just need to be heard

[yungndum]

Hi, I've come to the conclusion that i have an inflated fear of HIV, just the sight of the words bother me.  I say I come to this conclusion because I was getting dental work done on base (I'm in the Air Force) and i had a mild episode of panic because i thought there may be HIV in the novacaine needle. This was on top of the two oral sex incidents I was worrying about earlier that month. Well i got negative test back yesterday. But now I'm having paranoia about a encouter I had with a transexual on Craigslist. I wad the insertive in anal sex, we kiss and had mutual masturbation, no oral either way. We used water based lube and the condom remained intact for I kept it and water tested it. I usually save them for a few weeks to remind me everything was safe incase my thoughts messed with me, but I accidentally punctured this one while trying to hide it. Some of the thoughts that I'm having is my condom slipped a little during anal but immidiately pulled it back up, I also get the thought that it could have possibly came off while inside and i didnt know it but was able to slide it back on before i ejculated. Lastly I'm worried that our precum may have touched my urethra during mutual masturbation, as she was sitting on top of me. She says she hasn't had sex since November and was tested (every 6months) then and I'm the first guy she's been with since that time but I'm having a hard time coming to grips. I admit a lot of this is guilt based, ptsd from catching my diary std 3years ago, mixed with reading too much about hiv.(especially after any sexual episode)

[yungndum]

I know you guys time is valuable but i just need some help. Joggen, i know 100% without a doubt that i wore a condom before any penetration, i know it never ruptured or came off, i know the TS says she gets tested regularly i keep asking her, i know when i got home i filled the condom with water and it didnt leak. Why am i so worked up and sometimes second guess myself on what really happened that night? is that common? Dont blow me off please, i know youre not a therapist but im sure you heard this before from others.

[joggen]

Guilt is a major contributor to HIV Anxiety due to religious bigotry. There is nothing wrong with a man liking transsexuals. You have nothing to be guilty over.  

[yungndum]

Hey, thanx bro. I know there's a lot of American conservatism behind HIV awareness. I just need to shut up that ultra analytical part of my brain and stop reacting to the over-the-top "what if" thoughts that come in my head.  Guilt is a killer too.

[joggen]

HIV is a rare disease that is inefficiently transmitted and only through a couple of established means involving direct contact INSIDE the body: a bare penis inside a vagina or anus, or direct injection inside the bloodstream or tissue. You are a victim of all the hype and scare mongering that occurs in this society. If you don't have unprotected vaginal or anal sex or share needles, HIV simply is NOT a concern for you. Don't fall victim to the hype.