Very worried

[sakaratci]

Hello all ;

thanks god for this web site, otherwise i'm going nuts

I'm a 3 years married guy with a babyboy. I never had any kind of sex before i got married, and after that with only my wife

I'm generally educated and with respect to my marriage and my family.

about 20 days ago i was in germany and went to a FKK, i picked a romenian worker and we go to the room.

She started with unprotected oral sex ( i was really nervous and tired of business ) i couldn't stopped her, and my animal feelings were on job, so i couldn't stop her. ıt took about 2 - 3 minutes may be less. At the ******* she was biting my penis ( circumcented) head and shaft tightly, it was not hurting. i didn't ejacuate. When i got back to the hotel i saw 3 tooth scars on the shaft of my penis ( i don't know if it was bleeding while oral sex, vaginal sex and mutual masturbation )

then she took a condom, we made vaginal sex for 4 -5 minutes and i stil didn't ejacuate. She took the condom off, and we laid down the bad seperately and talked for about 5 minutes without any touches. then we decided to do it again and i laid on her body and my whole penis was touching her vaginal fluids ( the teeth scars of course ).

She performed and unprotected oral sex for 1 -2 minutes .Than she took another condom and we did vaginal sex, i ejacuated she took the condom with a paper towel and i left the club.

now its day 18 and i'm just about to go crazy, actually i couldn't feel any sympthoms but i'm not sure of anything

I'm really scared and seeking for your help

Thanks in advance

[Xhost]

Your results will come back negative. Bank on it. How can I be so sure? Because you had no risk of having contracted HIV.

If you really want to pay back those who have provided you guidance and advice here, you can do so. How? That's easy. Learn to start recognizing your drivers. What does that mean? That's also easy to describe, harder to do.

I imagine that, like me, your anxiety over this issue goes through a wave cycle, meaning that it peaks and troughs throughout the day. It is hard to pinpoint exactly when the anxiety starts an upward swing, but try to monitor this through the day. You'll know it when the anxiety crests, it is unmistakable. Feelings of guilt, panic, rapid heartbeat, sweating, shortness of breath, feelings of doom, dark thoughts, etc. When you are experiencing these physical and emotional symptoms, try to pinpoint exactly what you were thinking before you felt this way. And then examine the relationship between the thought and your feelings.

My guess is that your peaking anxiety is preceded by a negative thought, or a thoughts. In fact, this is almost certainly the case. Do this identification exercise continuously: for every episode of heightened anxiety or panic, identify the though. If you have twenty peaks a day, do this exercise each time. Do this for as many days as it takes to finally understand the relationship between your thoughts and the way that your thoughts make you feel. Also, when identifying the thought, repeat a single phrase to yourself: thoughts are not facts. Or, perhaps, feelings are not facts. Meaning, of course, that just because you think something, it does not make it true. And, in the same vein, just because you feel something, does not make it a fact. Do this as many times as necessary.

Eventually, you will come to the understanding that I finally came to. Someone in this thread asked: when did you finally know you did not have HIV? For me, it came after a concerted effort to understand why I was obsessing on the idea of having contracted HIV. Why was I feeling so awfully. I finally realized I was feeling this way because my thinking on this matter was incorrect, and faulty. Once I came to terms with this notion, I began to understand the role that guilt was playing. Eventually, I finally had a single thought, after my ninth unnecessary HIV test: what if I don't HIV? That thought became: I guess I don't actually have HIV. Once I had that initial thought, everything became clearer, and I was able to think about the situation in a much more rational manner.  

I won't lie, it was a process, and it took some time. But I eventually turned my focus from HIV to where it really belonged: recognizing that as a human, I make mistakes. I resolved not to make the same mistake twice, and got on with the business of forgiving myself, and then on to the business of living my life.

[sakaratci]

dear jose

very happy to hear that your all results are negative

i hope you'll have a great whole life with your family

i wish also my results will come back negative and will never have such a thing in the future

[sakaratci]

hello dearest friends

here i got my 28 day results

HIV ab           Neg 0,08    NEG< 0.25
HIV p24 AG    Neg 0,02   NEG < 0,25


may i think i'm nearly %100 at the safe side ?

thanks

[jose883]

the result is negative!

[jose883]

To be honest, I'm still a bit afraid. I have done more than 10 tests up to now. Including 4th generation tests at three months, and 3rd generation tests at six months. I also did a PCR (I shouldn't because of the high rate of false positives). In fact, I will get my result of a combined test 3rd generation plus p24 protein in a couple of hours.

I'm not an HIV specialist, but I have a PhD on molecular biology, so I understand some of the details of testing. However, that knowledge is not helping me much to move on... I have had so many symptoms that it is difficult for me not to believe I'm infected with something. I'm trying to convince my mind that it is not HIV related (I also did an HCV test one month ago, negative).

This situation has affected all my life (I almost got divorced!), and fortunately I haven't lose my job. I'm under psychological and psychiatric treatment (it works!). Do not hesitate to take some pills for anxiety if you need them (run to a psychiatrist). Anxiety is terrible! And there is good medication to fight it. Do not hesitate in this respect.

Regarding tests, ELISA 3rd generation at 6 weeks or ELISA 4th generation at one month, although not conclusive (until the three month mark) they are a very very likely indication of your status. The proper test to do is ELISA (not PCR, nor Western-Blot). Western-Blot is only confirmatory test, and a PCR test is up to the HIV specialist to order one. If you do 4th generation test, or test separately for antibodies and for protein p24 (by an ELISA test) then you are covered.  

The mind is very powerful and can make us think whatever she wants. Stay calm, the negative tests that you already have are really reassuring (easy to say to others that to apply it to it self = : )).

[sakaratci]

Thanks a lot jose ,
Your comment is very precious for me, I'll not suicide but anxiety will kill me :)
I'll take another test at day 30 , same p24 combi test
Hope that will come negative, as you felt and passed what I feel, I'm sure you understand me quite well
Its so hard for me to have such a thing with my family, I'm trying to stay calm but this thing is in my mind every minute , I'll take some theraphy with psychologist
I'm not sure on which test I can be sure I don't have hiv, everybody says something different?
When were you sure you don't have hiv?

[jose883]

Hi, maybe some information can help you a bit. You did an ELISA test for antigen p24 at day 22. p24 is a viral protein (a protein from the capsid of the virus). This protein is usually at very high levels in the serum of people recently infected with HIV. This is, during the first month or so. The fact that you were negative for this protein indicates that you don't have it. So, try to stay calm. Think that your family needs you anyway! With or without HIV (you don't have it). Do not do any crazy thing. You are Ok. I know how it feels. Me my self was crying a lot because I also have family, and I though I had destroyed my family (I was thinking to comet suicide!). You will be Ok.
Jose    

[sakaratci]

At those days I was planning to kill myself, I was thinking about my family my wife my little boy
I was crying all the day, guys that was the very first time I cheated my wife and I'm so scared
But thanks god , you my friends this forum helped me so much
Now I'm more happy and have a hope for the future,
Hope my all results will come back negative and I'll never have any more adventure like this
I'm really very gratefull my friends , all you did so far turned me back to the life

[sakaratci]

Dear xhost
Thanks for your post, it was very precious for me, yeah I know the guilt is killing me, and hope I'll win this battle
I feel so lucky to have such precious freinds here helping me
You are all great guys and thanks for all you did to me
I really don't know how to pay for these
Thanks my friends

[Xhost]

Well, of course it is going to stay negative. Based on my reading of your original post, what, exactly, was your risk? I don't see that you actually had one. Protected intercourse, unprotected oral sex - am I missing something here?

You are testing far too much. I understand that anxiety is a powerful motivator, believe me, I do. I have been there. That said, your real issue here appears to be anxiety compounded by guilt, not HIV. And we don't need a test for anxiety - we see that you have it based on your reactions.

You don't have HIV. Nor do you deserve to have gotten HIV. You made a mistake, OK. Welcome to the human race: we all make mistakes. I've made about ten since getting up two hours ago. I understand that you feel you have crossed a moral boundary here, and that the guilt from that is really eating you up. But, why not try to focus on the real issue here? Which, it seems to me, is learning to forgive yourself for your transgression.

The conscience is a wonderful thing. It helps us to find those sometimes murky lines in the sand that mark the boundaries of what we perceive to be ethical conduct. That you have a conscience is also a good thing. Problem is, your conscience has become your punisher. And it is doing a fine, fine job of punishing you with thoughts of HIV. It's a *****, I know, I've been there.

That is the real issue here, isn't it? The sooner you can come to terms with your conscience, the sooner you will be able to look at this with the objectivity it deserves and demands:  you had no realistic chance to have been infected with HIV.

[sakaratci]

thanks a lot jose

hope it will stay negative,

i have a scar on my palate , and i have 2 scars in my mouth

i'm pretty sure i bite my mouth - cheeks, but i can not understand the scar on the palate

i'm having some sympthoms and not sure whether they are true or not?

i'm really going nuts

[jose883]

Good to read that you are Negative!

[sakaratci]

Dear All precious admins and users

thanks a lot for all you did for me so far, your thoughts and comments were very important for me

as an information here are my results

I got my 22 nd day Hiv Combi test results on a proven lab.

HIV AB            Negative 0.07  ( Ref Line < 0.25 )
HIV P24 Ag      Negative 0.01  ( Ref Line < 0.25 )

Although i have VDRL -RPR , qualitative  Negative    

And i had some other tests on 9 th day as follows ,

HBsAG             Negative 0,18   ( =1,00 S/CO Poz )
Anti HCV          Negative 0,04   ( =1,00 S/CO Poz )
Anti HIV 1+2     Negative 0,28   ( =1,00 S/CO Poz )

Thanks for your thoughts and comments

[sakaratci]

All you guys,

thanks a lot for all your messages, JC, Jose and Xhost.

I'm just concerned for my family, i never even thing anything but them, the are the most precious in my whole life

I'l go and get a 22 day combi test, than 30 day and than 6 weeks .....

i hope all will turn back negative and i'll go away

thanks friends

[Xhost]

As I read it, you used a condom whilst having vaginal sex. Based on that assumption, I simply must concur with the excellent advice already given you: you really have nothing to worry about in terms of HIV infection. As Jean Claude has pointed out already, feelings of guilt may be the driver here in terms of you worrying about HIV. If that is the case, guilt is a natural feeling, but it in no way means that you have contracted HIV.

Just so you know, oral sex does not seem to be an efficient means for HIV transmission. It simply doesn't seem to happen. And as for protected sex, that was a smart move on your part, because it protected you from possibly being infected with HIV. And while I do not advocate having unprotected sex outside of a monogamous relationship, the odds are still with you after a one time unprotected episode of vaginal sex (but, you wore protection, so this doesn't even apply to you!)

I will second the notion that if you cannot let this go, fine, go ahead and test at 6 weeks. It will be negative, because based on my reading of your post, nothing you did with the sex worker puts you at risk for having contracted HIV. Nothing at all.

[JeanClaude]

You would NOT have been infected with HIV via Oral Sex (Regardless of the tooth marks present). If you engaged in vaginal or anal sex while using a condom properly, you were NOT at risk of HIV from this encounter.It is quite obvious you are experiencing some quilt, remorse and concern for your family. Do NOT allow these sensations to blur your view of reality/science where HIV is concerned. If you engaged in UNPROTECTED vaginal or anal sex, you would require an HIV antibody test @ 6 weeks. If NEGATIVE, that would need to confirmed at 3 months and would be UNLIKELY to change.Keep in mind that the per episode risk of HIV transmission is very low (even when the woman is confirmed positive) which in your case,she was NOT. If your anxiety gets the best of you, by all means test @ 6 weeks. I absolutely expect you to be NEGATIVE.
-JC-

[jose883]

If you had penetrative sex without a condom then you need testing. If you are nervous you can ask for a forth generation ELISA at 28 days and this will give you a very accurate result (but conclusive is at three months). You can also test at six weeks with a normal 3rd generation ELISA and will give you an accurate result also. You have to know that the likelihood of getting HIV by a single unprotected encounter (vaginal sex) is fairly low. Hope this helps!
jose