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Feeling angry living with HIV/ AIDS

I guess this is a question about feeling angry living with HIV/ AIDS.  

My boyfriend and I broke up 2 weeks ago. He is HIV+ and is on meds. I didnt want to break up with him as he is a great guy and I love him very much. I would go back to him ( in a second ! lol!) if we could find some ways of fixing our problems. The major problem of our relationship was his anger. He is not very good at communicating his feelings so would bottle them up and suddenly he would be furious over something and it would take him up to a week to get over it. This seemed to be a pattern, we had 3 weeks of good times and then one week of bad. And it seems like  it happened every month. He is also very upset about being positive. He says he didnt used to get angry prior to his diagnosis ( 3 years ago). I didnt know him then so I dont know what he was like before. He has said in the past during one of his angry periods that he feels toxic, is scared of infecting me and he loves me but is trying to push me away- and in the end  he did do that.
He had a couple of therapy sessions when he first got his diagnosis but then did not go anymore as he reckoned he got all the information he needed. He refuses to go to therapy now and does not discuss his status or feelings with his friends.  
I was wondering if...

1. His anger could be related to his meds (sorry I dont know the name of the ones he takes) Could it be a side effect?  It seems to happen every month. Have any of you experienced this?

2. Do you feel the same way as he does? Angry? Did you push people away?- If you did why?
I really would like to know what you feel so then it may give me some help in trying to understanding him and why he acts the way he does.
Thanks for your help.
.
6 Responses
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1402831 tn?1288001573
I'M SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR BREAK UP, HE REALLY JUST HAS A LOT OF ISSUES TO DEAL WITH YOU HAVE TO THINK POSITIVE MAYBE ONE DAY HE WILL GET THE COUNSELING AND TREATMENT HE NEEDS AND HE PROBABLY DOESNT WANT TO PUT HIS PROBLEMS ON YOU TO BARE SO DONT BE MAD AT HIM JUST LOVE HIM FROM A DISTANCE AND WHEN AND IF HE CALLS JUST BE HIS FRIEND BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT HE NEEDS THE MOST RIGHT NOW. BUT YOU ALSO NEED TO BE HAPPY SO MOVE ON FIND THAT TRUE LOVE YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. HE JUST ISNT READY TO DO THAT FOR YOU RIGHT NOW. IT TOOK ME A LONG LONG TIME TO GET OVER MY ANGER. LIKE 5 YEARS SO GIVE HIM TIME HE WILL EVENTUALLY COME AROUND AND SEE THAT MAYBE YOU WERE THE ONE FOR HIM IF THAT HAPPENS IF YOUR AVAILABLE THEN GO FROM THERE BUT IF NOT THEN JUST BE HIS FRIEND. AGAIN IM SO SORRY I KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO LOSE SOMEONE YOU LOVE SOOOO MUCH. BUT YOU WILL GET THRU IT I PROMISE.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi ! Thank you- you are helping!. Unfortunately we broke up yesterday. And I dont see us getting back together.  Although when we got back together he said he loves me and wants to marry me but again he  went back to being his usual distant self, not affectionate and withdawn. He became frustrated at me cause I kept asking for him to talk  to me but he would not. It seemed like he had emotionally " checked out' of the relationship. He would not show affection, barely talked and started wearing underwear to bed (when we had always slept naked). It felt there were miles and miles of distance between us -even we were sleeping in the same bed. So I told him that I cant go on like this, and he said we should break up. He said he loves me but cant see us together anymore. So I dont know where to from now- just have to move on I guess. I care so much about him, and would be with him if I could but it seems like it wont be able to happen. Thank you again x
Helpful - 0
1402831 tn?1288001573
YES I DID GET BACK WITH MY HUSBAND AND WE FIXED THINGS IT REALLY JUST TAKES TIME AND HE DEFINITELY COULD USE THE COUNSELING I DID AND THAT IS WHAT HELPED ME GET THRU IT AND OVER THE ANGER. HE WILL EVENTUALLY GET OVER THE ANGER IT JUST TAKES TIME AND IF YOU THINK YOU CANT HANDLE HIS ISSUES UNTIL HE IS ABLE TO COPE THEN I WOULD END THE RELATIONSHIP BUT BE THERE AS A FRIEND BECAUSE HE DOES NEED THE SUPPORT. BUT IF YOU THINK YOU CAN TOUGH IT OUT I DONT KNOW HIM BUT IM SURE IT WOULD BE WORTH IT IN THE LONG RUN IT WAS FOR ME. I HAVE MY FAMILY BACK AND MY HUSBAND AND I COULDNT BE HAPPIER. HE IS ALOT LIKE MY SON BUT MY SON IS NOT DEALING WITH HIV BUT MY SON DOES THE SAME THING HE JUST LETS THINGS BUILD UP AND UP UNTIL HE EXPLODES AND I FEEL ALOT OF THAT IS HEREDITARY FROM THE PARENTS BECAUSE MY SON IS ALOT LIKE HIS DAD. WELL I DONT KNOW IF I WAS MUCH HELP BUT I HOPE I WAS. COUNSELING IS  VERY IMPORTANT FOR HIM RIGHT NOW. HAVE A GREAT DAY.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi. Thank you- you helped! I am sort of back with him now- its not going well   and we may still break up again, I love him and he says he loves me - but cant seem to get over our issues. He does feel abandoned- he was adopted, is not close to his adoptive parents who although they are kind to him they seem to shower his sister with affection, and he has HIV so   he is dealing with a lot of stuff. He seems to withdraw emotionally from me- gives little affection, and gets angry when I try to discuss relationship stuff- he says I over analyse things and this frustrates him. But It leaves me feeling I cant discuss anythinh with him, and then because he does not communicate, things build up and up  inside him until he finally explodes and then its like world war 3! So, although he says he loves me, I am not sure- cause he does not always act like it cause he is so withdrawn and doesnt talk about his feelings or problems or anything. Any more advice you can give would be great. Do you still feel sad? Did you get back with your partner after you pushed them away? How are you coping now?
Helpful - 0
1402831 tn?1288001573
I HAVE BEEN LIVING WITH THIS ILLNESS FOR 13 YEARS NOW AND I HAVE TO SAY YES IN THE BEGINNING I WAS VERY ANGRY AND STAYED ANGRY FOR A VERY LONG TIME THE ONLY WAY I GOT OVER BEING ANGRY WAS THROUGH THERAPY AND COUNSELING SESSIONS. YES HE IS TRYING TO PUSH YOU AWAY IN FEAR OF INFECTING YOU I DID THE SAME THING TO THE PERSON I WAS WITH. SO THAT IS VERY COMMON HE IS STILL VERY NEW TO THIS DISEASE SO HE HAS A LOT TO LEARN I WOULD SUGGEST FOR YOU IS TO BE THERE FOR HIM THAT IS WHAT HE NEEDS THE MOST RIGHT NOW IS YOUR SUPPORT AND KNOWING THAT YOU LOVE HIM BECAUSE I FELT PUSHED AWAY SAD AND THAT NO ONE CARED OR LOVED ME WHEN I FIRST FOUND OUT AND THAT IS WHY I PUSHED PEOPLE I LOVED OUT OF MY LIFE. I TAKE ATRIPLA AND IT DOESN'T HAVE THOSE KIND OF SIDE EFFECTS NOW I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE IS TAKING BUT SOME MEDS CAN CHANGE YOUR MOODS. BUT MY OPINION IS HE IS STILL VERY ANGRY ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING MAYBE THINKING BECAUSE I DID HE SHOULD'VE BEEN MORE CAREFUL HOW COULD HE LET THIS HAPPEN TO HIMSELF. WHY DID IT HAPPEN TO HIM AND THINGS OF THAT NATURE. I HOPE I WAS HELPFUL IN SOME SORT OF WAY.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
1. Meds don't make you angry.

He may have issues with accepting his status.
Helpful - 0
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