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hiv test
Hey doc , I will try to keep it short and to the point. I had unprotected oral (cunniligus) and protected vaginal with a woman of unknown status. I had dna pcr test at 3 weeks and elissa test at 17 weeks. I also had hepb test done at 4 weeks. All were neg. My question is that enough time for both test? My big concern is my wife just found out she is pregnant, and I am concerned these might not have been conclusive enough.Thanks for your time.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
The most common causes of such oral ulcers are canker sores; or if they are on the sides of the mouth, tooth injuries. HIV and herpes are not causes. Whatever they have is unrelated to the sexual exposure you describe.
In view of the facts, your obsession with HIV is greatly inflated, probably reflecting your guilt over your sexual adventure. If you cannot shake the fear, please seek the advice of a mental health professional.
This is my last response on this thread.
In view of the facts, your obsession with HIV is greatly inflated, probably reflecting your guilt over your sexual adventure. If you cannot shake the fear, please seek the advice of a mental health professional.
This is my last response on this thread.
Sorry about that, they each have a single ulcer on the inside of cheek as I also do. Sorry for the repitition, just with that much at stake it makes me even more concerned. Thanks for all your help.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
There is never a need for HIV testing more than 3 months after a possible exposure. As I said above, our negative test at 17 weeks and the zero risk associated with the exposure you describe are 100% proof you did not catch HIV.
You don't saye what you mean by "ulcers" in your wife and child. No STD can be passed to a child except by sexual abuse. Skin ulcers do not suggest HIV. If you mean your wife has a genital ulcer, you and she both need to be checked for herpes.
You're right about the semi-hijack of your thread jump. I almost deleted much of it, but at the start it seemed relevant to your circumstance, and then you contributed to it yourself.
HHH, MD
You don't saye what you mean by "ulcers" in your wife and child. No STD can be passed to a child except by sexual abuse. Skin ulcers do not suggest HIV. If you mean your wife has a genital ulcer, you and she both need to be checked for herpes.
You're right about the semi-hijack of your thread jump. I almost deleted much of it, but at the start it seemed relevant to your circumstance, and then you contributed to it yourself.
HHH, MD
Hey Doc, not sure how this turned into some kind of a moral debate? One last question you say there is no need for a six month test after a 4 month test? The reason why I am asking my wife and my child both have an ulcer that they seem to have gotten from me. i do not know if this is related or just a common thing?Thanks for everything in advance , again.
i think that you are very strong especially being pregnant to make the decision to ask him to leave. my opinion..you did the right thing. many, many woman (men too!)decide to try to forgive and stay in the marriage and i am not sure the thoughts of it all ever goes away? especially when you have sex. memories of her pregnancy are tainted (happened while she was 6 mo pregnant).
she still is wondering after 2yrs if he is faithful. once the dust settled, things seemed to be okay for a while. the pattern seems to continue because my friend is now thinking he is up to no good again.
i think its the same idea when some post scared to death after a sexual incident (like a massage parlor, prostitute..)that they caught something. once they discover the test results are negative and the coast is clear, they have done it again!
i am personally inviting you over to the womans forum. you can post what you are going through over there and we can address your situation. please do ok?
PS: for those of you who feel it's better not to tell the wife. i disagree. let her be the one to decide if it's going to devestate her/not (not you, a friend, a therapist). of course it will devastate but we have amazing ways to get through it and its not fair to deny us the right to make that decision to stay or go. its not fair to go through daily life believing our husband has been faithful and looking like an a$$ not knowing. if you can look her in the eyes after what happened and not feel any guilt, more power to ya.
OOPS....was i lecturing?? rox...see you in the womans forum
she still is wondering after 2yrs if he is faithful. once the dust settled, things seemed to be okay for a while. the pattern seems to continue because my friend is now thinking he is up to no good again.
i think its the same idea when some post scared to death after a sexual incident (like a massage parlor, prostitute..)that they caught something. once they discover the test results are negative and the coast is clear, they have done it again!
i am personally inviting you over to the womans forum. you can post what you are going through over there and we can address your situation. please do ok?
PS: for those of you who feel it's better not to tell the wife. i disagree. let her be the one to decide if it's going to devestate her/not (not you, a friend, a therapist). of course it will devastate but we have amazing ways to get through it and its not fair to deny us the right to make that decision to stay or go. its not fair to go through daily life believing our husband has been faithful and looking like an a$$ not knowing. if you can look her in the eyes after what happened and not feel any guilt, more power to ya.
OOPS....was i lecturing?? rox...see you in the womans forum
thank you see you there
I understand what this forum is for,and I am greatful to the ones who have posted to me. Ever since he sent me to this site I keep reading everyones story and I cant believe how many with the same story. Im glad this site is here for all of you and I am not going to smash all of you,thats not why i am here.
I think i was looking for insight i suppose. How do I trust my husband after this? Was this the first time? doubtful. Is the old adage true? once a cheat always a cheat? Is not telling the spouse the answer? or does it give them freedom to do it again because they werent found out?
I know my husband is remorseful now and yes it was a mistake but he did not worry about that at all before . and what brought him to that the first time is what will take him to the future times also. I can forgive people for things they have done.but trust is difficult once shattered. i dont want to torture him for his mistake for the rest of his life and I dont want him to spend the rest of his life making up for it to me. I dont think I can trust him even 10 % of the man I trusted before.
I told him to leave last night,i guess time will tell.Thank you and good luck everyone
I think i was looking for insight i suppose. How do I trust my husband after this? Was this the first time? doubtful. Is the old adage true? once a cheat always a cheat? Is not telling the spouse the answer? or does it give them freedom to do it again because they werent found out?
I know my husband is remorseful now and yes it was a mistake but he did not worry about that at all before . and what brought him to that the first time is what will take him to the future times also. I can forgive people for things they have done.but trust is difficult once shattered. i dont want to torture him for his mistake for the rest of his life and I dont want him to spend the rest of his life making up for it to me. I dont think I can trust him even 10 % of the man I trusted before.
I told him to leave last night,i guess time will tell.Thank you and good luck everyone
just a quick point , I do not know why no one feels remorseful during the act but after. would it be better to feel no remorse at all even after the fact? Which I am sure many people do not. In my situation I went to talk with a counselor and she advised me against telling my wife. on the grounds of whether or not it was for her benefit or mine. Knowing my wife it would have destroyed her , so maybe not knowing is better? Either way everyone makes mistakes , some bigger than others. I think as long as you learn from them and do not make them again you in some way have learned a valuble lesson. Just my opinion.
this orginal posting is not MY husbands. Sorry to lead anyone to that assumption.
Hey Doc, thanks for everything. Just curious is there ever a need in U.s. to test for hiv2? I believe I heard somewhere their were less than 100 cases in U.S? Is there ever a need for testing beyond 3 months? Why do some say you need to retest at 6months? On the hepb test I am not sure what test was done , but I am assuming from your comment it cannot be transmitted orally? Thanks again.Sorry for the follow up, just with my wife being preganant I just need to be 110% sure.Thanks again for all you do.
i understand what you are saying about no one defending the partners of the people who cheat. i typically wonder why the people who post are totally regretful after the deed has been done? why do they not feel the guilt DURING the encounter? why do they wait until they are satisfied sexually to start worrying about whether/not they have an std or hiv? hormones overide i guess.
however, if people started lecturing,commenting and judging the posters about being married and doing these things,it would get out of hand. that is not what this forum is for. they ask a question and its addressed professionally. end of story.
i feel for your situation, i do. i am sure it will turn out okay for you and you need to decide if you can forgive him. i have a friend who was in the same situation. she is still married (tried to forgive) and this happened about 2 years ago. she is still talking about it to me because she cannot let it go. she still worries, wonders and cannot move on. i hope you find peace.
however, if people started lecturing,commenting and judging the posters about being married and doing these things,it would get out of hand. that is not what this forum is for. they ask a question and its addressed professionally. end of story.
i feel for your situation, i do. i am sure it will turn out okay for you and you need to decide if you can forgive him. i have a friend who was in the same situation. she is still married (tried to forgive) and this happened about 2 years ago. she is still talking about it to me because she cannot let it go. she still worries, wonders and cannot move on. i hope you find peace.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
no-idea: My understanding is that about half the HIV tests done in the US currently include HIV-2 as well as HIV-1, so you might have been tested for it. You are right about the extreme rarity of HIV-2 in the US, but I cannot confirm the most recently reported numbers. To my knowledge, all such cases to date were acquired in other countries but diagnosed here; it is believed that there is not yet any ongoing transmission of HIV-2 in this country. HBV is transmitted by oral contact rarely, if ever.
rox45, oceans3: Oceans3 is correct; it would not serve any purpose on this forum to start making moral judgments. In fact, I delete any comments that make personal attacks based on sexual morality. With one broad exception: I have repeatedly said that it is unethical for any HIV infected person to have sex with someone informing that person before sex takes place. It also follows that people who are sexually active have an ethical obligation to know their HIV status, so they can share it. But I always try to make those points as generalizations, without personal criticism of individual forum participants.
HHH, MD
rox45, oceans3: Oceans3 is correct; it would not serve any purpose on this forum to start making moral judgments. In fact, I delete any comments that make personal attacks based on sexual morality. With one broad exception: I have repeatedly said that it is unethical for any HIV infected person to have sex with someone informing that person before sex takes place. It also follows that people who are sexually active have an ethical obligation to know their HIV status, so they can share it. But I always try to make those points as generalizations, without personal criticism of individual forum participants.
HHH, MD
If what your husband has posted above is correct, then you are indeed going to be fine.
I can't speak for whether or not you should or shouldn't dissolve your marriage over this, but if he took the time to tell you, it was certainly borne out of caring for you. That may not fix anything, but being honest about misdeeds is certainly a step at re-establishing trust if you wish to keep your relationship together.
As for your physical health - you are fine. I repeat - do not worry at all.
I can't speak for whether or not you should or shouldn't dissolve your marriage over this, but if he took the time to tell you, it was certainly borne out of caring for you. That may not fix anything, but being honest about misdeeds is certainly a step at re-establishing trust if you wish to keep your relationship together.
As for your physical health - you are fine. I repeat - do not worry at all.
My husband has just shown me this website,and all of his postings. Thats how I found out he cheated and has been tested a few times. I am 6 months pregnant now I need to be tested because of him. I have been reading his posts many times and others. And I understand this is a website to help but all of the postings I dont see anyone defending the cheated on partner. My husband keeps saying it will be ok roxy and trys to focus on the baby. I am so scared. I have now lost my husband,my family and now me and my unborn 2nd child are now scared. I am now alone reading this site all day. Im supposed to just accept what he has done and move on-never the words I love you will never be believed again. i cant get answers from my husband, there are so many of you here can you help me with this. i read the drs answers and it makes sense,but would like others honest opinions
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
See my comment above in the thread "Question about conclusiveness of testing so far".
HHH, MD
HHH, MD
The risk of HIV infection is greater for the partner who gives oral sex. Recent research presented at the 7th Conference on Retroviruses and Opportunistic Infections in February of 2000 concluded that 8 of 122 cases in an HIV-transmission study were possibly attributable to oral sex, which implies that although going down (giving oral sex) on a man is much lower in risk than other sexual behaviors, there's still a possibility for transmission. Of these 8 infected people, however, some reported having had recent dental work or having cuts in their mouths, meaning that HIV transmission by oral sex may be associated with cuts, lesions, or irritation of the tissues in the mouth.
For the cunnilingus (oral sex on a woman) recipient, the chance of HIV transmission is also low, although the entire vagina is a mucous membrane through which, theoretically, the virus can be transmitted. A woman receiving cunnilingus is more at risk of getting herpes or gonorrhea from her partner than HIV. A person going down on a woman should avoid it during her period, for menstrual blood can carry the HIV virus.
For the cunnilingus (oral sex on a woman) recipient, the chance of HIV transmission is also low, although the entire vagina is a mucous membrane through which, theoretically, the virus can be transmitted. A woman receiving cunnilingus is more at risk of getting herpes or gonorrhea from her partner than HIV. A person going down on a woman should avoid it during her period, for menstrual blood can carry the HIV virus.
Thanks so much doc. I wonder why it sounds so much better coming from you? Thanks for all you do , god bless.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Your exposure was essentially no risk; I would have recommended against all that testing, especially the PCR. In any case, a negative ELISA at 17 weeks is 100% proof you didn't catch HIV during that exposure. Four weeks is OK for hepatitis B, as long as it included the proper tests--but isn't an issue anyway since you could not have acquired HBV during the event you describe.
Bottom line: Relax. You're fine and your wife and unborn baby are safe.
HHH, MD
Bottom line: Relax. You're fine and your wife and unborn baby are safe.
HHH, MD
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