HIV - Prevention Expert Forum
Need Help - Very Worried
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This forum is limited to prevention of HIV and to safe sex in general. All questions will be answered by H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D. or Edward W Hook, MD.

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Need Help - Very Worried

Hello Doctors,

I desperately need some help. I'm very scared. I've been reading too much and I've worried myself very much. I am a married man who nearly 3 weeks ago engaged in mutual masturbation with another man I met at an adult bookstore. I am uncircumsized. He masturbated himself some and then masturbated me. I also masturbated him. At one point, he rubbed the tip of my penis for a number of seconds. He masturbated me until I ejaculated. He did not ejaculate.

Exactly 6 days after that, I came down with a fever (ranging from around 99 to a little over 100 degrees), had a cough, and a lot of sinus pressure. I also had lower back aches, legs, knees, feet, and ankle aches. I saw my doctor twice that week who said she felt I had the flu even though the tests came back negative. She also said it could be a sinus infection. She also began treating me for prostititus which I have had before. I began taking Cipro and Tamiflu. I understand Cipro is a powerful drug that can cause a lot of side effects. I have not had any nausea, vomiting, or rash. I did begin to have some body itching this week but no redness or rash.

I started getting better quickly but then last week, I had numbness feelings in my left foot. That lasted for a couple of days. I also lost my appetite and have been having a lot of upset stomach issues. My stomach rumbles and roars all of the time. I have tried to tell myself that all of this is due to the Cipro but I'm not sure. Today, I still have the loss of appetite, some muscle pain in my legs, and the upset stomach.

I have made peace with my Lord but I'm severely depressed and scared. Doctor, I am mostly afraid for my wife. I would not be able to live with myself if I made her sick. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I just could not survive if I knew I made her sick.

1) From the situation, do you feel I need to be tested for HIV?
2) If this were you, would you resume unprotected sex with your wife without testing?
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Welcome to our Forum.  I'll be pleased to comment.  I think you are a victim of coincidence and that the combination of your guilt over this encounter, having the bad luck to acquire the sort of flu-like illness than most people get from time to time, and the remarkable ability of the internet to fuel anxieties with misinformation are at the root of your difficulties.  The activities that you describe are entirely safe sex with no (I repeat NO) risk for HIV whatsoever.  No one has ever acquired or transmitted HIV through mutual masturbation, despite the fact that it is typical for persons engaged in mutual masturbation to get each other’s' genital secretions on one another in the course of the activity. There is no reason for you to worry or to test related to the events you describe.

I hope that my comments are helpful to you.  Please don't worry. EWH
9 Comments
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Thank you for your comment. Please humor me a follow-up...my concern was the possibility of him having a sore or something on the hand he rubbed the tip of my penis with. Could something like that have resulted in the virus entering into my urethra? Also...we did touch penises briefly at one point where we masturbated them while mine was on top of his. Still no risk? In your professional advice, you see no reason to resume unprotected sex with my wife?
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Sorry...that last sentence was a little weird! I should say, you see no reason why I should not resume unprotected sex with my wife? Also, my wife began to get the same symptoms a couple of days after me which helped me think that I truly did have a sinus infection or flu as that illness would not have spread to her if caused by HIV, correct?
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300980_tn?1194933000
Oh please.  These sorts of "what if" questions are a bit silly - if he was holding hot coals in his hand you might have gottten burned - so what.  As I said, from all we know this was a NO RISK exposure.  

I see no reason not to resume unprotected sex with your wife.

Please no more of these anxiety-driving "what if" questions.  EWH
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Avatar_n_tn
I appreciate your help, Dr. Hook. I will take your advice and not seek testing. I do feel much better at ease. Thank you.
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Glad to help. EWH
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Avatar_n_tn
Hi Dr. Hook,

Last post...I wanted to share a heartfelt thanks for all your help. Anxiety did get the best of me and I tested today with the Uni-Gold rapid test. It would be 76 days today...nearly 11 weeks. It came back negative of course. It wasn't really a surprise to me and I know it isn't a surprise to you. Is this test at day 76/week 11 100% conclusive for me? Do I need any further testing?
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Avatar_n_tn
I've been reading...shouldn't have...I see conflicting info about the testing window. I'm pretty confident that my 76 day test is conclusive but I also see that one has to wait until 12 weeks for rapid tests or 3 months altogether. I am correct in my assumption that I am done with testing with just this one test at 76 days? 100% (or as close to it as you can get in science)?
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Your test results will not change with further testing. do not waste your time or money with further testing.  EWH
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H. Hunter Handsfield, M.D.Blank
University of Washington
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University of Alabama at Birmingham
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