Please help me assess risk / need for HIV testing?
Hello, thank you in advance for your input.
Here are the facts. 4 days ago I had protected oral and vaginal sex with a call girl in an apartment in Calgary, Canada. Apartment was clean and nicely decorated.
- She started with a light massage on back (10 minutes) using massage oil. After I flipped to the other side she placed condom on me (it was her condom). She then massaged my penis with her and and in between her breasts. She also massaged my testicles.
-The condom was fully on when she started to perform oral. The condom was her condom. I did not check the brand, but it fit correctly.
- After less than 2 minutes oral (with condom), we had protected vaginal sex (using the same condom that we used for oral). For vaginal sex she was lying on massage table, I was standing.
- I ejaculated after a very short time during vaginal (less than 1 minute) into condom. After ejaculation I withdrew my penis and the condom seemed intact and fully covering my penis.
-I removed condom and tied top of it, I could see no holes and my semen was contained inside. The semen did not leak out or fall out, I have no reason to believe that condom was broken.
- I did not kiss her but I did lightly finger the outside of her vagina and sucked her breasts and nipples while she was performing protected oral.
- I had shower immediately after and washed with soap (which she provided).
Because of anxiety the next day I called her and asked her if she had been tested and she emphatically stated "absolutely".
I haven't had any symptoms of anything (other than fear and anxiety)
What is my risk for STD / HIV? Do I need to get tested for anything? Can I have sex with my wife? I feel like hell, mostly because I am married and shouldn't have done this. It was a one time discretion.
Please help me. I'd really like to put this isolated incident behind me and move on with my life.
WElcome to the forum. Thanks for your question. However, questions about semi-sexual exposures, without penetration, are among the most common of all topics on this forum. You can scan any day's questions to find several like it. The answers always are the same; here they are again.
I'll start with congratulations: Within the context of a new, extramarital partnership, you went about it with carefully safe sex. Good decision. It protected you from any significant chance of infection.
Protected vaginal sex is entirely safe with regard to HIV; oral sex is safe even without a condom and obviously remains zero risk with one; and the other sorts of contact you describe also cannot transmit HIV. The rules for sexual transmission of HIV are very straightforward: if there is no unprotected (no condom) insertion of a penis into another person's vagina, rectum, or (maybe very rarely) mouth, there is no risk of HIV transmission. Kissing, body contact, hand-genital contact, fingering, and so on. And the details of how a condom is applied and removed, and where someone ejaculates, never makes a difference.
In addition, the chance a partner like yours has HIV is very low, probably under 1 in a thousand. Even if you had had entirely unprotected vaginal sex, I would not be worried about any signficiant chance you were infected. And people rarely lie about HIV status when asked directly, the the chance your partner was infected was especially low.
So I don't recommend testing for HIV or any other STD; and if I were in your circumstance, I would continue unprotected sex with my wife without fear of infecting her with anything.
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