Crumbling

Hi Everyone,

Well the last 2 years have been some of the roughest of my life, I completed a Masters Degree in Mechanical Engineering and pointed a loaded gun in my mouth all in the last 24 months.  I am soooooo fearful of getting HIV that it consumes me, I spend hours on thebody, medhelp, and cdc.  I've had a few extremely low exposures (kissing, sniffing a girls' underwear, and MAY have touched someone else's blood recently).  I get tested and spend my hard earned money on tests that I know, deep down, will be negative only to get freaked out by something else a few days later.  I can't enjoy things anymore, I have become very irritable and impatient with people I love.  I think it's because I have a fear of death because I don't know if there is an afterlife or not.  What should I do?  It's absolute agony going over simulations in my head 24/7, I feel that the only way to get a girlfriend is to chain her up in my basement for 3 months and then test her for HIV, but that may mildly freak her out.  I really can't help myself, I read the vague responses by people and doctors such as "well the risk is though to be lower" and "most people might not" and it drives me bonkers!!!  Any comments are much appreciated

R

[Apollo1971]

Rob to have got a masters in that, shows you have inteligence and also a logical mind. So do you think you thoughts are logical or certainly called for?

I could go on i great detail, but you know you had no risk of HIV, you know your wasting your time and you life on these websites.

The only way to break free from this mind set is to get professional help from a psychiatrist. Your past the poiny of forum help tbh. Many have been in your shoes, they got help and got over it. So their is a solution for you and its one YOU can solve but ONLY YOU can take these steps buddy.

So please, for your sake, get the help you need. Best of luck

[i81u812]

Rob I know exatly how you feel. I too have been living in pure hell. I had a very low or some say no risk exposure 13 months ago. I have tested 13 times out to 13 months all neg. ellisa, dna pcr, and mostly rapid tests. I also have been seeing a therapst. I keep getting all kinds of weird symptoms happening to me. No sooner get over one thing i get something else. Some of the most freaky symptoms I have all started after 2 or 3 months after the exposure. Things like itchy crawly skin on my lower back. folicultus on my back and upper arms, hypopigmentation on my face, numbness and tingling hands and feet. While I was on antibiotics for the crap going on with my back I developed a swollen painfull upper eyelid so was put on more antibiotics. Its been a whole year and everytime i get over one issue it seems i get another so the anxioty continues and the feer that yet another test will change. Hang in there and try and work out the irrational beleifs as I am also trying to do. Good luck

[waxxyx]

Hi Rob
I think the first thing to do would be to come off the internet, The more you read, the more you're fuelling your anxiety and you're not giving yourself a break from thinking about it..
I've suffered from this type of anxiety and I know that it doesn't matter if someone tells you there's no risk because you will just convince yourself there is and think about endless 'what ifs'. Mate get off the internet first and also talk to someone, family, friends or a professional. Just know that your not in this alone, so many people are dealing with this, but you have to take the first steps. All the best mate God bless :)