So hard to stop the OCD

I have been told by reading the forums and even positing my own question to Teak that my gay oral sex encounter with no ejaculation and healthy mouth is not a risk for transmission. I even talked to a sexual health nurse who agree my issue is not HIV but anxiety.....  I am a logical person, why can't I believe the facts and move on .... This also happened to me when I had a frottage incident and then a fingering incident .....  I know that the reality is that if I have unprotected anal sex that is my only concern for HIV, correct?   How come I need to be told this twice?   I do go to the gym, eat well, socialize but still all this keeps emerging and I then obsess ......  I am educated on HIV transmission as I have been looking into it constantly ......  so why the lack of rational thought?   Guilt perhaps?  I am not out either, so would that play a part perhaps?

[jjpatrick135]

I think the same way as you but I'm hetero.  I had a frottage and oral both ways with someone and have been told its no risk for HIV.  I also have a gf now ex deservedly so that tested negative yet I'm still worried.  I think it's just the what ifs that are lingering in our minds and the guilt we feel for being careless that Is causing this anxiety. I am seeing a psychiatrist maybe it would help you too.

[tad780]

Hi there, so your expereince of frotagge and oral was hetero or gay? If it is ok for me to ask?   I did not think at the age of 38 things would be like this over sexual activities... Up until two years ago I was much more rational thinking over sex but trust was compromised and I totally felt that breach has created by anxiety. I agree with you about the guilt over being careless whcich has brought on the what ifs and thus anxiety.   Like really, how many times can one be told that oral sex was not a risk before it sinks in?  Also, I did go through this with frotagge and now it is not even something I question about not being safe...IT IS!  But I get how you are feeling over that Bud!!!!    I do see a psychologist !!!     I am actually finding solitude in this forum, I should have been here long ago!      

[jjpatrick135]

It was hetero but I did not have an erection because I was nervous about being unfaithful.  It was embarrassing and I was thinking about the what ifs like if I did have an reaction I probably then would of put myself in risk.  So I think that's where my anxiety is coming from. Plus the fact that I was so foolish. I think it's about just taking the time anD getting over it.  Don't worry the same will happen to you just keep busy and get your mind of it.  For me I am going through a tough breakup and selling our house...until we close on it I don't think I won't see peace of mind.

[jjpatrick135]

Forgot to mention to you here's an article I found from an expert on site check it out....I read this almost every day lol

http://www.medhelp.org/user_journals/show/88524/HIV-THE-FACTS

[tad780]

Hey there.... yes I have that article as well. I read it daily myself and it is very good in regards to why oral sex is not a risk... It is fine to be told no risk as I have been told over and over but its nice to know the why not of it all. I am sorry to hear about the tough break up and the stress of selling your house.  I am hoping we can continue to correspond for awhile longer yet?

[jjpatrick135]

No problem. Need an anxiety support group friend lol..I am just hoping joggen or Apollo will answer my post sometime soon.  She does not mention frottage on there but I was told by teak, rainlover, nursegirl and a few others that it's zero risk because of contact to the environment and the air and it renders it unstable.

[tad780]

Hey, well I can help you somewhat there ... Frotagge is not a risk. I am sure you searched it time and time again. I had a guy do frotagge to me and the what ifs were out of control for me on that situation. That is one act I have accepted as being safe. Nowhere will you find that as a cause of transmission.  Trust me, if Iam being told performing oral sex on a guy was no risk then your scenario is truly truly safe.  You and I need to remember something together ---- sexually speaking, unprotected penetrative anal and vaginal sex is how you will get HIV----  I want you to say that outloud 5 times......  LOL.   When did you post to Apollo and Joggen?  Do you think they may not be answering because you have been aswered by others already ....  ?    May I ask where you live?

[jjpatrick135]

Don't know about the multiple posts but it's the first time in this user group.  
I live in northern va near DC. You in Canada?  

I am actually in Europe now visiting relatives getting back tomorrow it's 1135pm here and I got a plane to catch so I will chat with when I get back to the states.  You can pm me if you want.  Good night.

[tad780]

Yes in Canada.... I will send you a pm ... have a good flight and yes we can chat when you are back .... lol, did you repeat what I said to 5 times?