Sorry, meant to post here, so nervous-
Joggen, Vance, Teak, Lizzie:
I'm freaking out. Three weeks post exposure described above - had cold/sick symptoms, light fever with sweats, sinusitis and laryngitis, all perfect ars timing, and followed by this buring urination on the tip and slight clear discharge. Have had UTI in past and was wearing lots of used tight underwear due to location, situation. Thought it was that at the time.
Problems are: my exposure had lots of intense unprotected oral from CSW 20 mins, high risk low income girl in South America, had protected vaginal 20 mins with dry and thin brand condom, but she was wet so didn't feel any issues at time, condom slipped half way, head still covered and re-adjusted it, used saliva inside condom but dryness caused chaffing on shaft close to head- noticed small scab later that night. Did not notice any condom breakage on removal. Also had vigerous masturbation w vaginal fluid after removal.
Four months post my exposure, girlfriend also had bad flu/fever/cold. Was honest w her at time of exposure and we had continued sex unprotected, both aware of the issue. We had worked it out. We both took antibiotics at the time and forgot about it due to "no risk" that we assumed. We are adventurous and no strangers to this, thought we were clear.
Now my mind is killing me after she got sick with bad flu, high fever for days, sinusitis and phlemmy cough, cleared w antibiotics but lingered.
I've become terrified she got something from me, since we never got tested.
Teak says no risk, but this instance and symptoms seem too precise.
Paranoid about condom holes and leakage I might not have noticed due to the dry thin latex used (trojan brand), I think the lube had leaked out of the packaging which is also a bit thin. Also had vigerous masturbation w vaginal fluid after removal, possibly rubbed fluid into abrasion.
How could I have gotten the burn and all these symptoms with perfect ARS timing, I used protection! Just the oral risk? Timing of all this has me freaked beyond belief, in a constant panic. I remember being so careful during that exposure.
Totally freaked, obsessed, guilty, life on pause. Already in therapy, was also told very small or no risk, but I'm convinced I have got it. Freaking her out now too.
Spoke to csw a few times, she "guarantees" she's ok, and claims she donated blood but lost confirmation papers.
Panicing, anxiety off the charts, going for big test, any advice, hard truths or engouragement welcome.
HIV doesn't produce upper respiratory/cold symptoms. Condoms don't fail without it being noticeable. Most CSWs don't even have HIV. Saliva is not infectious re:HIV. Work on your guilt, but forget about HIV.
Oral sex (receiving) can produce STD symptoms like burning- see a doctor if you think you have an STD, but AGAIN forget about HIV.
Joggen, thanks so much for the fast update. Your thoughts go a long way towards calming my mind.
That's what I keep telling my rational self - that it's not so easy to expose oneself while wearing protection during intercourse. But emotions keep reason at bay, and all sorts of what if scenarios keep sneaking in: what if I didn't notice a condom tear, or that abrasion, or possible HSV/HPV I could very well have and be asymptomatic, co-infection w std increasing my risk is killing me, etc.
Shortly before each of us developed the colds, we felt a weird fatigue and malaise for a couple days which went away. She had some diahrrea and scratchy throat. I remember feeling tired and strange myself. Those subtle symptoms are always mentioned on other sites. Then, within a day or two later fell ill with cold symptoms. I had light fever and night sweats. She had a high fever for days and sweats, but neither of us had swollen nodes or rash.
The timing of each was like a horrible joke. But colds don't indicate ars, I realize. Thought I never needed testing, even my Dr friend at the time was not concerned. Stress and panic comes and goes now, and like a dumb*** I keep calling the csw who tries to reassure me but I imagine she's lying to me or doesn't know.
It helps a lot to read how many have experienced ars-like symptoms with perfect timing (even a quite a few posters' partners), only to be nothing. Granted we were/are very stressed then and now, so I guess that contributed to everything.
Mind is still racing, playing tricks. In therapy now to deal w guilt and will be tested for peace of mind. All this is crazy and hoping and praying it's a life lesson. Huge emotions for everyone else out there going through the same. Thank god for all the wonderful moderators here, all the great posters sharing experiences, and for this forum - it's a link to sanity.
Panic again big time anxiety. Very afraid of the condom slippage w abrasion, and burning unrination says I got something, 3 week ars sinus infection and laryngitis, low fever, and my girlfriends flu a few months later.
Timing of all this is really freaking me out. Called csw yesterday and she was upset at my questions. Not sure how to get through this testing time. I know it's supposed to be low risk etc, but something feels off I'm very scared at the moment. Feeling like lymphs are sore for no reason, funny dry feeling on back of tounge. I'm five months post exposure now. Really freaking out. This anxiety is severe and hard to function sometimes.
Any suggestions, advice regarding the details of my situation? Would be very helpful to read any new assesments or comments. Thanks again.
Joggen, 1-done, 2-done.
We both tested negative, rapid oral test, five months post exposure. The past few month have been a rollercoaster of emotion and intense stress. To all worried out there: just stop googling and get tested. If teak and other moderators say no risk, stop doing the what-ifs - they don't exist, its all in your head. The mind is a powerful crazy thing, it can make you experience any and all symptoms... If in doubt, get a test to ease the pressure, you'll just be relieved.
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