep.B.... slept only 3 hours tonight, back to anxiety and even worse since I had Diarrhea over the last 4 days (once per day) and mild fever for the last 5-6 days around 30 minutes per day... and a pimple on my nose... fatigue for the last 2 days.... SunnyLee, I'm utterly depressed and can't take it any more... I will take some Xanax or so..... can't imagine I have it, suicide thoughts, fleeing, sacrifice, .... totally lost .... sorry friend but it is a punishment that I cannot bear and all is left is prayers... all the symptoms of ARS.... it requires a miracle to be negative..... Take care my friend.

[Ronin547]

by the way, I only tested at 34 days and correct me if I'm wrong it is the end of week 5 and not week 7... I wish it was week 7. However, I'm about to faint, I told you before that couple of weeks ago my 1.8yr old son licked the cover of a Yoghurt around 20seconds after I licked it myself... please help me on this one: in case I have HIV, high viral load, I already have an average tongue ulcer on the side since 3 weeks, my son's tooth are groing, then what are the chances of him catching HIV from re-licking the cover of a yoghurt pack (the cover is kind of aluminium and I licked the bottom of it whcih had some yoghurt and then folded it and put it on a couch and after around 20-40 seconds (not sure) my sone surprisingly unfolded the cover and licked it in attempt to imitate me... please SunnyLee, I don't care any more if I have HIV as long as my wife and son are safe... I panicked today cos I saw a kind of white thrush on his inner lower lip with a small cut with blood... I know logic says it could be anything specially in kids but 2 weeks after licking the yoghurt... SunnyLee, I literallly started thinking of committing suicide and how to do it in case he or my wife got it by mistake.... prayed to God and hope he gives me this one more chance not for me but for my family because they do not deserve it, they are so lovely, I am the scum of the universe who don't deserve to live..... please SunnyLee help me out with my son's case cos I searched a lot and no case is similar... they only say if there is blood in saliva and the receiver has also blood, without mentioning the air factor, or if high viral load or so... I owe you till the end of time, I swear. Thanks Sunny Lee (tried to write to Dr. Cumming in a new thread by my visa ran dry, I will try again at the end of the month).
Take care my friend

[sunnylee198]

Hey Ronin,

Sorry, it was my mistake. Yup, it was 5 weeks rather than 7 weeks.
However, I do think your doctor might have made a mistake? HIV Duo Test is a antibody + antigen tests. And the antigen test is actually to trace the presence of P24 antigen of HIV. I never heard of a DUO Test to trace Hepatitis B. It's not related at all.
But, anyway, we shall test for the one last time in 12 weeks mark.
And your testing did not change my view either. Being tested only on antibody for HIV test at 5 weeks still very very re-assuring. I'm very confident that you will get result NEGATIVE. A doctor in my country told me that, up to 90% of people will be tested positive around 4-5 weeks already. But, you are negative at 5 weeks. Up to 90% man! Is that re-assuring enough? For me, it is.
And Dude! You need to stay calm. Relax man.
Your symptoms are not early HIV infection symptoms man. You should check out in the websites what are the early HIV symptoms are, none of yours fit any of those. None.
And dude! Your son is 100% safe! HIV is not transmit through food sharing. You MUST be clear with this. OK? Do NOT think of this anymore. No way!
No matter what are the circumstances, the HIV virus will not able to infect others if the virus stay out of the host. That means, even if (I mean even if), when you licked the yogurt, and there's virus on it. The virus will not able to infect others anymore. Because, it's out of the host (the body). Get it?
And, your son is safe because you are NOT HIV positive. And sharing food will not transmit HIV.
Think of this, if HIV is so easily transmitted, even via sharing food. This virus will wipe out the entire planet years ago man.
So, please stay calm. In just matter of few weeks, we will go for test. And, be very sure, the results will come back NEGATIVE, NON-REACTIVE. And, we move on. Cool?
And, dude, let's not be judgemental. We did mistakes. Yeah, I'm sure you regretted and you are a changed man. I'm glad.
But calling yourself a scum is not going to help. You are not a scum. You are just a human, that did mistakes...and now regretted and changed. That's all. And GOD will forgive you as long as you are willing to change. A scum is a person that commits mistakes and keep on continuing without regret and has no intention to stop or change. That is a scum. Let's not do that. Keep calm. Stay positive.
Take Xanax to help you with sleeping. You are sleeping very less. That is the cause of all the anxiety, sickness, negative thoughts that you currently have. You need help in sleeping problems ASAP. Please go see doctor to help you with sleeping.

[sunnylee198]

Check out this page from FreedomHealth clinic: http://www.freedomhealth.co.uk/sexual-health/early-symptoms-of-hiv3

FreedomHealth is a clinic runs by Dr. Sean and Dr. Jose in London. You said, you have ARS symptoms? Check this. It's really none of your symptoms fit.

You have mild fever. That is not surprising man. You have been sleeping so less nowadays. HIV Fever is VERY HIGH or SEVERE FEVER. You did not tell me you have rashes. Haha. So, man... please stop scaring yourself.

Your symptoms ARE NOT related to HIV. You need to have proper sleep. That's it. Go get help for your sleeping problems. And your symptoms will go away!

[Ronin547]

Dear SunnyLee,
Thank you for your usual input which has been quite positive helping me to chin up till we reach month 3. Actually, the rash was the pri)mary cause of Panic. I started the thread because of the rash which took place 14-15 days after last exposure (Nov. 30/Dec. 1). I never had a rash in the last 3 years or so and out of a sudden I had 2 kinds: the pimple-like and the acne on my back.... I went to the first Dermatologist twice and to the other one 3 times... both confirmed over and over that the pimple-like were insect bites from the mattress/air (they re-appeared and vanished within 10 days) and the acne on my back is still as is. I informed both about my exposure and still they insisted they were not HIV related... I was suspecting their judgment because I informed them about my sexual exposure that they took place in Germany and maybe their judgement was based on the fact that HIV in Germany is quite minimal and people with HIV in this town are quite few beside my low-risk. Besides, I have always had some brown patches on my upper back but when I looked at my back a week ago or so I felt that they grew bigger but my wife says they are the same. I am assuming that I am HIV free from the first exposure (Oct. 11) since I took the test at exactly 3 months from first and 34 days from second. I felt a bit better after reading your thread. I spent most of the night crying like a baby, toughest night ever in my life since I felt my son is at risk... SunnyLee, if something happens to him I will put my life to an end.. I have dedicated a full 1.8 years in rasing him with my wife and he is the main reason of my happiness... I will try to take another test before 3 months also secretely and then at 3 months. You once mentioned if ARS are related to HIV then the result will be positive so this helped get rid of the main panic which is the Rash. The other panic of my son is in God's hand and your input regarding Saliva in the air. The remaining panic which I cannot solve is the WBC first time decline in the last 2-3 years... however, and hope God forgives me, either my life will become a perfect one with a full love and dedication to my wife or son, or I will be here no more.
Thank you SunnyLee, and again sorry I'm being the one complaining about my ARS and panic and you are being a listener.. but believe me, you are the only one left... my couple of friends here got sick and tired of listening to my anxiety. God bless you and I will embrace your input: 34 days is 90% assuring - my symptoms not that related to HIV - son and saliva out of question. Hope we meet in the future when we are done with this.

[sunnylee198]

Hi Ronin,
Glad you can understand. Your son is definitely safe. 100% without any doubt. So, there will no chance for you to end your life. No way No how.
Yup. I'm glad you understand that if the symptoms are related to HIV, you should have been tested positive. But at 34 days, your result is negative. That alone ruled out all the symptoms.
Keep in this in mind. The risk is low. Dr. Sean has said that is his reply to you. Trust him.
Like I said earlier, get some help for your sleeping problems. Lack of sleep will cause pimples (that's for sure), bad skin, unable to think properly (thus having lots of negative thoughts), easy to catch cold, and many other sicknesses. Sleep well. And you will be fine.

[Ronin547]

Dear SunnyLee,
I appreciate every single word you wrote since day one. Your input had been my Xanax:) --- first joke since a long time. I will try to cope with the situation positively and will try to arrange another test this week for re-re-assurance because what happened to me last night would have led to a heart attack. I will pray for you as well from the bottom of my heart and I started to slightly believe that we will be enjoying life more than ever.
Take care my friend.

[sunnylee198]

Hi Ronin,
Well, if you want to do a test in this week. It's good. I think you should have reach 8 weeks from the last exposure. And, according to Dr. H. Hunter Handsfield, testing at 8 weeks is as good as conclusive already.
So, yes. If you feel like doing so. Go test at 8 weeks. Get the negative result and forget about the whole thing. You will be fine.
Else, you can also wait for 12 weeks mark which is not long to go. A negative result at 12 weeks according to ALL doctors that I have met whether in Forums or personally, ALL doctors agree that a negative result at 12 weeks is final and fully conclusive.
And, again, your symptoms are NOT early symptoms of HIV. Clear? They are not...simply not...no matter how you want to relate them. They are still not.
Yes, you will start to enjoy life. A negative result which you will get soon, will give you the assurance that you will need that you are healthy. And, this difficult time will serve as a lesson for you. And, you have learned from your mistakes. And, you will appreciate your family more. And, you will appreciate your life more.
So, yes. You are right. You will be enjoying your life more than ever.
Having said all that, I hope the same will go to me.
Take care...

[Ronin547]

Dear SunnyLee,
Good days. In effect, I am facing a conflict of interests over here, please find below the breakdown:
First 34 days after second exposure
I did the Antibody test at 3 months after first exposure (conclusive hopefully) and which is 34 days after the second exposure. The ‘suspected’ symptoms that I had following the second exposure appeared before the test: just to recap: Rash of Acne and pimples, loss of appetite, moderate weight loss, lower back pain, modest penile tip burn with no discharge or other symptoms, small white dots under my tongue (still existing), colon disorder, mild diarrhea, urge to vomit, a bit of malaise, night sweat, lack of proper sleep.
Day 35 till date
Brown dots x 4-5 on my chest and can’t recall if existed before, light brown patches on my back around 15-20 (.7cm each) which I always had but can’t recall if they were that large, 2 days bearable malaise, 5-6 days till date on-going diarrhea (once per day and mild), mild fever recurrence as described before, yesterday I had an engraved red dot (not ulcer or canker and not tingly/itchy at all) on my tongue side which is not bloody, yesterday I had a minor sore throat which is almost gone today, today I had a small lymph node on my left side of the neck, night sweat is mild but still on except last night. Tongue thrush from day one after second exposure: usual have it every now and then due to Ulcerative Colitis. WBC: decline of 27% roughly.
SunnyLee, my question is:
Q1: Might those additional symptoms of yesterday and today (dot, throat, nodes) be related to ARS
Q2: Don’t you think I should stop panicking now since I have reach day 53 after the exposure since most of the websites mention that if there is ARS then they will occur between 2-4 weeks / 2-6 weeks. The reason behind this question is that I am indirectly waiting for any daily symptom and start panicking about it causing hope imbalance.
I do know that I increased the number of cigarettes per day (from 8-9 before rash appearance to 17-24 after rash), anxiety and stress most of the time at their peak, lack of sleep, lack of good diet, lack of water intake (only around 500ml per day), weather drastic change in town (from 20C 3 days ago to 7C).
I know I am repeating myself everytime I talk to you but the answers to these 2 questions will give me a relief till the date I get tested (couldn’t manage to get re-tested here secretly and have to wait till end of Feb).
Sorry man but I highly value your extensive knowledge and you know an external party like you would be more logical and scientific than me surfing the web to seek out the answers because I’ve been trying it and the more I dig deep the more I look for negative answers.
On the other hand, hope you share with me your symptoms that you faced if you don’t mind… not for comparison but for me to probe into some positive indicators pertaining to your case. When it comes to others, I’m a great motivator. When it comes to me, I become a masochist.
Take care man and I owe you a lot.

[sunnylee198]

Hello Ronin,
Did you read the link that I sent to you previously? The link from FreedomHealth about the early HIV symptoms? You should read it.

My friend, you should stop reading all other websites in the Internet. Stop it right away. If you really can't help it. ONLY read these few sites:
1. http://www.medhelp.org/forums/HIV---International/show/383
2. http://www.medhelp.org/forums/HIV-Prevention/show/117
3. http://www.freedomhealth.co.uk/
4. http://www.thebody.com/

In this medhelp website, which is the website that we are communicating right now, there are 2 HIV related forums:
1. HIV International - Which runs by the great doctors from FreedomHealth UK , Dr. Sean, Dr. Jose and Dr. Mervyn and Dr. Alex.
2. HIV Prevention - Which runs by great doctors Dr. Handsfield and Dr. Hook from US.
You can find both the links above given.

Please only read from these 4 websites and not others. Other websites information might be inaccurate, outdated, not written by doctors, well probably by doctors but not specialists that can even come near to Dr. Sean, Dr. Jose, Dr. Mervyn, Dr. Alex, Dr. Handsfield and Dr. Hook. So, in conclusion, apart from these 4 websites, other information is NOT reliable.
You need to be really clear on this, because reading inaccurate information will only cause further scare and that's no helping at all in our situation. Cool?

Now, if you have not read about the link that I sent you, let me summarize for you. Major early HIV syndromes almost always happen at the same time. The early HIV syndromes include:
1. Very High fever.
2. Severe sore throat.
3. Whole body maculopapular rash (look for google pictures).

Other symptoms other than above are less likely to be related to early HIV symptoms.

I have read again, again and again. I still cannot relate your symptoms to any of those mentioned above. And, again, if your symptoms are really related to HIV, your test MUST have became positive. But, it was not. So, that rule out completely about the symptoms.

And, I have to repeat this. I think you should not diagnose yourself based on symptoms. It's wrong. A lot, a lot of people like you keep on worrying about symptoms to only find the results negative later. So, what causes the symptoms? It could be other sickness. But, if you ask me, I think it's the stress and lack of sleep. The anxiety level has gone so high that you cannot think properly. Any small pimple is now HIV related to you. A mouth sore, probably not enough water or eating too many fries become HIV related to you.

Yes. You should stop worrying. You are correct that most symptoms will appear around 2-6 weeks. Quite unlikely to happen after that. But, most important you should know that your symptoms are not really early HIV symptoms to begin with.

Your mild fever, brown dots, and whatever you think you are facing now are all not related to early HIV symptoms.

Well, if you want to know about me. I don't have any symptoms. Well, probably some pimples on my face (which happens all the time) since I was a teenager. And, I have accepted the advices from many doctors (in forums and personal doctors). DO NOT look for symptoms. Symptoms are not most INACCURATE way to detect HIV. So, you must stop worrying about symptoms. I have read in the forums that some people have really matching symptoms but ended up tested negative. So. I didn't really spend too much time to look or worry about the symptoms. Well, unless I suddenly get high fever, severe sore throat and rashes in many parts of my body, then I probably will get worry and need to be tested soon. Else, some small pimples, mild fever (most probably because of lack of sleep) won't bother me at all.
Now, I hope you are clear on this man. Please stop looking at symptoms and start to treat the real problem. You can wait until end of Feb for the test. But till then, you need good sleep every night. I mean EVERY NIGHT.
Go see doctor and tell him/her your sleeping problem. Act NOW!
Initially, when my doctor prescribed me with Xanax, I was quite reluctant to take, fearing I might get addicted. But, if you control the consumption, you should be fine and won't get addicted.
After I started Xanax, I can sleep a lot better. With good sleep, I can think rationally and won't get panic over symptoms. I bet most of the symptoms that you mentioned that you have are not even real. When you are tired because of lack of sleep, you will start to imagine things, fear of the slightest thing or possibility.
Dude, this is final. DO NOT LOOK INTO YOUR SYMPTOMS again. DO NOT SEARCH IN THE INTERNET FOR HIV INFORMATION EXCEPT FOR THE WEBSITES RECOMMENDED. AND PLEASE GET HELP FOR YOUR SLEEPING PROBLEM.
There are around 4-5 weeks to go before you reach end of Feb. Not too long to go, but if you don't have enough sleep. Be sure you will get a HIV NEGATIVE result but you will hell lots of other illness. You might even get mental illness. So, get help for sleeping. Really! Act Now!

[Ronin547]

Hi SunnyLee,
I will take your advice and promise I will not look for symptoms and will only surf the said webs. Regarding sleeping pills, I managed to get Lyrica pills from Pfizer and tomorrow my friend will get me Xanax or Lexotanil. I just checked the link before I opened the thread and looked quite promising for me. Rash: well, I will rely on the 2 dermatologists I saw since they told me that they were insect related (though the timing is strange: exactly 2 weeks after last exposure and they were itchy and a bit irritating... however, and as you told me, if they were the HIV Malucopapular rash, the test should have been posititive by the 34th day. I looked at the pictures but I don't have a trained eye: almost similar to the pictures of HIV but a bit bigger and unlike the picture, they were spread and separate around the trunk but around 7-9 on my tricep (those are the ones that worried me much and started thinking am I that lucky that for the first time I get insect bites straight 2 weeks post exposure!? Maybe God is working in mysterious ways and will be his slave forever. Anyhow, thanks a lot SunnyLee, I will try to dodge negative thoughts and probably I should do the test on the 3rd month cos even if I did it this week, I will remain anxious again and again. You're the best bro and forgive me for being a monkey on your shoulder.
Good night man.

[sunnylee198]

Hello Ronin,

No need to apologize. Please.
I really do not think your rash has anything to do with HIV. Reason is, HIV rash almost always appear together with very high fever and severe sore throat. With rash, very high fever and severe sore throats, there is no way you can miss it. Because the symptoms will last for at least a week to 2 weeks. So, it's really unforgettable.

So, in your case you only mentioned bout mild fever. I don't remember you ever said anything bout sore throat. So, NO WAY NO HOW.

And, you are absolutely, perfectly correct. A test at 34 days must be positive if the symptoms are HIV related. But, it comes negative. So, ALL the symptoms that you have mentioned has nothing to do with HIV at all.

So, bro...it's good news!

Yes. Good boy....only reads from the recommended websites. Good...good...boy...Hahaha....

And, I have read a post in HIV Prevention Forum in Medhelp. Almost the same exposure like us....guess what the Oral sex exposure. And, you can read what Dr. Hook's reply to the person:
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV-Prevention/STD-HIV-Confusion/show/1669611

You need to remain calm and fully understand that your exposure is very very low risk. And, dude, NO ONE...i mean no one has ever been transmitted HIV from receiving oral sex. Protected sex with condom is safe. Other than this, other exposures, like skin touching and etc. are not considered as risks

Go ahead...take some time to read the posts in Medhelp Forums, check the links that I have given. You will then understand that our exposures are really low risk.

It's OK to get worry, my friend. I get worry a lot as well. Human does get worry when they have a problem or challenge in front them. However, information is power. From these forums, we can get information. Not just simple information but accurate, reliable information from experts in the field. By reading the posts, I understand more and now get relax, because the risk is low.

There's no guarantee now that I would be 100% test negative this coming 12 weeks from my last exposure. I think no doctors can guarantee that now. But, if that happens, I must be the worst luck person in the world. And, probably create history as well. Haha. I don't believe you and me are that bad in terms of luck. Else, we would have died strike by lighting.

So, keep positive. Our test results will be negative.

[Ronin547]

Hi, you have been dragging me into a comfort zone and thank you for that. I checked the links and they look promising. However, still a bit pessimistic about the Rash that nothing similar occurred to me earlier and the WBC with up to 30% decline in one month only. To be honest, I still do highly believe that I got it though almost perfectly protected:(:( From my last trip, I am still suspicious about the first act  and the last act:
First: though vaginal and BJ were protected, the lady's vagina was a bit abnormal with dark redness... the next day I had 3 acts: I was a bit feverish that week, bronchitis, I am uncircumsized - The first 2 acts on that day were perfectly protected but the 3rd one only vaginal was protected and now I started thinking: 3 BJs in 7 hours, uncircumsized, I was a bit sick that day, I have an autoimmune disease: if the lady had a cut in her mouth the blood would have entered the tip of my penis ... I don't know dude but believe me the entire ARS are occurring to me but on a lower scale... let's see: Rash Fever (only mild and recurrent) - Mouth disorder (kind of small ulcer on tongue) - Fatigue (moderately but yes) - Night sweats (till date) - Lack of proper sleep (till date) - Loss of Appetite (for 3 days roughly) - loss of weight (around 2-3 KG roughly) - muscle pain (lower back) - lymph node: bit swollen since 2 days ago neck and on left side - Diarrhea: GI disorder / once per day half loose till date - brown patches/blotches on back: yes but I usually had them but still believe not that large - white thrush: yes and always had them due to ulcerative colitis but not that condensed - Dry cough: yap specially at night but probably due to excess of smoking - .... I don't know SunnyLee, if not HIV then what is it??:( I did too many tests on Jan. 10th and all were normal and was hoping for abnormality but the CBC and the result was the opposite. There is something really wrong going on. I even took Xanax last night around 11PM and woke up at 5:00 AM (1.30 hrs before). since I will be leaving for Germany on the 28th, I will take an OraQuick if feasible... can't think of the consequences,,,, SunnyLee, I surfed the web 2 nights ago on how to people commit suicide, I can't believe myself that I have been a kind of religious, optimistic throughout my life, full of positive energy, and now in one month I became suicidal but can't live with it... just can't SunnyLee.... I am still utterly devasted though your gave me lots of hope earlier. thank you anyhow and take care my friend.

[sunnylee198]

Dude,

You need to relax. Why suddenly you talked about suicide? Don't do that and don't talk about it ever again man!

Dude, again, your symptoms. If your symptoms are related to HIV, your test should have gone positive. But, it went negative. I do not know what causes the symptoms, but for sure they are not HIV related. You must understand this man. It's really that simple. If the symptoms are HIV related, test result positive. If test result negative, all the symptoms cannot be HIV related. They can be from cold, other viral infections or whatever man, except HIV.
So please man...stop worry about the symptoms anymore. Cool?
And, protected sex is certainly safe, with no condom break. Regardless on the condition of the vagina. As long as it is protected sex, safe. Simple, right?
On receiving oral sex, no single case has ever been recorded that HIV been transmitted this way. The risk of oral sex is always at the giving party, not the receiving party.
So, it's low risk to begin with.
Dude, you need to calm down, Looks like low dose Xanax is not enough to calm you down. I'm taking 0.25 mg every night before I sleep. What's the dose you take? If 0.25 mg is not working for you, you can increase to 0.5. But, don't over take. Don't smoke 1-2 hours before you sleep. From my feeling, I have tried it before, smoking just before taking Xanax. Seems like Xanax is not working too well. Reduce your smoking.

[Ronin547]

Hi SunnyLee,
Many thanks bro.... you are gonna slap me but again and a few hours back I felt itchy between my 2 toes and found out that between the 2 middle toes on my left foot the skin is drastically peeled and there is an ulcer on the side of the middle toe (pimple which is whitish to transparent). I know SunnyLee it could be anything from not drying toes after shower or so... but to put it into this annoying perspective, I have been quite healthy before except for the Ulcerative Colitis and out of a sudden things are appearing at the right moments of ARS... Bro, I'm so negative and thinking I belong to the 0.005% to mark history.... I will go for the test in Germany on the 28th and will  plan what to do next ... forgive my carzyness but decided if positive I will go back sell my assets in the country where I work and go back with my family to our home country... they will be tested as well: if negative I will support them till the end of life working my *** off and if posi, I already planned how my life would come to an end... sorry but can't take it anymore whenever I look at my child or wife I start shivering and go to the restroom to cry... not all the time, I only feel positive when I see your input but the next day if anything occurs I faint again.... SunnyLee, I don't deserve it, I am ready to give everything I've got to the poor (I'm not rich of course), ready to be a slave for God and family, I'm a person who got tempted on a rare occasion, but I'm not a bad person. pray for me my friend, pray for me. Xanax half pill (will check the dose when I get back)...

[sunnylee198]

Dude,

I don't know how else I can really help any more.

Peeled skin has nothing to do with HIV. You know that very well, but your anxiety takes over and now, everything seems to be related to HIV to you. I think, if suddenly your TV set at your home has problem, you will probably blame it on HIV. Am I correct? You are getting way out of your mind already.
No, you are not going to make history. I'm not sure if your religion allows you to gamble. Why don't we make a bet? I bet USD 100 with you. I bet you will get negative result. If I win (you get negative result), you pay me only USD 1. If I lose (bad news), I pay you USD 100.
Dude, USD 100 is not a small amount for me. That proves how confident I'm that you will be negative.
It takes some special traits in humans that make history. You need to be very very lucky, probably like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and etc. Or, you need to be very very unlucky to make history (like die from lighting strike twice, die from airplane crash). Most of us will be neither very very lucky or very very unlucky. So, people like us, we won't make any history. Haha.
You seem to travel to Germany a lot. That means, you fly quite often, huh? If you are really that unlucky, you might have died from air plane crash. Think about that, for a while. Will you?
Dude, I seriously don't know how to help you. I think you will need a counsellor. I have met one few weeks ago. It did help. I suggest to you to find one also and talk to a counsellor.
In summary, if you feel panic, uncomfortable, come back to this post and I will try to list out the points that can make you think rationally:

1. NO ONE has ever been recorded to get HIV from receiving oral sex. NONE. In medical science, there's always a theoretical risk associated with an exposure but on practical, the risk is not relevant.

2. Your symptoms are not HIV related. If they are, your test result at 34 days should have been positive. But, the result is negative. So, that rules out ALL your symptoms.

3. Please check Dr. Sean's reply to you. He said, your risk is ZERO chance. You need to trust someone. Trust a doctor. And Dr. Sean is one of the best person you can trust. He's an expert.

4. As I said before, HIV is not an easy virus to catch. There have been many recorded cases, couples that had intercourses for few years or months, with one person is HIV positive and the other did not catch it. There's simply no explanation. All in GOD's hand.

5. I repeat you own statement. 'If a problem can be solved, then you don't have to worry about it. If a problem cannot be solved, then worrying is no good'.

6. I repeat again a statement from a doctor in my country. Up to 90% of people will get detected of HIV positive in 4 weeks. Your negative test result at 4 weeks is very re-assuring.

That's all I can help. If you ever feel panic, uncomfortable, come back and look at the 6 points and calm yourself down.

If both of us really will get positive test result, when we really need to cross the bridge, we will cross. But, right now, why you start to image the bridge is there. A lot of people are saying the bridge will not be there. But, you are imagining yourself crossing the bridge already. It's good that you have the worst plan, but once you have the plan, that's it. Don't think about it anymore. You have planned. What else you need to do? That's all about it, right?

Now, let me ask you, so far you have only planned about the worst possibility? Have you planned for the best possibility? What do you want to do when you get your negative result? Treat your family to a vacation? Start  helping other needy peoples? Join the HIV/AIDS organization in your country and start helping really infected people or risky people? Or probably stop smoking (I bet your family would love that)?

Once you have planned for the worst, good. Done. Stop thinking about it. You have planned. Period. Think more about the good plans. What you want to do if your result is negative. I bet you have not planned, do you? Do it now.

And, get yourself a counsellor. I'm not a professional. That's only that much I can do.

Take care. Get help and trust Dr. Sean.

And please...I don't mean to embarrass you...but I really don't think you are a human with special traits (very very unlucky) that you can make history.

[Ronin547]

Hi SunnyLee,
You are right, I’ve been waiting for the symptoms over and over. I have to stop that. Will increase the Xanax intake for a while and will be running the test in Germany for re-assurance. Thank you for the encouraging 6 points/statements that rule out the presence of the virus. Indeed, will seek a counselor following my visit to Germany if needed, probably a shrink or so. Let’s pray that I will be the one wiring USD 1 to you, bet is taken. Indeed, I do not want to make history and would like to live life like a peasant. You are a wise person and yes an oath is to be made if result is negative: cherishing our family lifestyle, reducing number of cigarettes intake to 5 (reason: not recommended to quit smoking for Ulcerative Colitis people), a trip for sure, and most of all, being faithful till the end of times (faithful to my wife, my son, and most of all to God). Of course, would love to donate some funds to the concerned institutions and to share my experience with the people by showing them how guilt would almost ruin their lives. Paolo Coelho once said: and awareness of death is worse than death itself. So people like us should be aware of the ‘6-minute act’ which might lead to destruction.
SunnyLee, thanks a lot, even a mother would have gotten bored of me at this stage but you kept on supporting my case with logic. People like you have already left a mark in history – positive marks of course - I will never forget your support, never and once we are done with this I would love to cross paths.
Take care bro.

[sunnylee198]

Hey Ronin,

Alright. Seems like a deal. I know I will get my USD 1. No way. I mean NO WAY I will pay you USD 100. Haha...That's not going to happen. I just know it for sure.

Well, I hope your mood gets better today. Don't think too much about it. I have a link here that you probably want to have a read:
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV-Prevention/Deep-depressed-and-paranoid--Please-help-me-out-doctor/show/1670888

It's a post from a person and answered by Dr. Edward Hook, a well-respected Doctor in HIV studies. Look at his answer, on how HIV will NOT spread modes.

So, you see...it's not only one doctor that said it's very low risk, but in this MedHelp forum, all experts agree that it's a very low risk to no risk event.

No worry man. This post answered by Dr. Hook made me 100% sure that you will be the one that pay me USD 1. Haha. You better change your currency to USD if you have not do so.

I do not except EURO OK? Don't think that you can pay me by unused money when you go to Germany. EURO probably higher conversion rate, but I just fond of USD...Hahaha...

An yeah...I have read in many many posts, but not able to give you the links. Sorry about that, but can always read up yourself. In the HIV Prevention Forum runs by Dr. Handsfield and Dr. Hook, for almost 8 years, they have never seen anyone posted in the forum got tested HIV positive. You can read there are lots of exposures which some are more 'exposed' to you and me, and yet, still no positive to-date.

Think positive. Think of the 'real' plan when you get your negative result. The detail plan of it. Where you want to go for vacation? Work out every single detail. Which hotel you want to stay? The itinerary? How you want to help others...specify the organization...any preferred organization in your mind? That would be real fun. Right?

Take care, man.

[Ronin547]

Thanks a lot, that had been really positive news. I was positive and went to Dubai for a 3-day vacation, the night I arrived couldn't sleep due to some penile irritation, it was a burning sensation on the upper side before the head and the redness is flat but not round (map shape)... of course a kind of diarrhea persisted along with stomach ache. Acne on my back was increases and realized some additional brown blotches on my back. SunnyLee, I think I've got it.. I am so so sad, I still have 4 hours to go to the airport to Germany but couldn't stop crying specially when I think of my cute son... I had a maze of thinking with again 3-4 hours of sleep only.
The 'ifs' restarted despite the xanax.... What if I got it from the first exposure in October from either the French Kiss or the 4 unprotected fellation because in Nov. 17th I had high fever with sweat and chill... then end of November chest congestion and lots of coughing then minor sore throat then, and then.... what if the test at 84 days since october (or 34 since last exposure) didn't show Antibody either due to lack of updated testing here in the 3rd world country or due to the one I suspect most: either the ulcerative colitis or the Pentasa delaying seroconversion or luring the test techniques.... SunnyLee, all I think of is the test I'm gonna take in Germany and how to face the fact.... the only prayer goes to my wife and kid begging God that they are safe and sound.. SunnyLee, I might be marking a drastic history: whether by fellatio or French Kiss cos I swear to my son that condoms for penetrated sex were used perfectly. The risk might be from me having autoimmune disease which is Ulcerative Colitis and which increases the risk... can't be all coincidence the skin disorders, the WBC major drop, the penile irritation...... can't take it Sunny, I am a weak person when it comes to guilt, never hurt a person in my life. Sorry my friend but praying and crying my only relief and sometimes I ask God not to wake up in the morning for good. Hope Dr. Cummings can provide me with some hope as well... I swear I will pay the fee after 2-3 days when I get paid... SunnyLee, I wish I had 10 unprotected sex with hiv positive people then I will understand. my life has come to an end....

[sunnylee198]

Hello Ronin,

Here you go again.
We have gone through this. I have even posted some links to support my statements.
Kissing will not transmit HIV, whether it's French Kiss or not. It's impossible.
Do you know daily how many people kiss? Kiss someone that we know or a stranger? And the kisses might not be french kiss, might be just kisses to the face but probably the person has pimples or the lips is sore or broken. Damn, then, if kissing is a risky transmission behaviour, then by now after HIV has been discovered around 40 years ago, I think half of the entire world population or more should have been infected by HIV. Because, it's simple, people kiss! We can kiss our neighbour's cute son, The son gets infected, the son kisses his sister, his sister gets infected, kisses her parents and the parents get infected. In a day, at least 10 people in a household get infected easily. Haha...
Make sense?
And now...the Oral Sex...dude, Dr. Sean said ZERO risk, Dr. Hook said, no transmission ever happened. Dr. Jose said no risk, Dr. Handsfield said the risk is negligible. Dr. Handsfield even added in other threads, the possibility of transmitting HIV is equivalent to getting oral sex for 55 years daily, and the transmission still might not happen. With all these supporting statements from the Best HIV Doctors IN THE WORLD, you still worry?
It's normal that you get worry. But, I think your problem now is not about the risks anymore. It's about your mind.
And your symptoms, they are not related to HIV. Dude, I have a lot of pimples since I was a teenager. Were you indicating that I was HIV positive since I was a teenager? Haha...
Pain/burning when you pee. That is definitely not HIV related. You might be drinking less water or probably just a mild infection due to body heat. Go see doctor.
Bottom line, I seriously think you need to see a shrink. Now! Get help for your mental problem.
You need to....as for risks, I have said many times....very very very low risks and your symptoms...they are not related to HIV...

[Ronin547]

Hi and thanks for not giving up... in effect, there is something wrong with me (beside the psychological part). I barely sleep 4-5 hours with night sweats, nowadays chest congestion and coughing.. the doctors in town don't take me seriously 'Ah, get out of here, you don't have HIV' then I ask why, 'you are not that type of a person, only those with high risks....'. Then when I ask them about the symptoms and might be any other diseases then 'Ah, get out of here, it is only stress'.... I should make a sitcom about it call 'Ah, get out of here:). SunnyLee, I am not gonna bother you anymore with this and would love to thank you a lot for all your help. I will ignore all symptoms till next Monday cos I am in Germany right now (Dusseldorf) and called the AIDS advice of the Health Office Department but I was informed they will open on Monady (testing 12:30 - 2:00)/Rapid test. My friend, take care. By the way, if I'm negative, I will visit your hometown by next summer along with my wife (vacation), she always wanted to go to Malaysia.. and when I see you there I will give you the 1 USD, shake your hand, and lift you up to show the entire world the true meaning of friendship.

[sunnylee198]

Hello Ronin,

That's great. In any case, you can post email to me through this forum.

I got an email few days ago, warning about excessive postings. Haha...

Let's not break the rules. Post through email. Just point to my name, a box will appear, and click on Send Message. You can send a message to me that way. I will reply.

Take care. Waiting for your good news.