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Fear of HIV

Dear Joggen,

I really appreciate the things you do for people like us who have irrational/maybe rational fears. As for me I think I can safely be diagnosed as having OCD now. I'm freaking out about an incident that everyone in HIV prevention community (including you) said no risk. I decided to go and get tested just to make sure. The window period will be up in couple of weeks. For now I keep going over and over the risky contacts that I had,like kissing etc because I never had an unprotected sex and this is driving me crazy. I live in a very small community where being HIV positive puts an end to a person's normal life.  So far I can only think of 3 occasions of "dangerous" situation.

1. A guy deep kissed me in a club. He said he was a student from Brazil but who knows he didn't have any accent or something. It didn't last long 30-40 sec max. I didn't notice blood or tasted it, but it was sort of dark so I could have easily missed it.
2. Also I kissed a french guy. He works in a ophthalmologist's office. He seemed clean. We shared drinks (alcohol cocktails) from mouth to mouth (from mine to his) because I didn't want his saliva  in my mouth, but it turned into kisses nonetheless. It lasted quite a while 5 minutes maybe?
3. Third is the incident I described in my previous post (You can find it i u go to my page,I'm sure),but he wasn't just random guy. We dated for half a month before that thing occurred and he claims he is clean as he was tested when he received a nasal surgery 6 months ago and never had risk since then. He even got angry when I kept on pushing.

So please I'm just freaking out for no reason right? These past 2 and a half months have been hell. I'm living with my nieces (,11 year, 2 year and 8 month old) for the summer. I'm scared of  touching them even though I really love them. I feel contaminated. I feel distant from everybody. I'm worried for my boyfriend who totally believes me (we're using condoms). Most of all I can't talk to anyone because HIV is a stigma around here.

I would really appreciate kind words from everyone who is, have been, and will never be in this situation.
5 Responses
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Avatar universal
Congratulations totallyworried622 on your negative result.

May God's love continue to shine on you.

reallyregret
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Avatar universal
Dear All,

Had test today. A rapid anti-body test from blood at 89 days. IT IS NEGATIVE. Thank you all for your support.  

Good luck and stay safe :)
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Have a single antibody test at 3 months, collect your negative result, and move on with your life.

No more comments please. Feel free to post your negative result- otherwise additional comments will be deleted without reply.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
hi, thanks for kind words.

I myself too thought I was doing safe activity, but then boom a person  that I know gets HIV. Now I know that he has been pushing the envelope for a while, but it makes you start thinking over those situations and the more you think about them the more you think about those stupid "what if"s. and it gets more and more scary, right?

I don't think I can work up the courage to go there twice. So I will just try to endure these 2 weeks and go there when the window period is up.

As for your situation can you get a DNA/PCR test. I read that it can be conclusive at 28 days and you are way over that mark. Also I read that ARS symptoms generally continue 1-2 weeks and they all start at the same time. Also I didn't see anything about fever in you post which is number one main symptom, at least I read so. And please try to stay off the internet. It will only give you anxiety, nothing more. I really don't think you had an exposure, as they say with condom it is a safe sex and if the head of your penis was in the condom, then you have nothing to worry about. Also did you read the post in the beginning of this forum. Try reading them They really help.

You are right, let's pray for each other and stay safe
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hmmm,

Well, i don't think i am at all qualified to give any good advice to you simply because i am going through a very bad time of my life too. I am feeling painless and hard lymph nodes all over my body now. (armpits, inner elbow, groin, and too many to count lymph nodes in my throat, which are diagnosed by a doctor / physician).

Maybe you can refer to this thread of mine, if you want to, if you are interested in the anxiety i am facing as well:
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV-Anxiety-Support/Please-help-and-give-me-your-opinion--please/show/1289192


But well, if it offers any solace at all, I shall attempt at my 2-cents-worth of my personal thoughts.

Firstly, he came onto your chest, and not onto your eye or nose, which is good thing, as HIV can't be transmitted past your normal skin.

Next, you mentioned that the lymph nodes in your armpits swell regularly when your periods come, so now that you mentioned you are having your periods, the armpit / axilliary lymph node swelling sounds like a "normal" event.

While I can't say, as an outsider, and a non-expert, that you don't have HIV for sure, it seems like your chances are far far better than mine, and some of us here. Simply from the details of your encounter, and your seemlingly lack-of-any-symptoms seem very comforting.

Furthermore, it's been 2 and half months anyway, as you have mentioned, why not just get a rapid test now to "feel good", and then one more at the exact 3 month mark, as advised by most experts in this forum, to confirm (or rather, to dis-confirm) your fears?


All the best, and may God bless you. Lets pray for each other, alright?


reallyregret
Helpful - 0
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