HIV Anxiety Support User Group
Two questions if I may?
About This Group:

This support group is for those who are suffering from stress or anxiety associated with uncertain HIV status. HIV anxiety is extremely isolating for those who are going through it, as it is often very difficult to discuss with friends and family members. This group is provided for sufferers of HIV anxiety to discuss their fears in a supportive environment. Those with anxiety over non-HIV STDs are also welcome. For personal advice concerning HIV risk, testing, and prevention, please post in the HIV Prevention Community.

Founded by joggen on October 4, 2009
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Two questions if I may?


Please don't say "move along" or "no risk" without answering my question below!

If I may, a question about lymph node swelling and HIV?

Every 1-2 days, it seems like a different node in my body "flares up" gets mildly swollen, and then stops hurting a few days later.

This has occurred in my neck, under jaw, various nodes in both pits, elbow, back of knees, and one infraclavicular node that is stubbornly hanging around (though not painful).

Because of my anxiety, I have dropped a ton of weight and have become quite skeletal (from 180 to 140 and I'm only 5'9"). Could this new skinny body be contributing to my node sensations?

Also, would any of the experts on this site believe the results of the Oraquick home test were they to take them for themselves, and take them as conclusive?

(I have taken 9 tests week 13-19 after a low/very low risk exposure)

I really feel like answers I got fromDr Hook and other site experts are helping me to move forward, but each new node sensation and muscular pain  brings back the doubt and fear!
12 Comments
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Avatar_m_tn
One more point, I was definitively diagnosed with NGU which led to epididymitis and hydrocele (via swab analysis and ultrasound) from my handjob experience.

NO chance it happened anywhere else.

This fact, along with my "symptoms" are feeding my HIV fears.

Nobody thought a bacterial STD could happen from a HJ, but it happened to me... Could HIV have happened too?

Thanks for listening.
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1629919_tn?1342415036
I fear this is a wasted post, but i will do my best to help.

Lets forget all the pointless symptoms and stick to facts.

1. You never had a low risk, it was zero and this is confirmed by a hiv expert. Let me say this again, a leading world hiv expert said you had zero risk.

2. Your tests prove you dont have hiv and this has been backed up by a world leading hiv expert, who concludes from a no risk exposure your tests prove you dont have hiv. Its not a debating point, its a fact, end of story, you just dont have hiv.

Now from what i read, you have cheated on your partner. Your concern is more for your wife, that you may give her hiv  and you will have to explain yourself, well worry not. You cannot give what you dont have- fact.

So what ever is going on and that is more than likley stress from the guilt, is certainly not have and again i say fact from a zero risk and negative tests.
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Avatar_m_tn
Not a wasted post, and thank you for taking a few moments with me.

All of your assessments are keenly observed and correct on all counts.

Everyday, I remind myself of every point you just mentioned, as well as the fact that taking 9 tests was probably overkill (I am actually awaiting reults from a Home Access blood test as well) - but these weird aches and pains make me aware of my node area, and then my anxiety starts all over again.

If I had a better understanding of what is happening to my body vs what actually happens during acute HIV (though I am at 4.5 months post exposure now), I really feel like I could move on with my life.

Also... All of this testing ain't cheap!

Zero risk and negative results.  Need to get that through my f-ing head and leave you poor folks to your good work.

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1629919_tn?1342415036
Hey dont worry about us buds, :-) its you that we worry about, why? Because we have either been in your shoes or have seen how this effects people and we try to help so it dosnt effect another, in this case you.

I can understand why symptoms mess with your head, its natural and common, but when you sit down, with a cool head and put the facts together you will see this is just paranoia, you really will but maybe just nit yet.

Just keep reading the posts from the expert, they are not mate, not at all, like an apple will fall from a tree.

What will help is stop beating yourself up about what you did. We all make mistakes, thats life and its hard, but when you over come this i bet you will start to feel better, just calm down and give it time :-)
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Avatar_m_tn
Appreciate the thoughts Apollo.  

Just got results back from my home access blood test, negative at 140 days.

The accuracy of this test is more reputable than the Oraquick home tests, no?

Perhaps everyone may be right about me being negative?!?!

It would be nice to sleep with my wife again.
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1629919_tn?1342415036
All it does is confirm you still dont have hiv. Really time to belive the results, nothing else for it mate.
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Avatar_m_tn
5 months out now,

Have taken 2 blood antibody tests now.  (Home Access HIV 1) at 140 and 154 days.

Negative on both.

Still feeling swollen nodes in places that I did not even know I had nodes.

Stiff neck every day for weeks.

Abdominal discomfort.

Had 2nd CBC done in last 5 weeks.  My WBC dropped from 5.3 to 3.8 in that time....  

What the hell is wrong with me?
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1629919_tn?1342415036
Its not HIV, so their is nothing else we can do for you.

The only person who can help is a doctor, not an internet forum buds.
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Avatar_f_tn
I'm not sure if I'm following forum guidelines or if I'm breaking any rules but felt the inclination to say something.

I work in the Natural Health Field. I'm not at all well educated about HIV hence my own post. But, I do know a heck of a lot about anxiety. Due to my own and also because of my career.

We see and treat many patients who have exhausted and depleted their bodies due to excessive worry and end up exhibiting evidential symptoms.

When you are stuck on the crazy cycle, you are repeatedly exposing your body to high levels of stress hormones.

Also, most people who are stressed aren't taking care of themselves which does damage to your bodies natural defenses.

I suggest talking to a MD or a ND and get help. Eat right, sleep well, take supplements, go for walks. I know you've heard it all before but it works.

I don't feel it's right for me to go into detail about your symptoms, but you're looking in the wrong place and wasting perfectly good energy on something that is not real.

You should take charge of your health and stop doing this to your body. You're creating evidence of an illness you don't have.

You can stop all this and live with peace and in good health.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

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Avatar_m_tn
Sound advice.

I really feel the effects this is having on me, and my relationship with my wife and family.

It's been hellish.  
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Avatar_m_tn
Plus, I think I have developed a benzodiazepine addiction (1-2 per day, nothing major, but the dose withdrawals make my fears amplify X-100
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Avatar_f_tn
I think you think too much.

There is better help out there for you that can support you while healing from this experience.

You need to find that.

With effort from your part, someone you can talk to that isn't on a forum and taking care of your physical body: You can get over this and grasp the reality that you truly are ok.

It's kind of up to you.
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