need second opinion

Dear Doctor,

I would like to hear your opinion concerning the risk. I have already asked for it on the HIV prevention forums, but cannot stop worrying.  

I am a male in my late 30th, living in France. A couple of weeks ago I had a sexual contact with a white Dutch man around 30y.o. in the Netherlands whom I met in internet. We had it in the night in his car. He masturbated me. I was wearing a condom. That was it. I understand that this exposer did not put me at any risk for HIV?

Now, the guy looked somehow weird and this is why I am worried. Just a few examples: he quite insisted to meet with me: he said that he loved to see a man masturbating. He himself did not have erection (he told me that he had ejaculated earlier this day). He has sent me a photo, but he looked different (claimed the photo was done a few years ago). He lied about his work (next day I went there and found out he was not working there).

After I started to think – what a fun was it for him after all? What if he was a criminal and wanted to infect me purposely, for example with a tiny needle? No, I did not feel any pain. At least I do not remember that I felt any. But what if my emotional conditions (I was quite nervous because I escaped the house while my wife was sleeping) and orgasm that night masked the possible pain from a needle?

The guy told me that he had no hiv and that he is a bi and lives with his girl-friend and a kid. I found him on the same chat next date. He said that he did not want to harm me.  Maybe his “strange” behavior was because he does not want that his g.f. discovers his bi-life.

Do you think this all is a product of my imagination? Have you ever heard about the cases of infection like this, I mean on purpose?

Do you think that I need a test to calm down? My wife wants to have a sex with me these days, but I am scared.
We are planning to have a kid… But I do not want to tell her my story. I am terrified by the thoughts that he could do something bad to me.

[Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia, MD, MRCGP, PhD]

Hello,
Thank you for your post and welcome to our forum.
Firstly I would like to say that the encounter as described did not involve any risk of STDs for you at all whatsoever, and certainly not HIV.  I think that those paranoid thoughts that you are having are possibly related to your guilt.  It does not sound plausible at all.  I do not believe that this man met with you in order to harm you in any way; an besides you would have noticed it.  Many people are into all sorts of fetiches, and he is obviously into watching other men masturbate.
No need to get tested; no need to worry.  And no risk to your wife from this incident.
Best wishes,
Dr José

[pavlik71]

kust a comment - I was not drunk and I do not use drugs.

[pavlik71]

and one more. today I had a sex with my wife.. I feel so guilty. But I could not resist and tell her about what happened... I am so scared now.

[pavlik71]

Dear Doctor,

Thank you very much for your reply.

We are planning to have a child. My main concern is the health of my wife. I do not want to put her at any risk, of course. My last contact outside of my family was last year February and it was safe. The case I described here was the only contact outside of my family I had since then.

So you really really believe this last encounter I had is of no danger for my wife and I should stop worrying?

Then I feel relieve. I only need to try to forget about what happened (which is difficult because in my mind I have this “what if”).

Best regards

[pavlik71]

Dear Doctor, may I one question to clarify your answer? In your experience, have you witnessed cases when a person was infected on purpose? I am still worried, that he could have done it in a way I could not noticed it. Am I unreasonable?  Thank you.

[pavlik71]

Dear Doctor, no further comments?

[pavlik71]

Dear Doctor,

I would never come back to this thread, but the symptoms I have now worry me.

It is the 6th week from the encounter I mentioned in this thread. Since four days I have a bit of sore throat.  No fever. No running nose, but some uncomfortable nasal discharge I feel in my nose.  These are quite unusual symptoms; normally if I catch cold I have much more pain in my throat and running nose after.  

Today I had diarrhea one time. Earlier last week I also had diarrhea once. The frequency is also quite unusual for me. And I normally have none when I catch cold.  

Do you think that I need to test for HIV?

I beg you not to delete this question but instead to give it a serious consideration. My wife thinks that she is pregnant !!! now (all tests show that but we are waiting for the ultrasound test)  and the pregnancy happened AFTER the incident. I trusted you and other people on this site who told me that I had nothing to worry and could sleep with my wife.  

Sincerely

[Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia, MD, MRCGP, PhD]

None of that would change my initial assessment of your situation and I can assure you that your symptoms have nothing to do with HIV.
As you seem to be quite anxious about the whole situation, you could get tested as the only justification for this test would be for your peace of mind, so that you can forget it and move on.  The result will be negative.
Best wishes,
Dr José

[pavlik71]

dear Doctor,
I tested NEGATIVE with the duo test. Here in France they say it is conclusive if taken 6 weekd after possible risk. I took it at week 7.
I guess it is conclusive. Am I right?

[pavlik71]

dear Doctor,
I tested NEGATIVE with the duo test. Here in France they say it is conclusive if taken 6 weekd after possible risk. I took it at week 7.
I guess it is conclusive. Am I right?

[Vance2335]

READ what he has written to you...you did not have a risk.