Test anxiety

Hey All,

My question is: I have tested for HIV in my life 4 times (I am 32 years old), and I am coming up on the 5th time I will have to test, and it seems that getting myself ready to go test psychologically is getting more difficult actually with each time it is time to test, not less so; so how do I reduce this anxiety?  In all my years of having sex and dealing with testing, I only had once instance where I thought realistically I might have been at risk.  For my upcoming testing, the risk was negligable at best, if not just theoretical (giving fellatio for a few seconds unprotected).  Still, I find myself having mini panick attacks at the thought of going for another test (this will be my fifth test in my life).  It is odd in that this is probably the one time I have had the least sex and have every reason to fully expect a negative result, but instead I feel a lump in my throat and an impending sense of doom.  :(  I know that I have HIV phobia.  But as I said above I have been worse off in the past and not this stressed about the testing.  I think I just have to remain abstinent in the future, I really can't take testing anymore.

Thanks for your thoughts.

[Apollo1971]

Im sure your aware that you have not been put at risk of HIV from what did. So getting tested for somthing that you have no need to and more so somthing that puts you in this state is not good.

You should start to listen to all the advise you asked for and just ingnore what happened and just get on with your live. Stop trawling the net and HIV forums and focus on somthing more positive in your life buddy

[giveface]

I am listening, believe me.  Some folks just feel they need the reassurance of a test result to move forward.  I only wish I knew how to be less scared of going for the test.  As I said above, I have been much more at risk in the past and wasn't this scared of testing, although I was still afraid.  Abstinence for me is the only rational answer for me going forward and OCD counseling.  

[Apollo1971]

I think councliling in your case would certainly be your best option because you cannot live your life like this and it's such a waste. So yes try getting some help but in the mean time just get busy with life, it will help take your mind of this

[ramiabed]

same problem here ,, i had a low risk of having hiv ( the condom was damaged and i stopped the process after 5 esc) its have been 2 months now and my lfe like a hell ,, i didnt know what to do , everyday i die 100 times but i cant go to do the test,,,,, what can i do !!!???

[giveface]

Just wanted to let everyone know that at 6 weeks (day 43) my rapid fingerprick test was negative.  I personally am going to accept this result as final and move on.  I think the right thing for me is to committ to abstinence as even sex with a condom would leave me paranoid.  This is a very debilitating phobia and I don't want to put myself back in that hotseat, at least not without professional counseling first.  Thanks everyone for your imput.

[Apollo1971]

Hiya, its good to hear you have accepted the result. Now its time to get some  help buddy. Sex should be enjoyed and your missing out on this, so please get the help you need. Once you do, you will over come this im sure.

All the best