What is the best way to tell wife about HIV +

newly diagnosed HIV positive. What is the best way to tell your wife about your status and also a possibility that she is also infected with HIV? Who can help me explain to her what is HIV?  Will my doctor able to do this? Will they help me explain to her the technicality of HIV.

[WowAmIConfused]

I guess the simple answer to that, is that there is no good way to tell someone. It's going to bring up a lot of questions for your wife, infidelity, IV drug use, homosexual activity, just to name a few. In my opinion, taking her to the Dr's with you could help with "the technicality of HIV", but it will be up to you to do the rest.

Have you had any testing done yet? Do you know how your health is in relation to HIV?

I want to wish you luck in this journey, and pray that your wife is not infected. Good luck to you both, and keep us posted.

~Sue

[veryworried212]

My next test is on my 3 month mark. My wife found out about the HIV testing because she saw my computer on a lot of HIV topic. I hope somebody can help us on how to cope with this HIV positive possibility just calm our nerves down. I do not know how is she going to react to it, I hope she can find inner strength on her faith unlike me I'm about ready to give up, It sometimes cross my mind of killing my self.    

[WowAmIConfused]

I'm sorry you were not able to tell your wife yourself, that would probably have been better for both of you.

I want you to know that there's hope! I was diagnosed HIV positive in October of 1989. At that point, I really didn't know what it was. I thought it was a death sentence, and so did most of the Dr's. I was sure I wouldn't live past 30.

We've come a long way since then! With the new medications, it is no longer a death sentence, but a manageable disease, like diabetes. Of course you have to educate yourself, so you can take part in your medical decisions as well as knowing the risks to others (not nearly as many as some think).

Make sure your wife gets tested, earlier diagnoses, earlier treatment = more success. Just know that there are many good treatment options out there, find a good Dr, and TRY to keep your spirits up. I know that it's hard.
~Sue

[WowAmIConfused]

I have a quick question, I was under the assumption that I was speaking to a man (one should never make assumptions) but your profile says female. Are you in a lesbian marriage? The only reason I ask, is that some of my advice might differ.

[veryworried212]

I'm a male that is a mistake.

[veryworried212]

i'm already 47 and my wife is already 44. I do not know how HIV will react on older people. I'm also diabetic for 18 years. I would like to contact people in my area about counseling is that what I supposed to do, or should I let my doctor talk to my wife to explain HIV and how it would affect our lives, would a doctor do this?

[WowAmIConfused]

Okay, thank you for the clarity. Did you read the previous post? I know it's not much consolation. Please let me know how your wife's test comes back, and how your first blood work comes back.
Bless You
~Sue

[WowAmIConfused]

I don't know much about HIV infection and diabetes, but I'm sure your Dr will tell you what you need to know. A support group is not a bad idea, along with whatever council you can receive from your Dr. My Doctor, I had a wonderful one at the time, took plenty of time to discuss this with my boyfriend and I. I'm sure it depends on the Dr.

[veryworried212]

I hope my doctor will take the time to explain it to us. Thanks. for your time

[WowAmIConfused]

No problem, Worried.
Please keep us updated!

[veryworried212]

My wife and i talked about it, she is very anxious and afraid. I was crying for her because  I can not ease up the feelings that she is having. I felt very guilty and i'm very worried, I do not know what to do to calm her down.
She is very upset about the infidelity and also the exposure that i might brought to her.

[WowAmIConfused]

I am sure she is, Worried. Find a support group or both of you talk with your Dr as soon as you can. Also, she needs to get tested as soon as possible!  If it's negative it will ease her mind and she won't be so anxious or afraid. This is a very hard time for both of you, but as I said, treatment has come very far!

As for the infidelity, that is something you will have to deal with together.