Update on whats going on with Me

[TremaX]

Ok...so its been about a month since I found out that Im HIV+. I like to think I've improved on how I feel...but still there are times when Im depressed. It feels like a roller coaster...days im feelings so good about myself and life...then theres days that all I think about is HIV. Today I woke up so hurt...in pain...helpless...(emotionally) I didnt know what to do!...my hearts racing while Im getting ready for work. Waiting for the bus didnt help any cause its winter time now, so all I can think about is my body dying on the inside casue of the virus. I started work and was feeling better...talking to my co workers....laughing...smiling...its wat I needed, but as we all know good things come to an end...out of nowhere...it hits me again that Im HIV+....I feel so helpless...I dont know wat to do...im new to all this medical stuff....I havent been to the doctors since a lil child...I just want to feel ok....not be down all the time....Im trying my hardest to keep myself positive...I keep thinking I can handle this on my own...but obviously I cant...I know i need help...but when i try to find it I end up disappointed cause its not what I expected...sigh....

[dave1973]

Bro, you are doing the right thing! Remember, you are not any different from anyone else except that you have a chronic disease. You are lucky that you found it out this early. I'm not giving false hope or anything, but you know scientist are working on this HIV thing so diligently and I'm sure they will find a cure soon. (check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLf-DC4HV6o) And look at Magic Johnson, Teak and many other people, I'm sure a positive attitude like yours would help you tremendously! Keep yourself busy, doing exercise to help boost your immune system! Wish you the best!

[dave1973]

BTW, more information can be found by google "Dr. Sudhir Paul HIV".

Here is one part I found very encouraging:

"SKINNER: And real quickly, Dr. Paul, when will this be tried on human beings and how quickly could we actually get this? I mean, this could have obviously huge implications worldwide.

DR. PAUL: The goal is to make a preventative vaccine so we have made a synthetic form of this weak spot of the virus. And in animal tests, we are able to induce the production of productive catalytic antibodies or enzymes, and the NIH says that the earliest that we will have a vaccine is about 15 to 20 years. I am more optimistic and I would say five to 10 years and with clinical trials to hopefully start within the next six to nine months."

[bluekryptonite]

I stubbled upon this site for other issues and this forum because I know I need to be HIV tested. I am one of those people who would put my truck in the shop and try to keep everything up except looking @ my sexual health that way. I go to the doctor on the regular, but you just never know. I listen to you and I don't know what to say that would make you feel better, man other than I am glad you have someone to stand by you and that you are taking care of business. I was @ a benefit last weekend for a young lady with cancer...she was a dancer but she was smiling even tho what she has is fatal...the benefit was for her outrageous doctor bills. I had a good time and she was happy, but I couldn't help but think after the lights  and blues band played I wonder how she was? I went there to support and have a good night with her, but I was able to leave she is still coping, you feel me?! I wish the best for you and yours all year long, bro. Real talk.

[ayanna1222]

Greetings from NC.  I am not HIV positive that I am aware of so I dont even feel like I have the right to comment on your post but I felt compelled after reading your comments. You have revealed very private information so I should do the same.  I have been tested positive for HSV 2 in which I contracted from my husband at 20yrs old.  I know it is not the same and I am not trying to make a comparison I just felt it appropriate to share something very personal as well.  I want to first mention that you are to be commended on acting responsibly and being brave enough to get tested.  Many are not including me, so I say I do not have HIV but I could.  You are motivating to me and I feel connected to you for a couple of reasons becuase I grew up in Upper Marlboro my whole life and graduated from Frederick Douglass HS, and the other is I have a son that is not far from your age, he is 17 and I just could not imagine how he would be able to deal with a life altering change of this caliber.  I want you to know that everything will be fine.  Take time to grieve because this is heavy, but then determine how you choose to proceed with your life and all of its more precious moments.  What can you do to improve your life?  Is there information you could or would be willing to share with other youths so that you can make a difference by speaking out and preventing someone else from contracting this disease.  Do you have a church home or a support system? Sometimes we have to take our negatives, no matter how bad, and find away to turn them into something positive otherwise you will never see all that you have to offer, and instead will feel depressed and miserable all of the time.  There is a site called positivesingles and it is a dating web side and also has useful blogs with people your age in the same situation.  It might be beneficial to reach out if and when you feel up to it.  Also, if you ever want to get away, you are always welcome to come visit NC, it is a great place to de-stress!  Just let me know!  I am not a serial killer or a phsyco I just want you to know that you have support! I will be praying for you. If you would like to connect let me know.  I wish you a blessed day!  Hang in there, ok?

P.S.  First time posting on here, I hope I am allowed to even though I am not confirmed as HIV positive.  If not, I am so sorry.

[Briboi]

Hey! I tested pos in Aug of 2008 and its been a real rollercoaster of emotions. But, I am actually starting to level out and live a 'normal' life...
My labs aren't great so I'm starting meds in a week or so. I don't have AIDS and am thankful for how far treatment has come along. Hang in there man. We have lots of living left to do! I'm 40 yrs old (and look fab-u-lous, btw). lol. Seriously, I'm thankful that I am in good health even with sucky labs. I don't have 'the sick look'. When I was 21 and started going to the bars, I met a bunch of people with HIV. So many of them are dead now. But today it is a totally different story! We can be thankful that we are living in an age where meds and treatment keep us living until we get old and die of the 'normal stuff' we are supposed to die of! lol.  Your in my prayer and thoughts.
Later!!

[cmoretti]

What you are feeling is totally normal. It is similar to grief. It will come in waves and take some time but you WILL get better! The good thing is that you are letting yourself go through this. It ***** but is VERY GOOD for your mental health in the long run! Not processing this could result in sustained depression or even substance abuse which you DO NOT WANT because that will give you a death sentence. HIV and Drugs don't mix.

I tested pos in '86 (at 16), got really sick and just before I was given less than 6 months to live in '96, they came out with the drugs that are saving lives and they definitely saved mine. Today I have a normal Tcell count, normal immune system, Undetectable viral load and am working on having a baby! I know that this is a shock to your mental health, self esteem, life, etc. but if you can get support, get educated, and take care of yourself you can have a (mostly) normal life. For the last 10 years HiV has effected my life in the following ways: I take my meds morning and night...no biggie, Get labs done and see my doc every three months. and eat oatmeal for breakfast every day to quell loose stools (TMI sorry) but that's it! The rest is just life. I eat healthy and just enjoy life and so can you. I found the love of my life 3 years ago (he is -) and of course we use condoms...oops , one more thing that effects my life but it's not really THAT big of a deal. Not my preference but at least I can still have sex! LOL!

Just take care of yourself, get good medical care, and when they start you on meds make sure to take them EXACTLY every 12 hours (twice a day) 24 hours(once a day) 8 hours,(three times a day) If you take them at exactly the same time and don't miss any. This is the most important part of taking meds. I have done it this way because when I started my life depended on it and today I have no drug resistance and the medication options for me are huge. Because of this, I know I will live to a ripe old age. People are still dying from this disease but that is either because they don't know they have it or are resistant to several medications and their treatment options are limited.

Oh, and although I understand peoples curiosity, i wouldn't tell anyone how you got it. It doesn't matter! Some people are just curious  and others want to add you to their database in their head that says "I only know people who are gay that got it" or "Must be an IV drug user" some people will use that to discriminate and make it OK if yo got it this way or that way but unacceptable if you got it that way. It shouldn't matter! HIV is a disease and needs to be recognized as such. To me it feels like a form of racism except because you don't wear it on the outside they have to ask you before they decide if they are going to be racist about you or not. Sad but that is what I have seen over the years. Keep your head up and know that things will get better and life will be OK!

[ankoo]

Well first of all dude , you are not alone we are with you and GOD is with us all... Being positive is the hardest and only solution of the problem,sometimes even if we don't have much problem and we still think it is and keep thinking about it for a ling time  it will definitely become a big problem... So don't think about it much many people die because of road accidents, wrong medication,plane crash , train crash, bomb explosion everyday... So truly speeking we don't even know who's gonna live for how much time.... just live life to the fullest, take complete experience of every single moment you have got and leave the rest to GOD...