So the mods are probably sick of me because of my continued hiv anxiety from relatively safe activities and that is why I'm posting here. I had insertive and receptive fellatio on 2 occasions all protected with a condom. Of course, these are considered no risk behaviors but still it worried me a lot since I kept thinking my case is different since I suffer from acid reflux which might cause esophageal erosion and cuts in my throat and while also thinking that the condom might have had small holes. Anyway, that fear passed, and then I started thinking about the fact that I made out (kissed) with someone who might have been positive while i had this acid reflux problem with cuts and erosion in my throat, and worse of all I didn't know if that person had cuts in his mouth.
Anyway, over the last couple of days what I thought was one of the safest activity in regards to hiv, "kissing in the mouth" has given me the worst anxiety. I know my fear is irrational, and a few experts and 2 doctors have confirmed that I had no risk but my mind always finds a way to mess with me.
So here's my attempt at rationalizing it and easing my anxiety: There have been no case of hiv infection from kissing in the history of hiv. Though my condition (acid reflux) and kissing and hiv has not been studied, around 20% of the population suffers from acid reflux, and thus if it was a risk it would have been reported by now. Even the extremely conservative CDC says no hiv risk from kissing. Plus, I can't be the first person in the world who will get hiv from kissing. The odds are way in my favor that I won't be. Plus, there are probably millions of kisses per day, billions per year, none resulting in cases of hiv. I guess the same rationalization would hold true for oral sex that is considered safe sex in terms of hiv. No matter what odd medical condition you may have that you think might make you an exception and put you at risk, there are others who have your condition too and thus there would have been a confirmed case by now after 25-30 something years of there being hiv and ofter after millions of oral sex and kissing activities. That was my attempt at easing my anxiety. Any reassurance on your part would really make me feel better and probably even invincible. If someone told me "you're crazy for thinking you had a risk" that would be awesome haha.
Thanks for the support guys. I know that I'm kind of mental and irrational but I guess that what the anxiety forum is for too?
Well oral sex with a condom is just impossible to get HIV, not a chance in a zillion years.
Oral sex is not a risk as you have seen onthe HIV forum, but when you cover the penis up with a condom, you not in contact with anything other than rubber.
I read your concern was kissing, well you answer has been covered by DR H, so their is nothing more i need to say about that.
So your issues with HIV are far deeper than just plain logic.
Personalli i think you would benefit from getting proper help for this. Many have from here and came back with positive results. I really hope you do that as until you do i dont belive you will enjoy a full and happy sex life.
Yea, I probably should get some help. My rational side understands "no risk at all" for kissing, and oral for that matter but I don't know what it is that gives me this anxiety. Maybe guilt or something else? But yea, it's tough. I wake up with anxiety every morning and every morning I have to convince myself that I am being irrational/illogical. Thanks for your help.
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