I fear this is a wasted post, but i will do my best to help.
Lets forget all the pointless symptoms and stick to facts.
1. You never had a low risk, it was zero and this is confirmed by a hiv expert. Let me say this again, a leading world hiv expert said you had zero risk.
2. Your tests prove you dont have hiv and this has been backed up by a world leading hiv expert, who concludes from a no risk exposure your tests prove you dont have hiv. Its not a debating point, its a fact, end of story, you just dont have hiv.
Now from what i read, you have cheated on your partner. Your concern is more for your wife, that you may give her hiv and you will have to explain yourself, well worry not. You cannot give what you dont have- fact.
So what ever is going on and that is more than likley stress from the guilt, is certainly not have and again i say fact from a zero risk and negative tests.
Not a wasted post, and thank you for taking a few moments with me.
All of your assessments are keenly observed and correct on all counts.
Everyday, I remind myself of every point you just mentioned, as well as the fact that taking 9 tests was probably overkill (I am actually awaiting reults from a Home Access blood test as well) - but these weird aches and pains make me aware of my node area, and then my anxiety starts all over again.
If I had a better understanding of what is happening to my body vs what actually happens during acute HIV (though I am at 4.5 months post exposure now), I really feel like I could move on with my life.
Also... All of this testing ain't cheap!
Zero risk and negative results. Need to get that through my f-ing head and leave you poor folks to your good work.
Hey dont worry about us buds, :-) its you that we worry about, why? Because we have either been in your shoes or have seen how this effects people and we try to help so it dosnt effect another, in this case you.
I can understand why symptoms mess with your head, its natural and common, but when you sit down, with a cool head and put the facts together you will see this is just paranoia, you really will but maybe just nit yet.
Just keep reading the posts from the expert, they are not mate, not at all, like an apple will fall from a tree.
What will help is stop beating yourself up about what you did. We all make mistakes, thats life and its hard, but when you over come this i bet you will start to feel better, just calm down and give it time :-)
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