are they hiv risks or it is ocd/anxiety

hey guys , first off i would like to say thats its my first time on this anxiety forum and im really looking forward to this. so ill try to recap everything quickly.

about 1 year ago, i performed a sexual act with a girl i just met ( my first time, im 18 years old), then i became really scared of stds and hiv, it was horrible. from that day, my life has been a living hell. so i got tested for hiv 4 times and stds 4 months later , and they all were negative.

then i went on vacation 4 months ago and i went to a shisha cafe, when the waiter gave me the shisha, there was slimy stuff on the tip of it, and so i thought it was semen that had hiv or stds, and it touched my lips and my lips had cuts.

then i was walking in the streets one day, i was wearing flip flops and as i was walking, a screw went through my flip flops and into my foot, and now im thinking that what if some hiv positive person stepped on it before i did.

and the last exposure (or atleast what i think) was 2 days ago, when i went to the a store, i was signing papers for a contract ( cellphone), and when the worker handed me my copy, i cut my self with the stapler piece that was on the papers, and then the thought came again, what if the person cut him self before i did, and he had hiv or stds.

as you can see im living in hell right now, im always having anxiety attacks, im scared of anything when it comes to hiv or stds. I dont touch anything that i think that might have stds or hiv. im always thinking about this, and for the past year, ive been thinking about suacide, and i keep telling my self that ill go to hell if i do that ( im a catholic christian). now im just waiting for the three months to pass so i could get an hiv test for the 5th time.

I live with my family, and since i think that i might have stds or hiv, i always try to keep my bodily fluids to my self to protect my family, i dont share anything with my family, i always wash my hands like a billion times to that i dont infect anything ( or thats what i think) and pass it on to my family, my obsession really started to depart me from my family and friends. everytime i go to the washroom , i always clean after me, and wiping anything i touch so my family wont catch anything.

im really in pain right now, i cant do anything with this, no studying, no happiness, im always always depressed and unhappy, and i take out my anger by hitting random things. im in my room 90 percent of the times, i barley go out with friends or anybody. Im always panicing when i think about the exposures that i had , and my heart starts beating like crazy. i cant decide the words to what im going through right now. i just feel like i wanna die. please guys what do you think, are they risks for hiv or do you think i have hiv ocd. i didnt go to therapy. can anybody relate to what im going through

[Apollo1971]

Jo, the easy part is to say you have never been at risk of HIV from the day to day activities you talk about. Billions of people do them all the time and dont get HIV, and certainly dont worry about it, so why you think you will is somthing of a problem isnt it?

I really think you MUST go for therapy. Your at a level were simple logic and facts are not going to help you, because if it was then you wouldnt being sitting in your room washing your hands so many times a day.

This is no way to live buddy, its time to get help for your mental state.